Dumb ass moment of the day*

*Just not today.


The first time I came home to an empty house after Chebbar started working again, I quickly changed my clothes, laced up my sneaks, and hit the road for a walk.  I haven't walked alone in aaaaages, so it was the first time I was giving my poor man's wannabe iPhone beloved iPod Touch a proper go.  I stuck one ear bud in my ear, shoved the other one down my shirt (they're offset for some reason, so one cord is longer than the other, yet not long enough that the second ear bud can be tucked in a pocket), and gently cradled my iTouch in the pouch pocket of my hoody.

I had barely made it three steps before the song changed.  I didn't really think much of it, assuming that the song was over.  Three more steps, and it happened again.  Three MORE steps, aaaaand again.

That's weird: I don't recall the iPod having a preview feature...

I pulled it out of my pocket, but it looked the same as it had before I put it IN my pocket - nothing had changed setting-wise.  The whole time I had it in my hand, it was fine.  I shrugged, put it back in my pocket, and...

...three steps later, IT DID IT AGAIN.

"Okay, now you're just FUCKING with me," I may have muttered thought.  I pulled it out of my pocket again and watched, waiting to see if I could catch it changing.  5 seconds; 10 seconds; 15 seconds; 30 seconds... nope.  Exasperated (considering I hadn't made it out of the damned parking lot), I shoved it BACK into my pocket and started off.

It did it again.

At this point I was ready to scream.  I pulled it out of my pocket and looked AGAIN (don't ask me what I thought I'd see the eleventeenth time around).  It wasn't doing it while I held it: only when it was in my pocket.

I shook it.

It changed the damned song.

Guess which DUMB ASS didn't realize there was a "shake to shuffle" feature?  Christ on a bike.

HYC: Week 17

I weighed in last week.  Yeah, not pretty.  Up 1.8 pounds.  Up on most measurements.  This isn't surprising, considering how much "down" time I've had.  Honestly?  I'm surprised the damage wasn't worse.  And honestly?  I haven't been giving my all.  I'm just not feeling it.  I start out with the greatest of intentions, but when push comes to shove, shove either half-asses it, or sits its ass down on the couch.  As always with food, I'm not doing bad, but I'm doing nearly as well as I could.  

I think my biggest issue is still trying to get into a routine with our new schedule; I know that is simply an excuse, but there it is: I feel discombobulated and all over the place now that weekends don't feel like weekends, and my quiet me-time weekdays are interrupted mid-span with Chebbar's days off.  (I am not saying that I'm unhappy that/when he's home: I'm simply stating that it messes with my head and the flow I have going because this is still so new.)  I think once I wrap my head around the idea of a "week" being Thursday to Monday (despite the fact that I don't work Saturday/Sunday) - which will include working out on traditional weekends - and the "weekend" being Tuesday/Wednesday, it will be easier to get into a routine with exercise again.

I miss it.

No, really.  I miss being active.  I miss walking.  I miss screwing around with the Wii Fit.  I miss dancing my ass off with Just Dance.  I miss taking out my frustrations with Tae-Bo.  I miss the burst of energy.  I miss feeling good about myself and what I had just done for my body.  I miss seeing the positive changes.

So, yeah.  I'd love to tell you that I'll get back on the horse tonight, but a) Chebbar's home, so it's the "weekend," b) he's sick, which means I'll want to baby him (hush! *wink*), and c) we have laundry to take care of (our dryer died yesterday mid-washing).

HOWEVER.

Tomorrow?  IT'S ON.

Chesticular breasticles (AKA I have no clue what to title this)

Did you know that the center gore of your bra should sit flat against your breastbone?  That if your bra fits correctly, it shouldn't be painful or uncomfortable?  O_O  Yeah, me neither.

From Penningtons

A while back, Lotta (aka Mom O Matic) posted about her trials in bra shopping/fitting.  This sparked a painful memory for me.

My supervisor at my old job had been urging me to go get properly fitted.  Not sure why: maybe I was sagging? (HA!  OMG, I forgot!  There was a really, really sketchy woman who worked there very briefly (we called her Cee Dub, short for Crack Whore) whose tits LITERALLY pointed in all sorts of crazy directions, but never in the same place at the same time.  It was hilarious distracting!)  I finally relented, opting to go to a privately-owned lingerie store in the two-horse town up the highway from my one-horse town (where my only options were Sears and La Senza).

I walked into this teeeeeny, tiiiiiny shop CRAMMED FULL of racks (seriously, it was so fully, you couldn't turn around without knocking something onto the floor).  I approached the counter in trepidation (first time another female would be touching my breasts professional fitting, yo) and quietly voiced my request.  The woman called to a sales associate and directed me to a fitting room.

Boob Lady crowded in behind me, asked what size I was wearing, said something in terms of that *sounding* about right, and left me to undress - she didn't measure or put her hands on me at all (and no, she didn't seem so attentive that she "saw" I was wearing the right size - hell, if I remember correctly based on the time of year, I think I was wearing a sweater or a hoodie).  When she returned with a handful of bras in the same size as the one I had just removed, she did the dreaded knock-and-walk: y'know, where you knock as you're opening the door?


Yeah.  Bitch done EXPOSED my bare naked breasticles to the ENTIRE store (and likely anyone walking by on the sidewalk).  "Whoops."  That's all she had to say for herself.  WHOOPS.  Not even an exclamation mark-worthy whoops!  Wanted. To. Die.

The first few I tried on fit so poorly that I finally found my voice and asked if she shouldn't be, uh, I don't know, measuring me.  "No: the best way to determine what size you are is to just try on stuff until you find one that fits."

Buh, wut?  If I'm wearing the completely wrong size, we could be here until next year!

As was suggested today on Twitter, I should have walked out at that point.  (Well, after getting dressed, OBVS.  I'd already given ONE free show that day.)  However, I didn't know what to expect and it honestly didn't occur to me that I wasn't getting the best service.

I ended up buying an $80 bra that hurt my back so much, I think I wore it four times.  Of course, I couldn't return it after that.  I still have the bastard somewhere (don't ask me why).  After polling Twitter about my lack of breastbone-touching center gores and the fact that my boobs seem to be making a run for it and
s l o w l y start to slip out of the cups (what IS that?!?  I haven't been able to figure out if the cup is too big/small, if the band is too loose/tight, or if the straps need shortening/lengthening - NONE of those fixes FIX IT.), it was recommend by eleventy-two people that I get my ass to a lingerie store for a professional fitting.

Looks like I'mma have to drive to a THREE-horse town.  *sigh*  Damned chest anyhow.

GTT: Around the world in 80 years

Missed Girl Talk Thursday yesterday, so we're going with Girl Talk Friday.  This week's topic was your dream travel destination(s).

I haven't been many places vacation-wise.  Sure, I've moved eleventy-seven times, but it doesn't count when you lived there (besides, we seemed to keep returning to the same. damned. places.).  I went camping a few times with my grandparents when I was younger, but the farthest I remember being from home was Yakima, WA.  We took our first honest-to-jeebus family vacation when I was 19 (camping to Kelowna).  I got on a plane for the first time at the age of 26 and flew to Vegas with my dad and Taylor (I've since been two more times - love it there).  I went on my first road trip at the age of 30 with Chebbar (and that was local-ish).

I've never been a big dreamer.  I've never been bitten by the travel bug.  I'm content with what I have where I am.  

That being said, if I could only take one trip for the rest of my life, I'd head to Glasgow.  I'd like to see all (most? heh) of Scotland, but that is where my great grandparents were from.

From here

Lovely, innit?  ;)

I hate the phone

I had intended to write a post talking about how lucky I am to have the people in my life I do, what a great birthday this was.  Then the phone rang.

At the beginning of the month, a friend found out her father-in-law has lung cancer; a week ago, they found out he also has a brain tumor.  Doctors have given him a year to live.

As well, Dawn, Greg, and Wyatt - my BFFs and my "nephew" - may be moving 1,400km away.  Greg was let go in a mass company-wide layoff a few weeks ago.  He was contacted by a company from Alberta interested in talking to him.  He's already flown there for an interview and back again, and they've offered him the job.  Dawn and Greg fly out the first weekend in May to take a look around and see if they like the town enough to take the offer.  I know it's not a done deal yet.  I know they'll visit.  I know we can go visit them.  But it still sucks.

SO much suckage in one phone call.

I feel bad for still thinking about what a good day it was up until the phone rang.

It's mah birthday & I'll buy if I want to

Chebbar gave me a gift certificate to amazon.ca.  Oh yeah, baby!  Sadly, amazon.ca does not have all the amazing stuff amazon.com has; sure, we're s l o w l y starting to get the home and garden stuff, but we certainly don't have the clothing, beauty supplies, groceries!!! that dot com carries (and no, dot com will not ship that stuff to Canada: music/movies/video games/books only - basically the stuff we can already get on dot ca).  I decided to tease myself a bit and see what caught my fancy on the I-can't-have-it-site...

"I Don't Care Bear" $19.99

I've already declared my love for Momiji dolls: I love this guy's name.

KitchenAid 5qt Stainless Steel Bowl $40.85

Apparently I need a spare.  This sounds like an excellent idea, particularly when Christmas baking starts.

Lessons From The Fat-O-Sphere $5.44

I've been intrigued by this book since first hearing about it; sadly, my lame-ass library doesn't carry it.

Go Go Cupcake Holder Twin-Pack $6.99

What a great way to make sure you don't lose all the delicious frosting inside a baggy!

SideSwipe for KitchenAid Mixers $27.95

This little baby scrapes the side of the bowl so you don't have to.  Plus?  Those little fins?  Allow said scraping without crushing your nuts.  Or, uh, chocolate chips.  Heh.

A Cross Stitcher's Oriental Odyssey $43.25

I have been coveting this book ever since chickiepants posted a picture of a beautiful piece she was working on (which renewed my desire to cross stitch!).

Stuck in the middle with me

From AARP

According to my driver's license birth certificate mom, today is my birthday.  No, I'm not 120 (although I feel it some days).  Quite frankly, I feel a little ripped off.

Yesterday was 420 Day.  (However, according to the lovely masmom,

*ahem*.)  Tomorrow is Earth Day.  What do I get today?  Administrative Professionals Day.  While fitting, it's still a let-down because it's NOT as cool as the days on the outside of the sandwich (plus? the guys at work forgot).

But I digress.

It is The Queen's birthday.  And?  My grandma's birthday!  (Heh, when my poor 17-year old mother was in labour, she had my father's entire family telling her to HURRY! UP! and push me out on Grandma's birthday.  I was born at 11:41pm.  While the doctor watched from the hallway as the nurse delivered me.  I'm never late, yo.)  I bought myself a birthday lunch.  I've had many birthday wishes from amazing people that I love and adore.  Chebbar has already gifted me with an Amazon gift certificate (the boy knows the way to my heart and made sure it was enough that I'd qualify for free shipping), with the promise of more goodies when I get home.  Plus, I'll be spending the evening with family eating a meal I don't have to cook OR clean.  All in all?  A pretty damned good day.

Now, if I could just get my stoopid sinuses to FOADIAF and take the sore throat they've caused with them, this day would be GRRRRREAT!  ;)

I love my mom

Mother's Day is in a few weeks: do you know what you're getting your mom?  I don't!  Eep!

Not Your Grandma's Cameo $23

I love kaseandannasmom's take on the traditional cameo, but I might be a little biased: I follow her on Twitter, enjoy her blog, and have the pleasure of interacting with her on facebook.  She's GREAT, and so is her jewellery!

Customizable Ceramic Photo Coasters $19.50

This is a really cool idea!  Think of alllll the pictures floating around of your kids, of you as a child, of your parents - what a great way to further capture those moments!

Vintage "I Love You Mom" Spoon $8

The description doesn't state whether this is meant to be used, but I'm leaning towards no...  I really like this keepsake, especially with the muslin ribbon.

Mother's Day Spring Flowers Card $3.25

And because every gift needs a lovely card to finish it off, a handmade card complete with Swarovski crystals! 

HYC: Week 16

Not much to report this week.  I had Grand! Plans! to start New! Habits! with Chebbar working evenings.  Unfortunately, after ignoring my cranky back for a week or so and a subsequent appointment with the chiropractor, things went down hill and I spent Tuesday through Thursday on the couch nursing the heating pad.  Even after a follow-up appointment Saturday (that should have done the trick), yesterday was the first day I've felt good enough to walk after work.  Of course, today my back is being bitchy again.  NOT HAPPY.

No socks!

Guys!  Guys!  Guys!  GUESS WHAT?!?  It's warm enough that I was able to wear one of my favourite pairs of flats without socks!

(I'm not loving the wash of my jeans, though: this picture makes it look nice, but they're REALLY! BLUE!)

I love flats, which is weird since I spent so many years in big, tall shoes.  That's what 5'2 will do to a girl.  Heh.

Mia "Randi" Casual Flat $23.98

I wasn't sure about these shoes from the side profile, but they're not too bad.  I like the colour, too.

Anise Bow Flat $24.99

Liking the colours AND the pattern on these ones!

Blowfish "Segment" Flats $39.95

I like the wavy button detailing on these.  They're also available in heathered black, green, or pink.

Now, a question.  99% of the time, I prefer to be barefoot.  However, 99% of the time, I'm freezing cold.  So, if it's not 30C outside, I wear socks.  This means I don't get to wear my flats often.  I had tried sock liners, but my feet are small, so I ended up with a bunch hanging out the back, or pulled so far forward over my toes that they showed on the top of my foot.  How do you wear your flats when it's not spring/summer?  Have you found liners you like?  Do you wear socks?  Do you suck it up and suffer barefoot?  I have cute shoes and I hate not wearing them six months of the year!

Doctor Asshat

I saw the gynecologist today that my doctor referred me to.  He?  Was a douche canoe.

Chebbar came with me, but stayed in the waiting room, which kind of surprised me.  When I was done and was telling him about this jerkwad, he apologized, explaining that he'd stayed out front because he wasn't sure if the doctor would want to do a pelvic exam (and assumed Doc would kick him out anyhow).  As he said, after hearing about this guy's "bedside manner" (*SNORT*), he doubts Doc would have let him in at all.

There was no exam.  I was shown into what looked like his private office, not an examination room.  I was nervous.  He was no-nonsense all business.  He asked me what my primary concern was.  Being nervous and not sure where to start, I guess I started rambling.  He cut me off, saying "No, your PRIMARY concern."  This happened twice more before I answered him correctly.

(Ovarian cancer, for the record.  Let's review:

Common Warning Symptoms

• Swelling or bloating of the abdomen - check
• Pelvic discomfort or heaviness - discomfort: check
• Back or abdominal pain - abdominal pain: check
• Fatigue - I'm always tired, so I'll leave this one for argument's sake
• Gas, nausea, indigestion - gas: check; nausea: check; indigestion: check
• Change in bowel habits - when I'm symptomatic: check
• Emptying your bladder frequently - I pee a lot, so I'll leave this one, too
• Menstrual irregularities - nope (thanks to the pill)
• Weight loss or weight gain - nope

Five out of nine.  Huh.  It also says that if you experience one or more symptom for three or more weeks, to talk to your doctor about testing.  The longest I've been symptomatic was two weeks, BUT this has been going on for SIX MONTHS.   Now, I know that the symptoms I experience are common with many ailments, but they're also common in ovarian cancer, and often overlooked, hence the "silent killer" moniker.)   

When I started talking symptoms, he focused on the first thing out of my mouth (gas pains) and, after a cursory (two minutes MAX) review of the information my doctor faxed over (test results, not family history, which was never discussed), declared that he thought this was bowel related and not gynecological in nature.  This was seriously maaaaaybe five minutes after sitting down, two of which were spent in silence while he looked over the fax.  I told him I understood that, but ever since I started menstruating, I've gotten gas pains (not, say, cramps).  I also told him that it seemed tied to my cycle because the symptoms crop up within days of my period.

He went on to say that he really didn't think ovarian cancer was an issue, but that if it was affecting (please insert heavy, sarcastic emphasis for him) me, he'd "humour" me and send me for the CA-125 blood work (he also requested CA-19-9 and CA-15-3, probably to humour me preemptively).  He then told me it would take awhile to get the results back and to come back in a month.

Dismissed!

In all honesty, I'm kind of glad he thinks it's bowel related: that means I can move on to a gastroenterologist who hopefully has a better bedside manner.

Oh, and just because my body's an asshole, I've had nothing more than the odd, passing twinge here and there in the week since my period ended.  Go figure.

Pink Shirt Day

It's Pink Shirt Day to bring awareness to bullying.  In case you don't own a lot of pink, I thought I'd give you some options for next year.

Pink Chevron Pointelle Summer Sweater $23

Kick it old school in this lightweight vintage sweater.

 Vintage Fuchsia Summer Love Blouse $20.05

Another retro top that would be perfect for the summer, too!

Robot T-Shirt $20

Who doesn't like robots?  Robots are awesome!

Applique Tee $27

This one's my personal fave - love the flower petals!

See?  Wasn't that easy?  Shopping, new clothes, AND supporting a great cause all rolled up into one handy, dandy little post.  :)

Did you wear pink today?

Today is Pink Shirt Day.  This movement began in 2007 when a Grade 9 boy was harassed because of the colour of his shirt.  The colour of his shirt, people. 

I was bullied when I was in Grade 10.  There was a boy (Chris) in Grade 11 who seemed to have a crush on me; the girl (Christine) who had a crush on him apparently didn't approve of this arrangement.  She was in my math class and had said something to me that day that was particularly bitchy.  I ran into a friend of mine as class let out and started complaining about Christine, ending with "I fucking HATE her!"

Heather was a girl who lived next door to my best friend; we didn't get along.  We didn't *dislike* each other, per se - it's not like we fought or anything - we just didn't associate with each other.  I didn't see this as a problem.

I guess maybe she did.

You see, that fateful day, two of her friends happened to be walking behind me when I spewed my frustration about Christine.  For some unknown reason, they assumed I was talking about Heather. 

The bullying didn't start right then and there: I don't know if they went to Heather first to get her "blessing" or what the deal was.  However, by the end of the day, I was followed home (on foot) by Thing One and Thing Two who spent the entire 15 minute walk talking "about" me - you know, that nasty, passive-aggressive talking about you like you're not RIGHT THERE bullshit - cursing me out and making threats.  I shook all the way home.

They came into my place of employment and did the same thing, standing a few feet away saying nasty shit until a real customer would approach.  They actually got ballsy enough to approach me asking for "help"; after I mumbled an answer without lifting my head, they started up again, talking about going to complain about me to the manager for being "rude."  (I'd only had the job a month: I was petrified I'd be fired.)  They continued to roam around the store, coming back repeatedly to poke at me some more, until the loss prevention dude noticed and asked me what was going on.  I poured it all out in a stress-ridden rush.  He was the first person I had told.  

He kicked them out.  He went on to tell me that they had no business harassing me at work, and that if it happened again, to call him and he'd kick them out again.  I was so very grateful to him.

It did escalate to the point of physical "violence" (albeit not that bad).  A third girl (Miranda), who wasn't even AROUND when I said what I did, took it upon herself to take it up a notch.  She was walking past my locker with her boyfriend, so I busied myself with my backpack inside.  She made some disparaging comment before body-checking me into my locker.  

(We ended up working together a few years later.  One day she asked me why I didn't like her.  After I recovered and stopped looking at her all slack-jawed, I reminded her of that incident.  She played dumb.  To this day, she denies ever having a part in all of that.)

Eventually I mentioned the bullying to my mom (I can't remember if it was the locker incident, or the work incident that did it).  Of course, she wanted to call the principal.  As seems customary, I was mortified at the thought of getting him involved - didn't she know that doing so would only make things worse for me?

I basically had to start a campaign of my own, telling everyone I knew (loudly, I might add) that I was not talking about Heather: I was talking about Christine; that I had no beef with Heather: Christine was the one I disliked.  I'm assuming it eventually got back to Heather, because the bullying stopped.  (It obviously got back to Christine, too, as she still dislikes me to this day, which, c'mon.  It was SEVENTEEN years ago.  Neither one of us ended up with Chris (thank the Baby Jeebus).  GET OVER IT ALREADY.)

Bullying is very real.  It is very scary, regardless of the format or degree to which it escalates.  It is all-encompassing, taking over every facet of your life.  If you were bullied, you already know this.  If you were lucky enough to escape that, can you imagine just for a second how awful it is to be afraid to step outside your house every day?  To go to school?  To open an email/text message/facebook?  It's EVERYWHERE and it pervades EVERYTHING.  

In light of recent events (and god, the additional links I could find regarding similar instances is heartbreaking), please take a stand.  If you see someone being bullied, speak up.  If you're aware of a bullying situation, SAY something.  If YOU'RE a bully, knock it off.  Seriously: put yourself in your victim's shoes and ask yourself how YOU would like it.  I'd bet good money you wouldn't.

I wore pink today.  Did you?

Old Navy breaks my heart

Old Navy, what is up?  Why is your plus size line only available online?  And/or why don't you ship to Canada?  This situation makes it difficult to love you.  And I want to love you, really, I do.  (Also, why do the pictures of the last four items on each page not show up?  Is it just wonk-ass Firefox as usual again?)  And how come none of the (sale) stuff I was looking at comes in my size (in the colour I like)?  Why you gotta be so difficult, Old Navy?  GEESH.

Tie-Should Surplice Dress $29.50 $24.99

I'm digging the pattern on this, but according to one of the reviews, the pink is rather neon.  Yeah, not so sure about that...

Pintuck Jersey Top $22.50 $15

Like the pintucking.  Like the fluttery sleeves.  Not sure about the GRAPE! colour, but it might be okay IRL.

Cinch-Tie Top $22.50 $19.99

I really like fooler tops: I like the little flash of colour (and I prefer white accents) without having to layer, mostly because my layers are usually never the right length/fit/whatever.

 Flutter-Sleeve V-Neck Top $22.50 $17.50

The colour on this is great, and I like the gathering at the neckline.

I'm not overly sold on the whole blouson-look going on with all of these tops, but if 90% of the big girl tops are sporting it, I guess it can't be all bad?  I'd have to reserve judgement until I was able to try one on.  Oh, but wait!  I CAN'T.  

Old Navy, you're such a heart breaker.   *sniffles*

HYC: Week 15

Last week was a complete write-off.  I lost steam over my five-day weekend and just kept going downhill from there.  Even though I only had a three-day work week, it felt like it took two weeks to finish because everything was in flux: I was off, then I was back to work; work was busy because I had been off Monday and Tuesday; Chebbar was interviewing, then had a job; he was working 3:30-12 on Thursday and Friday; I was trying to remember how to be alone again; we tried to cram too much into the weekend.  We did NOTH.ING. by way of exercise.  Not happy about that.  We did eat considerably better than we had the previous weekend, but still.  Oy.

When he called me last Thursday on his break to tell me what he was working and what it looks like his shift will be (1:30-10 Friday through Tuesday), the realization that we wouldn't have the same days off hit me hard.  I had an overwhelming urge to EAT - something, anything to numb the sadness that was overtaking me at an alarming pace.  However, because I couldn't put my finger on *what* I was craving, I didn't eat anything (and thank the Baby Jeebus I'm too lazy to hop in the car and head to the grocery store to search out what would have inevitably failed to fill that hole). 

Chebbar's still doing the 3:30-12 training shifts this week (Monday-Thursday), and will likely be working 1:30-10 as his regular shift starting this coming Sunday.  My intention yesterday was (yes, again: shut it) to start the Tae-Bo again - I hadn't decided if I wanted to walk first and then do Tae-Bo, or vice versa, but since we've gotten into a habit of eating later, I figured I could fit both in before dinner.   Unfortunately, my back had other plans for me and I ended up at the chiropractor instead (nothing major: just a recurring back thing that I had been ignoring for about a week until sitting in my chair for hours at work yesterday turned it into something I could no longer ignore... ).  However, I *did* walk when I got home from work, even though my heart wasn't in it since I was missing my walking partner.  My back feels much better today, but I was told to take it easy until my follow-up appointment next Monday, so I'll just keep on track with walking.

I haven't been sleeping well lately, and it's starting to take a toll.  I think I got about five hours sleep Sunday night (Sunday Night Syndrome) and last night (Chebbar not being home when I go to bed messes with my head, partially because of the not-fully-locked door, but also because of the OMG-what-if-he-has-an-accident factor - because, y'know, my being AWAKE would prevent an accident... *eye roll*).  I'm seriously considering drugging myself tonight in the hopes of getting six? seven? eight? hours of sleep.  Blarg.

Headachey? Seasonal allergies?

I can't count how many times I've asked people if they suffer from seasonal allergies on Twitter in the past month or so.  Tweets bemoaning XX-days-long headaches make me sympathetic to the plight of others because headaches suck sweaty, hairy goat balls, so I try to help.  But since I keep seeing these tweets (and can no longer remember who I've asked - wewps!), I figured I'd post on this here blog.

I've dealt with hay fever since I was 10 or 11: itchy nose/eyes/palate, watery eyes, runny nose, sneezing (all of which can lead to a sinus infection if I'm not careful - stoopid chronic post nasal drip).  It's all very annoying, but nothing so majorly bad that I can't live with it.  As well, antihistamines didn't ever really seem to get rid of all of my symptoms at once, so I mostly just sucked it up (literally, heh) and suffered.

Until last year.  I was getting wicked headaches that would be with me from the second I woke up (hell, sometimes they'd be bad enough that they'd wake me up in the middle of the night) until the moment I went to bed, lasting days on end.  Nothing I took relieved them (well, the 222's helped until I gave myself a rebound headache).  Acting on a hunch, I started taking Allegra-D.

(The "hunch" was born from an incident 10-ish years ago in which I had a migraine-bad headache for over a week.  After multiple prescriptions and a huge scare by a dumb-ass student doctor, it was determined I had a virus and was advised to take an antihistamine with a decongestant and an Advil: relief within an hour for the first time in DAYS.)

The headaches disappeared!  Well, sort of.  You see, I cannot take the Allegra-D before bed, because the very same lovely pseudoephedrine that makes the headaches go away WIRES me and keeps me awake all. night. long.  And really?  There's no point in getting rid of the headaches if you're just going to be a raging, sleep-deprived hose beast anyhow.  But of course because my body hates me, if I go the eight hours sleeping requires with no antihistamine/decongestant in me, I wake up with a rager.  Headache, not boner.  DUH.  (I take a prescription antihistamine at bed time.)

SO!  If you've had a headache for eleventeen days that doesn't seem to be going away, try an antihistamine with a decongestant (the decongestant is important, folks!).  Just DON'T grab your closest bottle of nasal decongestant spray: it's not meant for long-term use, and that shit will mess you up, yo.  Even if you've had seasonal allergies without headaches, try it anyhow: allergies can pop up at any point in a person's life, and can change at any point as well.  What do you have to lose?  An eleventeen-day old headache, that's what!


DISCLAIMER:  I'm not a doctor, obviously.  Please consult your doctor and/or pharmacist before adding a medication or supplement.

I don't do change well

So, Chebbar got a job.  Yay, right?  Right!

Well, mostly right.

Tonight is his first official night of training: he's there 3:30-12.  He was still sleeping when I left for work.  He was already gone when I got home.  I'll (hopefully) be sleeping when he gets home (NOT because I don't want to see him - god, no - but because I slept like shit last night and was still awake at 1:30 this morning; also, I have a history of not sleeping well period, never mind when he's not home).  We'll do this dance again tomorrow night, and again Monday through Thursday.  I did get to talk to him before he went to work, and again while he was on his break.  As well, I told him tonight that if he wanted, I could always zip over there during his breaks (we only live five minutes away).

The following week starting Sunday, he'll work 1:30-10; chances are that this will be his shift going forward (at least for the foreseeable future).  It looks like he'll likely get either Wednesday/Thursday or Thursday/Friday off. Yes, he'll be working evenings on the weekends, too.

This is where the tough starts.  A month before I started this here blog, Chebbar went back to work after an eight-month layoff.  The... growing pains were difficult: he was here every day when I came home from work for 200+ days.  At that time, we'd never lived together while he was working.  It was a big shift for me to get used to being on my own again in the evenings.  But eventually we got used to it and got into a pattern again.

This time is a little different.  His days off?  I'll be at work for the majority of the time.  My days off?  He'll be at work for the majority of the time.  Granted, 1:30-10 is preferable to 3:30-12 simply because I'll likely be able to see him for a little bit before I have to go to bed.  Big changes in when we spend our time together, never mind how we spend our time together.

I'm having a tough time not breaking down right now.  In all honesty, it's simply a matter of shutting down (as usual): I'm numb at the moment.  And really, it's unfair of me - I feel like a spoiled brat.  Even though we're only a tiny bit short of my wage in monthly expenses and have savings to tide us over, the second income is going to be huge for us.  I can't count how many variations of "Yay!  I'm not a bum anymore!" I've heard since he got the job on Monday - HE needed the job if only for the boost to his self-worth.  Right out of the gate, they'll be saving us $102/month in provincial healthcare expenses; after his probation is up, we'll likely save more by going with his company's extended health benefits than what we're paying privately.  There are a lot of pros to this job.

However, there's one large con: I'll miss him terribly.

This post brought to you by the letter P

Today, I got...

...a new pillow,

(under)pants,

and

pizza.

I also paid my pissy taxes via my PC.  Oh, and?  PEE EMM ESS.  You're welcome.

Handbag Heaven

You've heard of Handbag Heaven, right?  Right?!?  D:  Awesome website filled with awesome purses at awesome prices in every colour under the sun.  And they always seem to have a promo going on (like right now: enter promo code SPRING2010 for an additional 15% off!).

Anyhoodle, I got an email today announcing their new spring arrivals.  And since my birthday is in... *counts on fingers*... 15 SLEEPS! I figured I should check them out.  (For those of you playing along at home on Twitter, I already pre-emptively ordered this bag in this material from Janine King Designs for my birthday.)

Coraline Messenger Bag $75 $54.95 $44.95

I've been coveting this bag since I first saw it on the website around Christmas.  It also comes in a lighter brown.

Baris Hobo $79 $59.95

LOVE this colour!  It is also available in black.

Ebisu Felateia Tote $75 $56.95

Love this colour, too!  I also love the stud detailing.  Not sure I'd love the length of the strap, though...

HYC: Week 14

That roll I was on?  Yeaaaaah.  Damned holidays.  lol  It doesn't help that I took yesterday and today off work (doctor's appointment mid-day today), so I've had a five-day weekend.  We didn't eat horribly or anything, but exercise pretty much dried up - I don't think we've walked since last Wednesday.  :-s  I did clean the hell out of the house yesterday while waiting on news of Chebbar's interview: I cleaned the bathrooms, scrubbed the floors by hand, cleaned the base boards, and dusted.  I worked up a sweat yesterday and my thighs hurt today, so I'm counting that hour+ as a work out.

The doctor's appointment went better than I expected.  I was nervous to the point of feeling ill before we left because I figured I wasn't going to get anywhere with her again, or that she'd refuse to send me to a specialist.  It didn't help that last night Mom made some crack about how doctors are only going to refer you to a buddy so "it's not like you're going to get a different answer anyhow."  Wow.  Thanks, Mom.  That thought hadn't even ENTERED my mind until she went there.

Chebbar came with me for back-up/support/to ask the questions I don't seem to think about until I get home. I'm not sure if it was the earlier appointment (she certainly didn't seem as rushed as she does when I'm the last appointment of the day), or if having Chebbar there made a difference, but she seemed to be more attentive, concerned, and helpful.  We're starting with a referral to a gynecologist; if my ovaries don't appear to be the "root of all evil" (her words, not mine), we'll move onto a gastroenterologist.

I already had a call from the gynecologist's office: they wanted to book me for 11:30 this Friday.  Unfortunately, I had to reschedule - I've been off work for the past two days, so I don't want to go back tomorrow and tell them I need more time off smack-dab in the middle of the work day on Friday (and I commute, so we're talking at least an hour's travel time on top of the length of the appointment); plus, Aunt Flo's due to arrive any minute, so if the doctor wants to do a physical exam...  Yeah.  Luckily they had another opening for next Friday.

So, that's that for  now.

*sings poorly & off-key* We're in the moneeeeey!

Chebbar left this morning telling me he was gonna git himself a job.

Three hours later, he returned with said job.  (Of course, he didn't tell me this until AFTER he'd made me sweat and start my "I'm sorry, babe" spiel because I thought he HADN'T gotten said job.  Jerk.  lol)

It's call center work, but it's five minutes from home, SUPER easy, and he's done it before.  The wage isn't super! fantastically! awesome! but it's fair, and after the remortaging, we'll be LAUGHING as far as finances go (we'll be able to put money in savings! and go for dinner!).  Also, he'll get benefits after three months, so we'll likely be able to cancel the private benefits we've been paying $88/month for (and they haven't been fulfilling said benefits as promised - long story and separate blog post).  It's 40 hours a week and may involve evening/weekend shifts, but we're good with that.

We're both breathing a little easier.  And my heart both swelled and broke a little when he commented that now he can stop feeling like a "loser."  Oof.


ETA:  Not 10 minutes after I hit publish, Chebbar got a call from another company looking to do a telephone interview - go figure!  bwa ha haaaa

Are YOU a geek?

I can never decide if I'm a geek or a nerd.  Most of the time I think I'm just straight-up dork.  However, I do leans more toward dorkishly geeky nerd where ThinkGeek is concerned: I love their stuff!  I have a wishlist that's as long as my arm!  If their shipping to Canada were more reasonable, I'd probably be broke (but MAN would I have some cool stuff to show for it)!  Honestly, I'm just jealous of the cool grown-up toys they have on The Office and I want my own.  Heh.

Here are a few of my faves...

LOLMagnetz $19.99

I love LOLCats and LOLSpeak.  I covet these magnets SO much, I'm tempted to pay the $16.49 (PLUS BROKERAGE FEES, PEOPLE!  AND DUTY!  AND PROBABLY TAXES, TOO!) shipping to just to be able to slap 'em on my fridge.  *sigh*  (Oh, and FYI: the LOL Speak Poetry Magnets through I Can Haz Cheezburger's LOLMart are cheaper, but you get a third of the magnets.) 

Acrobots $7.99 each

I believe these pivoting, poseable peoples are the first item that drew my attention to Think Geek - I have no idea where I saw them now, but I still want a collection of them years later.

Bare Metal Bender Wind-Up $24.99

This reminds me of the lovely awlbiste.  Mostly I just want to make him say "bite my shiny, metal ass!" cuz I'm klassay like that.

Beanbag Cellphone Chair $9.99

Look at that cell phone, schmoozing in amongst the uptight office supplies!  He's all kicked back and relaxing all cool!  (I know!  I  know!  DORK.)

Pseudo-Support

I "supported" someone on Twitter today.  Via DM.  Because I'm a chicken shit.

Now, I can sit here and tell you - tell myself - that it's because I don't want to get involved in the "drama"; however, that's not entirely true.  I'm a chicken shit, plain and simple.  I only saw one dissenting opinion, but there are big enough names involved and I didn't want to "cross" them.  So off I slunk to my DMs, looking around all shifty-eye, before "supporting" someone that I admire.

That?  Is bullshit.

I've been on the other side of this equation on a message board I used to frequent.  In the moment, getting those private messages that say "I totally agree with you" are great.  Unfortunately, you very quickly realize that it would be far greater to have that person stand up and "totally agree" with you publicly.  I mean, hell: I think we've all seen someone somewhere discredit so-called support that comes in the form of messages that cannot be proven unless you post them (and on that particular message board, posting private messages was grounds for banning).

Don't get me wrong: as was said to me on Twitter, support is support.  It just... doesn't really lend you a lot of credibility to say "Yeah, well FIVE people sent me DMs saying they AGREE with me!" (unless, of course, you're the kind of jerkface who would ignore your friends' wishes regarding their privacy and out them).

I'm sitting here feeling about this big because I feel as if I compromised myself by not showing support openly: I'm entitled to my opinion just as much as the next guy.  And really, the whole thing is SO silly - all I said was that I wondered the same thing she did.  Since when is there anything wrong in admitting that you took something the same way?  That you understand where someone is coming from?

I'm a big girl.  I can own my words, my feelings, my opinions.  I won't be ashamed for going against the grain and supporting a dissenting or unpopular opinion.  I won't be fearful of the potential fall-out of speaking my mind: if someone chooses to dislike me simply because I disagreed with him or her, well, I choose to believe that it says more about that person than it does about me.*

That being said, my sincere apologies to Dashoff for not having the balls to say that I read the tweet in question the same way she did.


*That's NOT what happened in this instance, from what I saw: I'm speaking in more general terms going forward for myself.

Green!

I toodled over to Etsy with the intention of finding Easter-y stuff, but I got distracted by the pretty in the Handpicked Items.  (Besides, what good is Easter stuff?  It's not like it's gonna get to you by Sunday anyhow!)  I started opening the links that caught my eye, and before long I realized that everything I was drawn to tonight was green.  It's a pretty cool colour, y'know (*cough* colour of my eyes *cough*).

Asymmetrical Wood Necklace $29.50

Okay, I know it's not ALL green, but the two glass beads are!  Cool.

Pesto Verde Spiral Cufflinks $78

Thinking of Chebbar with these, obvs: he likes green, he likes pesto, and he owns dress shirts.  'Nuff said.

Pintuck Blouse - Avocado $80

Really digging the colour, and I love the simplicity of this top.

Hummingbird Suncatcher $20

I know stained glass isn't everyone's thing (hell, I certainly didn't appreciate it as much as I should have when I had the chance), but this reminds me of my grandfather - he really loved doing stained glass work.

*crickets*

That's what's going on in my head right now.  Wanna write, but don't know what - nothing comes to mind; I have no words (for once: shut it).

The exterminator came yesterday to take care of the ants.  She told Chebbar she'd need to leave the windows open to air the place out.  When he came home, she'd left the patio door open as well as the screen.  Setting herself up for repeat business, you think?  That reminds me: I don't know where the fly swatter is.  Guess we need to hit the dollar store.

What else did I want to go to the dollar store for?  Oh, yes!  Batteries for the now-dead flashlight.  OH!  And a magnet(s?) for Temerity Jane.  And the other $20 worth of stuff we'll inevitably pick up.  Right.

Oh!  And my "over due" library fines?  VIN. DI. CAY. SHUN.  Yeah, totally went through my history for the past two weeks and saw that I did, in fact, renew my library books on March 19th at 6:07pm.  Suck on THAT, bitchy library lady.

I used to have this... "stork bite angel's kiss" birthmark-type thing a little left of center on my forehead that only appeared when I cried really hard.  Now, I just pop the blood vessels around my eyes.  It's super cool, really.

I have five days off.  FIVE.  And all I can do is whine think about all the stuff I have to/need to/should be doing.

Chebbar and I both got new running shoes last weekend.  I'm STILL enthralled with mine.  Except for the accent colour.

The fingers that the lovely Miss Tuna crossed for Chebbar worked: his phone interview went well enough that he has an in-person interview on Monday.

Mini Eggs are ebbil.  EBBIL, I TELL YOU!

So are whore moans.

And headaches.

And new contact lenses the first day you put them in your eyeballs.  Or is that just me?

My back is sore.  I'm tired.  I'm cold.  My eyes are fuzzy.  And I'm sure you're tired of reading my whiny, random ramblings, so g'night.  ;)