Tell you the story of who I am

Part 1 can be found here.

I don't remember what happened after Mom went home. Either it was awful and I blocked it from my mind, or it was more of the same and it blends in with all the other incidents. I'm sure there was yelling and screaming and threatening and insulting and most likely hitting of some fashion. I'm pretty sure that she wasn't alone with Grammie Dearest long before my grandfather got home, but a lot of damage can be done in a relatively short time.

They were living in a hole-in-the-wall logging town where everyone was going nowhere fast. All of Mom's friends had boyfriends. At the tender age of 16, her best friend was going out with a man (sorry, can't emphasize that one enough) who was in his early 20's. He had a friend. Because Mom was feeling left out (and, let's face it, was likely seeking love in any way she could find it), she met the man who would be my father. He was 23. Seven years older than her. Seven. Even at 31, the idea of dating a man seven years my senior is a tad boggling.

I remember conversations with Mom in which she would caution me not to have sex too soon because "it changes everything." Seeing the sadness reflected in her eyes and hearing the heaviness in her voice, even as a young teen I sensed that it was more a lament for things lost than a warning.

My mom became one of those girls that the after school special movies are made about. My 23-year old MAN of a father -- can I stop to tell you how much I hate using that title in regards to him? -- pressured my 16-year old CHILD of a mother for sex, threatening to leave her for someone who would if she didn't give in. So she did. She said everything changed, and not necessarily for the better. All of a sudden, it wasn't about going to the movies or hanging out with friends. Every time they were together, it was all about when are you gonna let me get in your pants?

I have no idea how long they were having sex before she got pregnant. And I've told her numerous times in no uncertain terms that I do not believe for a second that I was an "accident": she was a smart girl who knew about birth control who I'm convinced was looking for ANY way to get out of a bad situation.

I don't know how or when she found out she was pregnant. I do know that she was terrified that my grandmother would literally kill her. I do know that she was so afraid that she went through the motions and would wrap pads in newspaper before placing them in the bathroom garbage can in an effort to maintain the illusion that she was still getting her period. I do know my nut ball of a grandmother unwrapped said pads to see if they were, in fact, used. I do know that my terrified 16-year old mother ran away with my 23-year old father. And I do know that when my mom called home, my grandmother demanded they return immediately, threatening to have my father arrested for statutory rape if they disobeyed.