I'm not washing my hair anymore

All together now: EEEEEWWWWW!!!

I've had a love/hate relationship with my hair for as long as I can remember. I had thin, poker straight hair that wouldn't hold a curl if you paid it until I was about 10 years old. At that point, a combination of an aw.ful. hair cut from a cheap-ass chain and impending puberty netted me an afro-mullet: all of a sudden my hair was thick and wavy -- adding layers of less than 2" all over my head did NOT bode well for my grade six year.

Oh, by the way? Also the year I ended up with glasses. *sigh*

In grade seven, out of sheer desperation, I chopped all my hair off. It was cute, but super short. It took three years to grow it back out. During grades eleven and twelve, I thought I just had frizzy, crappy hair. I would fight with my hair daily, torturing the hell out of it with one of those Conair wide-barreled curling brushes that blew hot air, desperately trying to tame the frizz. It wasn't until after I graduated I started experimenting with styling products and discovered that mousse would give me curls ringlets.

Of course, the intervening years have seen me spend enough money on styling products and tools that I probably could have bought a car.

I found a combination of products (drugstore ones at that -- lucky me!) that gave my curls great definition. Coupled with a good cut, I got tons of compliments on my hair. Until about a month ago.

I started noticing little, white flakes right after I would wash my hair. For the first time in my life, I had "dandruff." Well, dry scalp, really. As well, my head was itchy. I wasn't sure if it was the winter weather conditions, or a product build-up, but I suspected the latter. I started using Head & Shoulders and foregoing my usual moussing gel, opting for just a spritz of hairspray to keep the frizzies at bay on the top of my head (I've rocked FAR too many pony tails in the past month). After a week of that, I ended up switching to Neutrogena Anti-Residue Shampoo and have been using that (along with no mousse) for the past three weeks.
And hating every second of it.

A woman on a message board I frequent posted a comment stating that she uses the "Curly Girl" method. Being the Google-Fu champion that I am, I started poking around teh intarwebz. My first stop was the wikiHow article "How to Follow the Curly Girl Method." From there, I clicked all the accompanying links on how to wash curly hair and how to wash your hair without shampoo. When I saw that there was a book devoted to the Curly Girl method, I requested it from the library. I also found tons of excellent information on the Naturally Curly website, particularly the forum.

I requested the book last Saturday and it was in the library, albeit in another town. Because I would have to wait a few days for it to be transferred, I decided I'd just wait for it to come in to start. On Monday morning, I got an email letting me know the book was in. However, when I went to pick it up after work, it was no longer on the shelf: it seems there was some "confusion" [insert disbelieving eye roll here] about how long the book had been on hold, and had been pulled in order to send it to the next person on the holds list. So, now I wait. Again. *fumes*

I decided that I will try "co-washing": washing my hair with conditioner instead of shampoo (apparently my mom has been doing this -- with great success -- for AGES).

Tonight I figured I'd bite the bullet and just give it a shot. I know I overdid the process, but I wanted to be *sure* my hair was starting out "fresh" (and that I didn't stink tomorrow). I started with my sulfate shampoo (the Neutrogena). I then used the baking soda washed and followed up with the apple cider vinegar rinse (wikiHow). After that, I conditioned with Suave Naturals conditioner in strawberry.

So far, so good. lol Well, no flakes at the least. Scalp doesn't feel itchy. Hair feels soft. Oh, and I don't smell like apple cider vinegar. *gag* However, I'll reserve judgement. From what I've read so far, it is common for hair to go through a transition period of 2-4 weeks where it is limp, lifeless, and greasy. God, I hope not. I just want my hair back. And if using the Curly Girl method means I can get away with using LESS product? SCORE DEAL.

When "mine" becomes "ours"

I bought my apartment a little less than a year before I met Chebbar. When we decided to live together, because I owned and choosing a place together was a little too involved, he moved in with me.

I wanted him to feel at home, like this was his space, too. In hindsight, it was naive to believe he could slip into a fully furnished, decorated, and paid-for space that I had occupied for nine months before he came along. Of course, much as the adage goes, hindsight is 20/20: every time he would refer to the apartment as mine, I would get upset (and of course, that just inspired the little devil to do it on purpose).

We've moved past that somewhat. Every now and then when he's being a smart ass, he'll pull out the "YOUR apartment" card, but for the most part this is OUR home.

Fast-forward to the end of February when "we" bought a new car. This has brought about a whole new conundrum. For all intents and purposes, this is MY car: the dealership ran the application in my name alone first, so the debt is in my name; as well, we sold MY old car, leaving me wheel-less. However, true to my mama-always-taught-me-to-share nature (and because the payment comes out of our account), I was referring to it as "our" car. But Chebbar, well, he kept calling it MY car.

I guess my poor little brain was confuzled.

We were out with friends and Chebbar was driving. He pulled a silly stunt that caused me to shriek at him for driving MY car that way. He fired back with, "Oh, it's YOUR car is it? Well, then. I guess *I* don't have to help you PAY for it then, do I?"

Yeah. And I thought *I* had the market cornered on foot-in-mouth disease. *eye roll* (Misunderstanding that was rectified in no time, let me assure you.)

Fast-forward again to last week when he asked to take the Mazda to work, and I found myself struggling mightily with the selfish feeling of not wanting to let someone else drive my car (specifically while it was still so new -- new car scent: I haz it!). We did have a discussion about the car and whose it is, coming to the conclusion that WE bought it for ME.

I just refer to the car as "it" or "the Mazda" now.

Meme Monday

1. Height?
5'2

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
Um, NO.
 
3. Do you own a gun?
Nope
 
4. How many cell phones have you owned?
I think I'm on my fifth?  But that's over 12 years -- I keep them until they're pretty much dead.

5. Do you get nervous before "meeting the parents?
I get nervous before meeting anyone new.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Sure, as long as you don't try to tell me what's in 'em.

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
O Holy Night and The Carol of the Bells
 
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Tea
 
9. Can you do push ups?
Girly ones
 
10. Is your bathroom clean?
Not at the moment (should have done that this past weekend)
 
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
My eternity pendant from Chebbar
 
12. Do you like painkillers?
Drugs are my friend
 
13. How much sleep do you need in order to get through the day?
NEED?  Probably 8.  Get on a regular basis, and therefore have become "accustomed" to?  6.5ish
 
14. Do you have A.D.D.?
I don't think so, but I have a short attention span and a shitty memory
 
15. First memory?
Going to pick my mom up from work and looking up at the big white letters on the building (it was night time near Christmas and Mom was working at Sears -- I was 2.5)
 
16. Middle Name?
Marie
 
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
1. My wrist still hurts.
2. I should put my brace on.
3. I should have brought the Naproxen with me.

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought:
1. Pizza
2. Groceries
3. Blizzards

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
1. Water
2. Tea
3. Pop

20. Dream car?
I'm pretty fond of my Mazda3  :)

21. Favorite Concert?
It will be Pearl Jam  ;)
 
22. Current worry?
Bro  :(
 
23. Current hate?
Back pain
 
24. Favorite place to be?
Home
 
25. Least favorite place to be?
Work
 
26. Where would you like to go?
Vegas!
 
27. Do you own slippers?
Yup, and I wear them every/all the time I'm at home, all year round
 
28. What shirt are you wearing?
Sage green sweater
 
29. Do you burn or tan?
Burn that turns into a tan
 
30. Favorite color(s)?
Aubergine
 
31. Would you be a pirate?
I'd rather be a Ninja (Turtle)
 
32. Would you hurt a friend to get what you want?
Pfffffft, no!
 
33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don't sing in the shower.
 
34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Monsters
 
35. What's in your pockets right now?
Nothing: I rarely put things in my pockets
 
36. Last thing that made you laugh?
Probably Chebbar
 
37. Best bed sheets as a child?
Flannel
 
38. Worst injury you've ever had?
Hernia operation?  Stitches in my lip?  Surgical removal of all four wisdom teeth?  Broken heart?
 
39. Favourite childhood memory?
Staying with my great grandparents in the summer
 
40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
Two, but only one is connected (the other one is in the closet in the office)
 
41. Who is your loudest friend?
I think *I* might be the loud friend!  D:

42. Who is your most silent friend?
G
 
43. Does someone have a crush on you?
I sure hope so!

44. Do you wish on shooting stars?
You betcha!
 
45. What is your favorite book?
Anne of Green Gables
 
46. What is your favorite candy?
All of them
 
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
No clue
 
48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
No clue
 
49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Sleeping
 
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Ah, shit.  Is it 6:30 already?

The cheater of my dreams

Fidget recently wrote about a dream in which her husband cheated on her.

Been there, done that, threw the T-shirt.

About four months after we started dating, Chebbar and I had the opportunity to stay at a hotel for a night -- the company I worked for had given me a gift certificate in lieu of participating in the company golf tournament, which suited me just fine.

We had gone to sleep and in the middle of the night, Chebbar's phone rang. He answered it, told the caller to hold on, and tried to sneak out of bed without waking me. He paced back and forth, whispering urgently that I was "just a friend" and "nothing's going on, baby." When I moved, he went into the bathroom, closed the door, and turned on the water to further drown out his conversation.

I woke up at that point absolutely FUMING. It was *so* real, right down to the ring of his cell phone (I would have sworn I heard it ring) -- we were even sleeping in the king-size bed in the hotel -- that I'm amazed I didn't hit him in the balls right then and there. After I calmed down (and woke up a bit), I realized I had been dreaming. Fitfully, I fell back to sleep.

In the morning, I was still pissed and obviously didn't do a good job of hiding it, as it wasn't long before he was asking me what was wrong. Needless to say, he had a good laugh at my expense.

Jerk. ;)

So glad I was able to keep my lip buttoned

Last weekend, as we were thisclose to drifting off to Dream Land, Chebbar sleepily whispered, "Honey, can I take the Mazda to work next week?"  I lay there, panicking, trying to figure out way to say no without saying no.  He went on, saying that he wanted to show is Dad (we ended up going to see his dad/show him the car the following day... lol) and Co-Worker, and pointed out that the car pooling would likely be a lot easier with the 4-door car.

"Just for this week," he pleaded.  I recovered (I hope) by saying OF COURSE he could take my the car.

I drove his car all week.  I was *so* looking forward to today because he's not working, so I would be able to drive the Mazda.  His car feels so... heavy; sluggish; boat-like; slow.  I wanted my zippy little car back -- I missed my baby!

Well.

Last night, as we were thisclose to drifting off to Dream Land, Chebbar sleepily whispered, "Honey, which car are you taking to work tomorrow?"  Again, I lay there, this time trying to ascertain what he was getting at.  "Which car do you want?" I hedged.  He went on to tell me that it didn't matter because he didn't need to leave the house today, but the car was on empty (as in, the little light was on empty *harrumph*). 

"I can put gas in it in the morning before you go," he offered.  I told him not to be silly, that I'd just take his car.  He said he knew I wanted to take the Mazda and that I hadn't driven it all week, saying what I was thinking when he stated that he should have put gas in the car before he came home yesterday.  I told him not ot worry about it and repeated the offer to take his car.

When I got up this morning (while he slept on), I was muttering under my breath about having to drive his car, snarking that he SHOULD have put gas in the damned Mazda before he came home, or at the very least told me BEFORE 10:30 at night so I had the option of filling it up.  I snark, snark, snarked to myself until my breakfast was ready, then sat down at the table with my tea and my book.  Halfway through my toast, I heard the bedroom door open.  He stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, and smiled blearily at me as he proudly told me he was going to put gas in the car. 

Because I didn't want to show outwardly (although, that was likely a waste of time: he knows me so damned well, that I'm sure he knew how disappointed I was last night) how touched (and appreciative!) I was, I kept my "awwwwww!" to myself.  Again, I told him he didn't have to go put gas in the car (I play the martyr SO damned well, and without even realizing it most of the time *eye roll*) -- hell, I could get my ass in gear and leave a few minutes early so I could do it.  But out the door he went, seemingly happy to do this small thing that would make me happy.

He's good people.  And I love him.  And appreciate him.  And I'm so, so glad I didn't unleash the harpy on him.  ♥

*bounces around like a goofball*

WE'RE GOING TO VEGAS, BABY!  :D  24 more sleeps!  eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I has a sad. And a worried.

We sold the Sunfire.  YAY!

We agreed to use the money to go to Vegas in September.  DOUBLE YAY!

This morning I found out that they're looking into having the salaried staff go on a work reduction program, so I could potentially be cut to 4 days a week (if not 3).  BOO!

Chebbar will, in all likelihood, be cut to 3 weeks a month.  DOUBLE BOO!

That will put us at a total of 1 paycheque lost per month.  TRIPLE BOO!

In light of the possibility we'll be light a lot of moola, it looks like Vegas is on hold.  QUADRUPLE BOO!

Chebbar had the decency to "lovingly" point out that we could BOTH be laid off.  ULCER!  CORONARY!  ANXIETY ATTACK!

I did talk to the HR woman and she told me that, at this point in time, they only want to see what their options are (they're not looking to put office staff on work reduction at this point) -- that it took them too long to find a good "team" and they don't want to jeopardize that.  However, I know the reality is that I very well could be laid off.  And when I looked at the job postings on the weekend, well, there are jobs out there, but at 50% of the pay I'm making now. 

Part of me wants to continue throwing caution to the wind and being spontaneous and booking the damned trip -- this is "extra" money anyhow.  However, the fiscally responsible part of me is screaming "What are you, stupid?!?  You could both be out of work at some point and you're willing to blow $1,500 on a vacation???  *smack*"

I would like a vacation.  I would like to be able to pretend that things are (going to be) okay.  I would like something to look forward to.  However, I have a feeling my other half isn't going to be on board with any of that.  I hate the economy.  It's a fucker.

Meme Monday

I was going to an "adult" meme, but I'm just too damned much of a prude.  *sigh*


1 - Why are you best friends with your best friend?
My best friends - G & D - are just exceptional people who are kind-hearted, generous, down-to-earth people who would give you the shirts off their backs if you needed, no questions asked and no expectations of repayment.  They're fabulous and I'm so grateful to have them in my life (I consider them family, not just friends).

2 - What bothers you the most about other people?
Characteristic-wise?  Liars.  Habit?  Interrupting and/or people who scuff their feet when they walk.
 
3 - Would you ever marry for money?
My answer is "hell no."  Chebbar would tell me not to be so hasty -- marry for money, divorce the sucker, and go back to Chebbar with the dough.  lol

4 - Do you prefer to text message or talk on the phone?
I like text messages for quick questions or as little hellos during the day, but I do enjoy a good phone conversation.

5 - Do you believe that 30 really is the new 20?
Who cares?  Age is simply a number.  Everyone gets older: no one is exempt from aging, so embrace it.

6 - If you had a crush on someone would you tell them?
When I had crushes on guys, I generally kept them to myself.

7 - What is one of the toughest things you ever had to do?
Be patient, have faith, and wait.  ;)
 
8 - Name a challenge you are faced with on a regular basis?
Cutting myself slack/not being so damned hard on myself

9 - Do you cry a lot?
Ugh.  More than I prefer.
 
10 - Do you have a plan?
Not particularly.
 
11 - Do you think its possible to only love one person for the rest of your life?
Yes, and I've found him.  :)
 
12 - Are you close with your family?
My immediate family, yes.
 
13 - Name one thing that you are good at?
Self-deprecation
 
14 - Name one thing that you are bad at?
Math
 
15 - Your thoughts on Karma?
It exists.

16 - What does the 5th text message in your inbox say?
"What's your mailing address?" from an unknown number (figured it out, but was a little o_O at first... lol)
 
17 - What did you reply to it?
"Who is this?"
 
18 - What do you do for a living?
Office goddess
 
19 - Do you honk your horn at old people when they are driving bad?
I only honk when people cut me off/get too close/creep into my lane (and that's at ANY person: I don't discriminate :P )

20 - Why do you do facebook surveys?
Because I'm a meme whore.

O hai! I've hit 100.

Hmm... A lot of the stuff about me is listed in my "about me" section.  I'll try to compile this list without falling back on those items, but please forgive me if I duplicate something -- I find it *very* hard to come up with snippets about myself.

1. I find it *very* hard to come up with snippets about myself.  :P
2. I overuse smilies/emoticons.  I also overuse ellipses, dashes, and parentheses.
   
3. I am long-winded.  I'm just as long-winded in real life.  I digress.  A lot.
4. I have a short attention span, which is likely part of why I digress.  A lot.
5. I lurve teh intarwebz.  I have met so many wonderful, fabulous people online who have improved my life for the better.
6. Case in point: I met Chebbar online.  ;)
7. I find it FAR easier to make friends online than in person.  I attribute this to the fact that we moved so much when I was a kid.
8. I love LOLcats and LOLspeak.  However, I *hate* text speak -- "ppl" and "u" makes you look silly, especially if you're over the age of 13.
   
9. I have the sense of humour of an 8-year old boy: nothing makes me crack a grin faster than bathroom humour or a well-timed curse word.
10. My mind also tends to lean towards the perverted.  My mind doesn't visit the gutter: it LIVES there.
    
11. I went to 7 schools by the time I hit grade 8.
12. I have 2 best friends (G & D).  I have many, many acquaintances, but not many people I would consider a "regular" friend.
13. As such, between the lack of friends and the family I don't speak to (4 at last count), the one thing I've *always* worried about in regards to a traditional wedding is that there would be 3 people seated on my side of the church.
14. My mom and her sister (my aunt) had a falling out when I was 15; my aunt contacted me once after that to ream me out for leaning too heavily on my grandmother and hasn't spoken to me since.  I wrote my biological father off (literally wrote him a letter telling him not to contact me again) when I was 21.  My grandparents "wrote [me] off" when they "wrote [my] mother off" when I was 23.  I don't miss any of those toxic people and my life is better for them not being in it.
    
15. This is a carry-over from the (one remaining) message board I frequent.
16. I'm sorry if this bothers you.  I know it's not for everyone.
    
17. I won't have to pee until I think about peeing, at which point the need will be undeniable, even if I only dribble a few drops.  Oh, or if you tell me I *can't* go.
18. I don't have anxiety/panic attacks often, but when I do, they're awful and I hate them.
19. I'm a sap.  I cry easily and often.  Books, greeting cards, commercials, greeting card commercials... you get the picture.
20. I H.A.T.E. that time just before FLOrence Henderson arrives and I get all hormonal and shit. 
    
21. More specifically, I hate not being in control.
22. I'm an anal-retentive control freak.
23. However, eventually I can get to the point in almost every situation that I can accept that everything works out the way it's meant to work out in its own good time.  It hasn't let me down yet (either that or I end up making my peace and accepting the outcome).
    
24. Letting go like that is both scary and liberating. 
    
25. I love lists.
26. I'm a meme whore.
27. I curse a lot and I like it that way.  Most of the time.
    
28. I talk to myself.  Well, I talk out loud my side of conversations I'd like to have, especially when I'm mad/upset/frustrated.  I also do this to organize my thoughts in regards to what I want to say, how I want to say it, and in what order I'd like to share.
    
29. When (if) the time comes for said conversation, I generally forget everything I wanted to say.
    
30. I do timed typing tests.  For fun.
31. I have strange ideas of what "fun" consists of.
32. If I am shopping with someone else and have to stand while they browse, I will finger-space the hangers on the clothes racks.  Retail habits die hard,  yo.
33. I hate dusting.  It is the most pointless chore on earth.  I'd rather scrub a toilet than dust.
34. I have three scars: one from a hernia operation when I was 7; one on my lip from when I kissed the corner of a brick wall when I was 8; and one around my ankle from when I was 13.
35. I have four tattoos: a tribal band around my left ankle that I got when I was 20 to try to disguise the scar (see above); a tribal butterfly on my right shoulder that was my 25th birthday gift to myself; a "tribal" Taurus symbol on my right ankle I got as a quasi-memorial to D's little girl when I was 29; and a tribal turtle on my left shoulder that was my 30th birthday gift from Chebbar.
36. I finally feel like I'm done with my tattoos because they're "equal" and "even out" on my body. 
    
37. At the same time, I'll never say that I'd never get another one.  They really ARE addicting.
38. I have no problem with bloody movie injuries that are a result of guns, explosions, falls, etc; however, I can.not. watch someone being beaten up, even though I know it's not "real" (saw one too many awful fights while in high school and now it makes me physically ill).
39. I epitomize eldest child characteristics to a scary degree.
40. This one time, at band camp...  Nah, not really.  But this one time, my brother and I were fighting over a Cabbage Patch Kid outfit and for some reason I had it in my mouth.  He yanked it free.  I can still conjure up the feeling of that cheap cotton squeaking across my teeth and it still gives me full-body shivers.
41. I have a seriously corny sense of humour.  No, seriously: my siblings favourite thing to say to me (aside from calling me their other mother) is, "Chibi, you're NOT funny.  You're CORNY.  Quit trying to be funny!"
42. I hate, HATE, HATE people who shuffle/slide their feet instead of picking them up when they walk.  THEY'RE FEET, PEOPLE!  NOT SNOWSHOES!  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PICK. THEM. UP!!!
    
43. I started this list on January 21 because I knew I'd never be able to come up with 100 things fast enough for my 100th post.
44. I "smoked" for a week when I was in grade 8.  I blessed you with seemingly random quotation marks because I doubt it would really count as smoking, as I don't think I ever inhaled...
45. I have never smoked pot (I have ingested it, however -- I didn't realize it was a special brownie until I had a bite).  I'm not morally opposed to it, I just cannot fathom relinquishing that much control for an unknown length of time.
46. I do wonder if I'm missing out.
47. I can't sleep during the day unless I'm sick, and I usually can't even sleep then.
48. I'm a cynic with a Pollyanna twist: I doubt everyone and everything, but look for the best in people/life.
49. All the moving we did when I was a kid left me with an inherent need to be liked/included.
50. It is easy for me to feel inadequate
51. I sometimes worry that people don't really like me, but are simply humouring me until I give up and go away.
52. I rarely wear lipstick/gloss or eyeshadow, yet I own many, many of each, and feel compelled to buy MORE.
53. I don't think I necessarily whine when I'm sick, but I'm definitely cranky(er than usual).
54. I am deathly afraid of spiders: even if I see an image of one on TV, I have to change the channel.  That being said, I will kill them (and then shake, shiver, and shudder for 5 minutes afterward).  If I don't, they will end up in my bed.  Or in my hair.  *cries*
55. Chebbar is deathly afraid of bees and wasps.  I know that fact isn't exactly about me, but the fact that I get this perverse little "manly" thrill in killing them and "saving" him is about me.
56. I don't question how things work or why things are the way they are often enough.   There is currently an ad on a bus shelter near our place that asks, "How do planes stay in the air?"  I look at that sign and think, "Huh, I never wondered that.  I wonder WHY I never wondered that?"  It just doesn't occur to me: my mind doesn't work that way (maybe it doesn't work at all!  D: )
57. I am an ISFJ.
58. I "played" with my Barbies until I was 12.  However, "playing" simply consisted of changing their outfits and doing their hair.  I wasn't an overly imaginative child.
59. Being told that alcoholism is hereditary when I was in peer counseling in grade 11 coupled with my biological father's drinking problem has always weighed in the back of my mind when booze makes an appearance.
60. I can swim, but I won't go in lake/ocean water deeper than where my feet can touch.  However, I am fine in the deep end of a pool because I can see the bottom.
61. I like my steak well done.  There, I said it.
62.  I am freak in regards to food safety.  If raw chicken touches ANYTHING but the plate its on and the knife I'm cutting it with, the entire kitchen will get bleached. 
    
63. When I'm stressed, I can't sleep; when I can't sleep, I stress.  *sigh*
64. I will be 31 in April and still don't feel like a "grown up" most days -- I seriously feel like I'm playing house or something.
65. I always assume that people have it more together/are more mature/successful than I am just because they *look* put together.
    
66. This probably has a lot to do with the fact that I didn't move out of my parents' home until I was 28.
67. That being said, I moved straight from their place into a condo I purchased on my own (well, with the help of the bank).
68. I am totally and completely conflicted over the thought of having children -- I honestly can't say that I want them or don't (and my answer changes from minute to minute).  I don't feel ready yet (as I still feel very much like a child), but at almost 31, I feel my window of opportunity is ever-dwindling.
69. It took me 7 years to finish my degree (after a year of general studies); I knew I no longer wanted to do anything related at year 6, but just couldn't give up and quit at that point.
70. I'm still marginally bothered by the fact that I've done nothing with my education related to the field, even though I know I'd be miserable if I did.
71. And that being said, I probably wouldn't change a thing because I *really* enjoyed the course material.
72. So far, I only have one "grey" hair (pretty much dead center of the part) and it's snow white (as in, if I yank it out and place it on a white hand towel, it disappears).  My great grannie had snow white hair.  Knowing I share this with her makes it okay.  :)
73. I hate math.  I was very good at it until grade 12 calculus (I was doing so poorly, it brought my grade point average down enough that I dropped out to maintain my A Honours status).  Since then, my confidence in my mathematical ability is non-existent.
74. I made the honour roll for the first time in grade 4 and was on it every year until I graduated.
75. My self-esteem is far worse than anyone would guess: I've been faking it 'til I make it for so long that I appear outwardly confident.
76. I second-guess myself ALL the time.  The second I do that, I have zero faith in myself.
77. I am ridiculously introspective and self-aware, and probably analyze myself too much/often.
78. If I dislike a food, chances are good that it's a texture thing as opposed to a taste issue.
79. I haaaaaaaaaate the "myspace face" that shows up in the pictures of every female (and many males) under the age of 25 -- you know, the kissy faced I'm-trying-so-damned-hard-to-look-sexy-but-just-look-like-I-sucked-on-a-lemon face?  My apologies if you make that face.
80. I am a dirty, dirty reality TV whore.  *hangs head*
81. I hate the summer heat and humidity.  I don't handle it well: I get sticky and sweaty and cranky.
82. I love spring and fall is a very close second.  However, if it's not 30 degrees outside, I'm cold.  All. The. Damned. Time.
    
83. I love the smell of coffee, but hate the taste -- I have to load it so full of cream and sugar that I might as well be drinking syrup.
84. However, I do like coffee-flavoured things.  I luuurve Tim Horton's iced cappuccinos.  I'll drink a mocha if forced to go somewhere like Starbucks.
85. I can't wrap my brain around games (like Chebbar's beloved WoW) that don't have a definitive ending/winner: they seem like a pointless waste of time to me.
86. I hate wearing socks in the summer.  HAAAAAAAAAAATE
87. I learned to read when I was 5 and have been an insatiable reader ever since -- I wouldn't go *anywhere* without a book, and still won't. 
    
88. I rarely buy books because a) they're too expensive, b) I read too much, and c) I don't have the space to keep 'em all.  The public library is my friend.
89. After so many text books in so many years of schooling, I pretty much only read "fluff" now.  I'm not ashamed of that.  Mostly.
90. I have two "rules" for reading: 1) only one book at a time (unless I do something dumb like forget my book at work) and 2) if a crappy book doesn't improve by the end of chapter two, it gets tossed -- life is too short for shitty reading.
    
91. I have a serious soft-spot for the books I read as a kid.  If I did have a library, it would be filled with Beverly Clearly, Roald Dahl, the Anne of Green Gables series, etc.
92. I think the reason I love books so much is because they were my constant companion as a child who moved a lot and had a hard time making new friends.
93. I had received a boxed set of Anne of Green Gables when I was 18.  When I was 19, our basement flooded and they were ruined.  I missed those books something fierce.  When I told Chebbar this shortly after meeting him, he tried twice to find me another set before finding one for my birthday last year.  ♥
94. I would like to get married, just so I could "belong" to someone.  I know how old-fashioned and backward that sounds, but it's the truth.  I've always been the one-off in my family: my siblings have the same last name and my mom and step-dad have the same last name -- I've always been the only "Jeebs."  I want to feel like I belong as part of my husband's family.  Cheesy, but so am I.
95. You will almost always be unsuccessful if you press me to pick a favourite anything -- food, song, book, colour, etc.: 99.9% of the time, my answer will be "it depends."
96. I practiced cartwheels in the hallway one summer when I was 9 years old until I mastered them.  I never could do a round-off, though.
    
97. I also practiced whistling with my fingers until I figured it out.  I used to be able to whistle one-handed, but I can't seem to do it anymore.
98. I think I might border on OCD at times.  I count stairs, and not just the first time I come across: I literally have to force myself not to count all 48 stairs between the garage and our apartment.  Things *have* to be even/symmetrical.  I count a lot of things without consciously realizing I'm doing it.  I eat candy like Skittles according to colour/flavour and they must be eaten in twos.  I have to touch the lock on the door before I go to bed to assure myself that the door is in fact locked, even if I locked it 5 minutes earlier.  Wow, now I sound like a bit of a nutter.
99. I am a sarcastic wench and can crack a one-liner here and there, but my wit fails me when I need it.  I *always* have a comeback; unfortunately, it's usually at 3am.
    
100. In my over-achiever's quest at efficiency, I finished this list with 18 entries until I reach 100.  *eye roll*

Inappropriate work attire

I was updating my status on facebook with these little gems until a (wise) friend sent me a message reminding me to be careful about what I post on FB. Now, I have a strict no co-workers on facebook policy (after having learned THAT lesson the hard way -- a story for another day), so it shouldn't be an issue. However, I'm paranoid, so I deleted those status updates.

And decided I'd post 'em here, instead. }:-)

I have a co-worker who makes... interesting choices in her attire.

One day, it was red satin platform peep toe pumps, something like this:



Now, don't get me wrong: they are dead sexy and something I'd wear. On a hot date. Not to work. In a fabrication facility. Oh, they come in black, too. I've seen them.

Another day, we were treated to something reminiscent of these:



These, erm, blindingly beautiful boots were accompanied by a slit-to-there black satin pencil skirt. Left of Lost remarked -- quite rightly -- that she'd rock the outfit if she could, and I agree (although, I think LoL could rock that outfit *wink*). But again, not quite sure it's what I would choose to wear to work.

And today? Today was a total IWA faux pas fashion learning experience. She was wearing a zip-up hoody (greyish-brown) over a white T-shirt with a denim skirt over black leggings and something akin to THESE:



Except turquoise. And covered in rhinestones. My eyes are beginning to hurt (from all the rolling they've been doing). lol

What sleep deprivation will do to you

I haven't had a full (meaning more than 4 hours at a stretch) night's sleep since... Tuesday? Wednesday? of last week.  Last week, it was my back causing me grief: the pain and discomfort was enough to make it impossible for me to get comfortable enough long enough to drift off.  Since the weekend, I think the time change has done me in *shakes fist at DST*.

Last night I decided I'd take a Benedryl before bed (along with my Sleepy Time Tea) to ensure I'd get some sleep.  That worked great.  For about an hour (a bodily function that didn't materialize woke me up).  I managed to get back to sleep, only to be awoken by the same thing an hour later.

I was awake at 1:30.  I was awake at 2:07.  I was awake at 2:42.  I was awake at 4:33.  I was awake at 5:00 (when Chebbar's alarm went off).  I don't think I actually got fully back to sleep (I don't count those little 10 minute head bobs as sleep) before my alarm went off at 6:30.

Somewhere between 4:33 and 5:00, I had a dream in which Chebbar and I had been transported back in time about 10 years.  We were both living with our respective parents (which is funny itself considering his mother took off about 5 years before that), and Chebbar's house was not far from my grandparents' (old) house (the grandparents I don't speak to). 

I had driven from my house to my grandparents', then walked to Chebbar's for some reason.  When I got there, his mom (who looked eerily like one of my old annoying customers from Retail Hell) was being very snarky, but in that back-handed sarcastic way that leaves you scratching your head wondering if you really heard what you think you just heard.  Chebbar was acting very withdrawn and rather depressed.  He wouldn't look at me, wouldn't touch me, and hardly said two words.  Eventually I gave up and left.

I went back to my grandparents' and logged onto some web page where Chebbar had posted messages to me and another girl (not anyone I/we "know" outside of dream land).  The message to her said that he could no longer be friends with a "pasty, white girl" who allowed [redacted] to tell her to wash the dishes.  o_O  The message to me said that he could no longer be my boyfriend because he didn't like the way I said "I love you" and because I wore sweatpants too much. 

I went home to my parents, confused and heartbroken.  Pop said that this didn't sound like Chebbar and called him.  He managed to drag out of Chebbar that his mom didn't like me and that they were moving far away.

Then the alarm went off.

I think I prefer NOT remembering my effed up dreams.  Geesh.

Meme Monday

1. Where did you take your profile pic?
Grandma's house

2. What exactly are you wearing right now?
Brown pants, cranberry sweater, white T-shirt, black socks & shoes, underwear & bra, with my company jacket on and my fleece sweater over my lap (it's damned cold in here)

3. What is your current problem?
I am tired, crampy, and my mouth still hurts

4. What makes you happy most?
Chebbar -- the most happy and the most often

5. What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
The Man Who Sold the World by Nirvana

6. Any celebrity you would marry?
Nope

7. Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Queen Elizabeth (and my grandmother)

8. Ever sang in front of a large audience?
Christmas concerts in elementary school (but part of the group, not a solo)

9. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
LOL  No.

10. Do you still watch kiddy movies or kiddie TV shows?
Not so much, but I'll read kiddy books!

11. Do you speak any language?
Aside from the obvious?  I took French through grade 11, but I couldn't have a conversation.  I can hold my own in Pig Latin, though.

12. Has anyone you've been close with passed away?
My great grandparents

13.Do you ever watch MTV?
If there's nothing better to watch on the weekends (and if what is playing doesn't make me want to toss the TV off the deck -- My Super Sweet 16 anyone?  *rawr*)

14. What's something that really annoys you?
People who scuff their feet when they walk -- they're SHOES, people, not cross country skis!

Chapter 1:
===============
1. Middle name(s):
Marie

2. Nickname(s):
Chibi ;)

3. Current location:
Work

4. Eye color:
Green

Chapter 2:
===============

1. Do you get along with your parent(s)?
My mom and step-dad, yes.

2.Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
Heh, which dad?  :P 

3. Do you have any Siblings?
1 of each

Chapter 3: Favorites
===============

1. Ice Cream:
Yes please -- heh, I'm keeping this answer!

2. Season:
Spring

3. Shampoo/conditioner:
Sun Silk

Chapter 4: Do You..
===============

1. Dance in the shower:
Who the hell does this?

2. Do you write on your hand?
Not if I can help it

3. Call people back:
Eventually

4. Believe in love:
Yes

6. Any bad habits?
How much time do we have?

7. Any mental health issues?
No diagnosed ones

Chapter 5: Have You..
===============

1. Broken a bone:
My nose and both baby toes (separate incidents, thank jeebus)

2. Sprained stuff:
Nope

3. Had physical therapy:
Nope

4. Gotten stitches:
Yup: tripped off a sidewalk and slammed into the corner of a brick wall, splitting my lip open and narrowly missing my front teeth when I was 9.  Oh, I guess the stitches after my hernia operation when I was 8 would count, too.

5. Taken painkillers:
Bwa!

6. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling:
Nope

7. Been stung by a bee:
Yup: flew up my sleeve when I was on a swing and stung me in the armpit (also when I was 9 -- that wasn't a very good year for me!  lol)

8. Thrown up at the dentist:
Nooooo

9. Sworn in front of your parents:
Durr

10. Had detention:
Nope

11. Been called a ho:
No, but a "friend" called me a slut when I was 14 (and SO far from a "slut" it's laughable) -- was the only time I ever physically assaulted someone (only slapped him across the face, but put all my weight behind it: the slap was heard all the way down the hall and left a red hand print on his face).

Chapter 6: Who/What was the last
===============

1. Movie(s):
The Watchmen

2. Three people to text you:
Chebbar, Bro, and Sis

3. Person you called:
Ha!  Mazda

4. Person you hugged:
Chebbar

5. Person you tackled:
I don't know that I've ever tackled anyone...

6. Person you talked to on IM:
Chebbar

7. Thing you touched:
Uh, the keyboard?

8. Thing you ate:
A Gala apple

9. Thing you said:
"Oh, so you were just being a cheeky shit?" (to my boss and another staff member...  oops!)

10. Person you kissed:
Chebbar

I'm a slightly awful girlfriend

No, really.

Chebbar's best friend D is here from Alberta in between work and school (he is on his way to becoming a fully ticketed electrician); he goes home Monday.

Another friend, M, was trying to arrange a game night for them all to get together and play Risk (heh). Chebbar always tells me I'm more than welcome to accompany him anywhere he goes, but it was going to be a bunch of guys sitting around dorking out on a board game -- there weren't going to be any other girlfriends (or even non-game playing guys) for me to visit with, so it only made sense for me to stay home.

However.

For some reason, it was *really* bugging me that he was "leaving" me tonight. I think part of it has to do with him going back and forth for the past two days between saying HE was going and WE were going -- one minute I was included, but the next I wasn't. I also think my FUBAR'd back is playing a part: I'm in so much pain and so uncomfortable that I'm completely exhausted and don't want to do anything at all, never mind for myself.

In all fairness, I generally don't like him to witness my whininess, but I just wanted to be babied today. I likely wouldn't have been very pleasant company anyhow; I'm so friggin miserable that I probably should be sequestered... lol As well, with it basically being D's last night here, of *course* I want Chebbar to get to spend time with him (D likely won't make it back for another 8 months or so).

I didn't want him to go and/or leave me at home by myself, but I didn't want to admit it out loud. I had a bit of a pout, but then sucked it up and got over it without actually verbalizing my bullshit (I guarantee he has some inkling as to what kind of bug was up my ass, but we didn't discuss it and I'm glad). After my (first) (45 minute) massage therapy appointment, we ended up going to the shore to walk around (holy cold, Batman!) before he dropped me off at home. I've done absofreakinglutely nothing but read blogs and eat dinner and I don't feel the slightest bit guilty.

But the old back is starting to ache again, so I should go grab the heating pad. Urgh.

Endings and beginnings

Monday was the second anniversary of the loss of my best friends' daughter.  She was born too soon at 5 months and couldn't fight any more.  Everyone was prepared -- somewhat.  D started bleeding near the end of her third month due to a case of placenta previa .  The doctor told D she had to stop working.  She also had to stop cleaning her house and lifting her 2.5 year old son.  Unfortunately, the bleeding didn't stop. 

Knowing that losing A was a possibility didn't make it any easier for anyone.  G & D loved their little girl fiercely from the moment they found out D was pregnant.  The loss hit them hard, and to a degree, they still haven't recovered.  G will not even discuss the possibility of trying again.  D is frustrated and feeling like she's not being heard.  In an intangible way that he likely hasn't noticed, Mr. Man has suffered, too.

On Wednesday, one of D's oldest friends gave birth to a healthy baby boy.  We're going to visit tonight.  D is excited for J and is looking forward to meeting the new addition, but she's already apologized in advance if she cries in the car. 

Two years later, their profound loss still breaks my heart.

Meme Tuesday

Late again.  *sigh*


Alive or dead, who do you most admire (and why)? 
My great grandparents.  I am so amazed at what they went through to get to Canada and succeed as they did.  I'll also be eternally grateful that they gave my mom the love, affection, and attention that she was missing from her own parents -- I honestly believe that the circle of abuse would have continued had it not been for the positive example my great grandparents set.

If you had $10,000 and one hour left to live, what would you do with the money?
Oh, man.  The first thought to pop into my head was "massive shopping spree!"  However, 1.3 seconds later, I realized I wouldn't be around to enjoy it, so I'd take my family on a massive shopping spree: I'd get to enjoy watching them spend the money, and I'd know they be able to enjoy their spoils after I was gone.

What is your most guilty pleasure (only one thing) and does anyone else know about it?
Probably crap/reality TV.  Everyone knows about it because I'm an open book and don't know when to keep my idiosyncrasies to myself.  lol

What is your favorite period in history, and why?
I'm honestly not sure.  I loved History class and enjoyed learning about the World Wars and such, but I don't know...

What would be the ideal age to live to, and why?
Oh, man!  This meme sucks.  Too much thinking!  lol  I'd like to live until the day before Chebbar dies so I won't have to live without him.  However, that's rather selfish on my part, so I'd be willing to live until the day *after* he dies, but only one day: I don't want to live without him.

Who in history would you choose to spend one day with?
Again, I'm going to go with my great grandparents.  They do so much in their lives: I'd love to experience just one day, start to finish, with them (well, aside from the times that I stayed with them in the summer *wink*).

Names or faces?
Both, I guess.  Remembering names without recalling faces would be a little weird, no?

If you could have any view in the world visible from your bed, what would it be?
Probably something involving a body of water, the sun, and some trees and/or sand.

If you had to give a prize for the most sexy politician in history, who would it be?
Hmm...  Margaret Thatcher?  Hehehe

What do you think is the least erotic part of the body? The most?
Least: feet -- I hate feet.  They're ugly.  Most: mouth -- oh, the things it can do!  Kiss, lick, suck, whisper "sweet nothings"...

If you could make anyone in the world do something each day, who would that be and what would you have them do?
I would make all my loved ones tell each other that they love each other (that sounds funny, all those "each others").

If you had to name the one thing in your life that you have witnessed that best represents Goodness, what would you say?
I think I'd have to go with the banding together to pitch in and help virtual strangers online is an excellent example of goodness, trust, and faith in humanity.

If you could suddenly find out that one work of fiction was actually true, what book would you select?
The Borrowers!

If you could name the sexiest words anyone could say to you, what would they be?
"I'll make dinner, honey."

If you could put anyone you know on Prozac, who would you choose?
Co-Worker

If you could be the house cat or lap dog of any person on earth, whose would you choose to be?
Oprah's

If you had to name the one thing that most frightens you about growing old, what would it be?
Ending up alone and unloved

If you could choose your first name, what would it be?
I like the one I have, thanks.

If you could have one fabric next to your skin for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Cotton

If you could only have one pair of shoes to live with for the rest of your life, what would they be?
Flip flops

Carpet or hardwood floors?
Hardwood with area rugs

What is the best album ever recorded?
Seriously?!?  I can't pick one.

What is your dream car/vehicle?
I ♥ my Mazda.

Do you have a secret crush that would shock people?
Nope: everyone knows who I have a crush on.  ;)

If you could live anywhere you wanted, where would it be (and it can't be where you are right now)?
Whoa.  That's a tough one.  Somewhere *like* where I live right now?  Not too rural, but not too city; not too far from my family/friends; mountains, lakes, trees, etc.

What is the strongest opinion you hold?
Everyone has the right to choose, be it partners, religion, abortion, etc.

What is the biggest lie you've ever told?
HA!  Like I'd admit that out loud!

What is the one thing you'd most like to change about the world?
I'd love to end the suffering.

Who have you most feared in your life?
I can't recall being honest-to-god scared of anyone. 

What is the strongest craving you get?
Touch.  And water.

What have you lost that you would most like to retrieve?
My mind?  (how original, right?  lol)  I didn't "lose" this in the sense of misplaced it, but I "lost" (read: had stolen, IMO) the 50th anniversary portrait of my great grandparents and it chaps my ass all the damned time.

Where and when have you felt most uncomfortable being nude?
Anywhere/time I've been nude?  Yeah, I don't love my body.

What is your most euphoric moment?
To date?  When we decided to give it another go.

What was the best thing about your youth?
Innocence

What was the worst thing about your youth?
Growing up too soon/fast

What's the most imaginative thing you've ever done as an adult?
Oh, god.  I plod along in my mediocre little life and don't even realize it.  I have no clue.  Make greeting cards?

What is the least you've ever worn in public?
A bathing suit 100 years ago

Who is the most fascinating person you've ever met?
Almost everyone I meet is fascinating in some respect -- I love to hear people's stories.

What, more than anything, makes you angry?
Being lied to

What, more than anything, makes you scared?
Being left

What, more than anything, makes you happy?
Being loved