Last night, not long before we shut everything down to go to bed, he got a message on facebook (?!?) from his sister Sarah letting him know that Nana was back in the hospital and Pup would have to be put down sooner than later and that Pops had said not to "bother" Chebbar with it.
*raises eyebrow*
I'm not going to get into how... perturbed I am by the assertion that Chebbar not be "bothered" by the fact that his grandmother is in the hospital AGAIN (she was in the hospital a couple of times last year, starting with a heart attack almost exactly a year ago): his way of thinking is that his dad likely thinks he made the right decision; that maybe he knows something Sarah doesn't and that's why he's got a "meh, no big deal" attitude; and that if Nana passed away in her sleep, Chebbar wouldn't have the opportunity to see her first. If he's okay with it, I pretty much have to be okay with it.
However, I'm worried about him. He was already rather melancholy over the prospect of losing Pup. He's been really down over the fact that a) there aren't many jobs out there (the recession's "over" MY ASS), and b) even when he has an "in," he still can't seem to get hired (in all fairness, our "in" keeps telling us that the company hasn't finished the hiring and that all hope is not lost yet, but I *know* how brutal it is to think that you're unhireable). The closer the end of his EI gets, the more worried he understandably becomes. Finding out that Nana's not doing well again just compounds the issue.
To further compound things, his aunt is supposed to come down from the interior just for a visit with Nana this weekend: if the prevailing thought was to not bother Chebbar (who only lives 20 minutes away), I don't know if his dad has taken the same attitude with filling his aunt in. She emailed me this morning, and now I feel like a complete and utter shit for not telling her, but it's REALLY not my place (and damned if I want to be the cause of family strife period, never mind at a time like this).
Chebbar and I joke all the time about how similar we are - how we damn-near share a brain. There is one fundamental difference, though: I talk about what is bothering or worrying me, while he shuts down. Until my grandfather passed away in October, he hadn't been to a funeral; until his uncle passed away in October (who he hadn't seen since he was a child), he hadn't lost a family member. I'm so worried he's going to shut down - shut me out - and that I won't be able to help him; that I won't know HOW to help him.
So sorry to hear that Chebber's grandmother and the dog are not well!
ReplyDeleteHang in there on the job front-took Hubs 2 years to find a job when he was laid off years ago, and then all of a sudden everything just fell in place. It's hard, I know.
The only advice I can give is to be patient with him, and be there to listen. If you need a shoulder, you know where to find me!
I really hope things get better for you *hugs*
ReplyDeleteWow, that is a lot to be struggling with. MB is the same as Chebbar. He internalizes everything. I've found that just being there for him works wonders. He'll open up when he's ready. I just try and be supportive. Sometimes that's all you can do.
ReplyDeleteOf course, there is no comfort for the loss of a dog. It is a grief like no other. My heart goes out to him and you. Good thoughts for you both and for the pup and for his grandmother. :)
aw. that sucks big ones.
ReplyDeleteMy hubs is the same way. He just bottles it all up inside until he finally explodes. He will just get all angry and mad but will still not want to talk about it.
I have found the best thing to do is just stand by and support him. I will let him know that i am here if he wants to listen and i am quick to give him hugs and extra signs of affection. He usually comes around, but it takes awhile.
Ah darling. The thing is, he may indeed shut down, at least as long as it takes him to get a handle on things. I, also, don't get "coping" that way - as you know, but I do know LOTS of men who do.
ReplyDeleteHugging you, dear. Seriously.
Dang it!! Why is it posting me twice!!
ReplyDeleteOh honey. You can't make him open up. But I'm sure you already know that. Just make sure that he knows you're prepared to listen, if and when he's ready to talk. There just isn't a magic pill. I am the same way...D has to push and push me to talk sometimes. I internalize everything.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you, babe.
Oh man, what a lot to have to deal with at once! Just try to take it one day at a time and be there for him in whatever way you can. It is so difficult, I know.
ReplyDeleteUgh. When it rains it pours and I hate that!! Virtually hugs to you and Chebbar (even though he doesn't have boobs!)
ReplyDeleteHopefully things turn around soon!