Resolve

According to Wikipedia, "A New Year's resolution is a commitment that an individual makes to a project or the reforming of a habit, often a lifestyle change that is generally interpreted as advantageous."  We commit to lose weight, save money, improve ourselves with such hope for change; however, apparently a staggering 88% will fail (and if jokes are given any credence, most will fail by January 2nd).  

What is it about a new year that instills such an inherent need to change?  Why weren't we good enough before?  What makes us think that this year will be different from every other?  Hell, what is it about a Monday that inspires us to start a diet or exercise regime?  Again?

I wish I knew: I feel like would be in possession of one of the keys to the universe if I could tell you.  I have mentioned numerous times my predilection for starting "next Monday" and my tendency to give up if I slip part-way through a week.  I know it's disordered thinking, yet I feel incapable of changing it.

This year, I struggled with the entire concept of resolutions.  While I know that publishing my inner-most desires will make me more accountable to myself, the thought of people silently shaking their heads as they witness my failure is enough to do my head in: there's something both liberating AND silencing in blogging.  

I went back and looked at my entry about resolutions from last year (days late, I might add).   I didn't do a very good job.  I'm sure I made a passable effort on some of them, but I know I didn't master all of them like I would prefer.  Failure (or my fear of) is an over-arching theme on this here blog - in my whole life to date - and I'm scared to fail both myself and the handful of people who read my writing.  As well, I am a master of self-flagellation: I am not harder on anyone else but myself.  There is no such thing as cutting myself slack.

To resolve is to come to come to a definite or earnest decision about, or to determine to do something.  This year, the only thing I resolve is to be kinder and gentler with myself - to love myself for who and what I am at this exact moment in time, with no reservations and no strings attached.  I don't need to be better, thinner, smarter, richer: I am perfect just the way I am, and I will convince myself of this, too.  

Did you make resolutions this year?  Why or why not?  How are you doing with them so far?

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