HYC: Week 38

(This post is likely going to be all over the place: I apologize in advance.)

Things are... a little better since my last post?  I end that sentence with a question mark because, for the most part, things ARE better, but if I'm in a low moment or having a bad day, things just seem sucktastical (like today, for instance, although I'm relatively certain that's more a by-product of not enough sleep for the second night in a row - really need to get a handle on the whole sleep thing).  I do feel mostly slug-like and would rather just flop in a chair and stay there, but it's getting easier to do stuff.  I'm slowly starting to care about things again, which is good.

I "confessed" my news to my mother via email on... Thursday night? Friday morning?  I still haven't heard from her.  Now?  I'm kind of pissed (because pissed is easier than hurt, y'all).  I can't think of a logical reason for her to have stayed silent for five days (even though the wise @whatsananna suggested that she may feel the need to *fix* things and doesn't know how, so doesn't know what to say).  If it's a matter of her not approving and/or not feeling able to support me, that's just fine: I'm doing what MY DOCTOR thinks is the best course of action for me, and if I'm okay with it, that's all that matters.  If she doesn't like it?  Too damned bad: this is MY life and I'll be damned if I suffer because someone else might not like it.

We had Chebbar's family over for dinner on Sunday for Nana's birthday, mostly because a) we couldn't think of a suitable gift, b) she couldn't either, c) she loves family dinners, and d) she shouldn't have to cook her OWN birthday dinner (and no one else was gonna offer to do it).  It went well, and I felt a little more like my old self having pulled it off (with help from Chebbar, of course).  

I had told Chebbar on Friday that I was giving myself the weekend to... wallow, but I was planning on getting back into the swing of things (including getting back on the (elliptical) horse - I worked out last Monday, and that was it) on Monday.  He kiiiiind of missed my point because he cut me off mid-sentence to emphatically state that I don't HAVE to do anything - I don't HAVE to "get back" to anything if I don't want to or aren't ready.  (Isn't he great?  He's really great.  I'm sure you're getting sick of how awesome he is, but he really is that awesome.)  It wasn't so much a "ZOMG! I HAVE TO DO IT ALLLLL!" as it was a cut-off point to leave the pity party: I know it's not as easy as just turning it off (duh), but at the same time, I also feel that I have to at least try to exert a little control over myself and not *let* myself wallow in that dark, dirty hole, y'know?  Does that make sense?

And I did.  Despite being so. freaking. exhausted. I was honestly worried I'd fall asleep at my desk at work, I did my workout yesterday.  I also was a rock star in the kitchen with dinner/dishes/lunches.  I felt like I had actually accomplished something when I was done - I felt efficient again.

NSV for me last week?  Totally had a DUH moment when I was trying to figure out why my shirt was longer than it used to be, and realized it's because there's less of me for it get hung up on.  DUH!  My pants are "longer," too.  :)