Trust is a frightfully tenuous concept. Some people trust freely, blindly, and with no reservation - they will trust until given reason not to. For others, trust is more difficult and something to be earned. Perhaps the hardest aspect of trust occurs once it is breached: how do you regain someone's trust? how do you let go and trust again?
I have been burned in the past by people who claimed to love me, both small blips and egregious indiscretions. Obviously, that has left me slow to trust and, at times, just waiting to be let down. I try to be the person who trusts easily, but it's hard not to be suspicious and cynical if you're waiting for people to fuck up.
Lately, I've had... whispers of doubt regarding MYSELF. I am relentless in my self-doubt and second-guessing; I have the ability to turn a sound decision into a quivering mass of confusion and uncertainty in mere seconds. Trusting myself is one of the thing I struggle with the most. Am I good enough? Smart enough? Experienced enough? Do I really have the ability to make an important decision? Am I capable of handling a potentially life-altering situation?
More times than I care to count, I just wish I was 10 again and someone else was responsible for making my decisions, that someone else would guide me and tell me what was right and what was wrong. That being said, the majority of the decisions I've made in my life have been sound ones: I have very, very few regrets. Perhaps what I need to do is focus on the good choices I've made, TRUST myself, and trust that everything will work out as it should. Oh, and stop borrowing trouble/over-thinking.
sometimes I do want to look up to the sky and say, "OK, they say you are good...so TAKE OVER!" Then nothing happens and I'm left with my decision. I don't trust myself to do the right thing all the time (make the healthy choice, etc) and when I don't, I just hurt myself. Bad feeling.
ReplyDeleteHey you. I saw this post over the holidays and have been meaning to comment.
ReplyDeleteI am a thinker, an analyzer and take forever to make decisions. Obviously I’m not saying you and I are exactly the same – so I hope this doesn’t come across in the assvice category of comments.
One thing I, as an analyzer extraordinaire, have found is that part of trusting yourself is acknowledging and accepting that you ARE a thinker are analyzing the situation is part of your decision making process and that.is.OK.
There are times when we invite/borrow trouble over-thinking things we can’t control that are a waste of time – “what is that person thinking?” or “why did that person do/say that?” We can analyze that TO DEATH and we’ll never figure it out, no matter how well we know the person, so in those cases it’s good to stop and let what will be, be.
But when it comes to making decisions, especially important ones, it’s different. I went to a counselor after leaving my ex, because I couldn’t decide if I should stay or go. I asked what was WRONG WITH ME!?! Why couldn’t I make a decision?!?! She told me I need to trust my gut AND acknowledge that everyone makes decisions differently – some quickly and some slowly. Leaving my marriage was a big decision – it was OK that I took months to figure it out (much to my ex’s annoyance).
You say you have made sound decisions, so obviously your thought process in coming to a decision is a good one. Trust yourself!
Once I realized it’s OK to over-think (in some situations) I found I was easier on myself. I thought “This is what I need to do to make this decision and that’s OK” instead of “You idiot! Make a decision! Stop over-thinking!” and that leads to trusting your own decisions, even though it may take you (us) longer to reach them than another person.
So yes, focus on the good choices you’ve made and trust yourself. But don’t beat yourself up about over-thinking. It’s not over-thinking – it’s your way of thinking.
I am certainly no one to give guidance on dealing with self-doubt, because I beat myself brutally over every decision, up to and including lunch. But you have a good heart and a good head, Chibi. I trust you will make good decisions.
ReplyDeleteTrusting in yourself can be difficult, especially if you've let yourself down in the past. But I guess, just like with someone else, you have to give yourself a second (or 10th) chance. And the best way to do that is to move to action - to make those positive changes that you want to see. In regards to weightloss, it might be going for a walk or to the gym or forgoing that extra sweet. The more you see yourself making the right decisions to reach your goals, the more you'll trust that you CAN do this.
ReplyDeleteI have learned that the only thing I can trust is that nothing will ever be the way I think it will be......so I have learned to trust in possibilities....but also in adapting to things when they go differently than expected. (a sense of humor helps, here!)
ReplyDeleteDuring my weight loss and fitness journey I have been able to put trust in the fact that when I eat well and exercise, my body responds in a positive way. This has helped me trust myself (and my ability) more than I was able to in the past. But, it is an ongoing experience that I have to tweak and revisit every day..that is for sure!
Trust that you have the ability to nourish yourself well...physically and emotionally..and that good things come from that. Trust that when your body and mind are well nourished, that challenges are easier to handle because you are at your best. Trust that YOU have the power to affect positive changes in yourself.
You are doing great! Here is to a strong finish to 2009. Hang in there!
When you figure out the secret to loving yourself and not wallowing in self doubt, let me know! I struggle wIth second guessing as well :(
ReplyDeleteTrust is a difficult thing, but trusting in one-self is the worst. I always have self doubt, and no amount of coaching helps.
ReplyDeleteThe best thing I've found to do is to just make the best decision at the time, and roll with the punches later.
Merry Christmas, Chibi. I'm glad I met you this year. =)