Like water off a duck's back

Yesterday was a new experience for me.

You see, I failed at something.  And I didn't self-flagellate myself into the ground.

I was baking up a storm yesterday; one of the things I had planned to make was sugar cookies - sugar cookies I've made probably half a dozen times now.  I'm not sure what possessed me to take an extra brick of butter out of the freezer when I got up, but I did.  Foreshadowing, perhaps?

Because I'm all neurotic and stuff, I don't like taking my laptop into the kitchen because I'm clumsy scared I'll accidentally spill something on/in it - I don't even like to have it on the dining room table (which necessitates 937 steps back and forth across the kitchen) because it might, I don't know, suffer from steam or something.  Instead, we have a dry erase board that sits on top of the fridge expressly for writing out recipes.

I wrote out the recipe I've written out five times before.  The one with seven simple ingredients.  Except I wrote the first (and arguably most important) ingredient down wrong.

I wrote down 2 3/4 cups of sugar, not flour.  I didn't catch it.  Even when I started measuring and thought it was a lot of sugar.  Even when I wondered why the sugar was the first ingredient when, normally, it's the flour.  Even after I dumped my one cup of nicely thawed, room temperature butter diligently taken from the freezer the night before into the mixer and started it spinning.

It wasn't until I was getting ready to combine my dry ingredients and realized that a) there WAS no flour written down and b) sugar featured TWICE that I realized my mistake.

Now normally I would have verbally assaulted myself into a red-faced, embarrassed mess who was too upset and disgusted with herself to even continue.  For some reason, yesterday was different (maybe it was that foreshadowed butter than only required a couple of minutes on the warm stove top to be sufficiently soft enough to use).  Yes, I did shake my head and call myself a dummy a few times, but it stopped there: I dumped the waaaaaay sweetened butter in the garbage and started over. 

No harm, no foul.  (Or fowl if you're punny like me and want to play off the title... hehe)

Seriously, this is such a departure from how I usually treat myself that I've been thinking about it since yesterday - enough to merit a blog post.  I know it may seem ridiculously insignificant and pointless to a lot of people, but it means a lot to me.  Granted, I wasn't exactly *nice* to myself, what the "dummy" and all, but I was SO much more kind to myself than usual.  :)

Reading: love it or hate it?

This week's GTT topic is reading/books.  I love reading.  Love it!  Surfing The Intertubez is probably the only thing I do more often and might enjoy a teeny, tiny bit more, and let's face it: still reading!

My mom is an avid reader; I don't really remember her reading to me a lot, but I grew up watching her have a book close at hand all the time.  I have been voraciously devouring books since I learned how to read (even though it's one of my favourite pastimes*, I can't remember when I learned to read).  I took a book with me EVERYWHERE we went.  No, seriously - I remember riding in the backseat of the car (I was probably 5 or 6) going to pick Dad up from work and trying to read snatches as we drove under street lights.   

It used to drive Mom CRAZY: instead of dragging around a dirty blanket or a raggedy stuffed toy, (library) books were my security blanket (so, something fairly expensive to replace if lost, since they didn't belong to us).  Now that I think about it, it's little wonder I had trouble making friends when I was a kid - I was an antisocial little bugger!  I guess it could be argued that I sought solace in books because it was so hard for me to make friends...  (I went to nine schools in nine years: we moved a LOT.)  Books were an excellent escape for me.  And the best part?  I didn't have to do the imagining because some author was doing it for me!

As I've gotten older, reading has truly become a beloved pastime.  I spent so many years reading "scholarly journals" and text books (took me forEVah to finish my damned degree, remember) that I only read fluff now.  I *might* pick up a biography if it really interests me, and there WAS that spell a few years back where true crime books really intrigued me, but nine times out of ten I'm reading fiction - and some really crap fiction, to boot.  *cough*Twilight*cough*

I tend to lean towards mystery/crime novels (think Faye Kellerman) and chick lit (think Jennifer Crusie).  I'm not crazy about the Harlequin romance-type stuff; sci-fi novels don't really interest me (and I RE.FUSE. to spell it "syfy"); and if I pick up a book without realizing it's a historical romance, I'll throw it (gently!) across the room - not my thing.

I frequent the public library like it's going out of style because a) I love to read, b) I'm cheap, and c) I don't have the space to house all the books I'd end up buying.  I dog-ear the pages unless it's a book I've borrowed from a friend.  If your editor did a piss-poor job on proofing your book and it's full of grammatical errors (or you can't keep your characters straight), I likely won't read you again (honest to Ceiling Cat, this is why I stopped reading early Danielle Steel when in high school - that shit was BAD).  I only read one book at a time - NEVER more.  I have a two-chapter rule: if a book still hasn't grabbed my attention after chapter two, it's probably gonna continue to suck (IM(not so)HO).  Life's too short for bad books!

Do you read for pleasure?  What is your favourite topic/genre?  Who is your favourite author?  Do you have a favourite book?

*"Pastime" always looks SO WRONG to me!  

HYC: Week 21 - The Better Late Than Never Edition

Well, well, well.  This past week involved my monthly weigh-in/measuring and BOY what a surprise...

I'm down four pounds and three inches.  *boggles*  Now, don't go shaking your head at me: I know that there is a very high likelihood that the weight loss is a result of being sick all last week.  It was still a nice number to see!  So, I'll enjoy it for now, and not be upset if the number rises (as long as it's only slightly!) next month.  :)

Because I was sick last week and spent six days literally doing nothing more than walking from the bed to the couch to the washroom, I obviously didn't get much exercise in.  This week has been spent trying to get my "sea legs" back under me since I'm back at work (and dealing with some personal stuff at home).  The infection appears to be gone (TMI WARNING: what I *can* bring up is clear and THICK), but the cough - if anything - has gotten worse: I cough so hard (big, barky, almost wheezy coughs) my whole body spasms; my back aches, my head pounds, and as of yesterday I get searing pain in my nose! when I cough; my face turns such a bright shade of red I'm scared I'm going to cause myself damage or something.  Cough syrup/lozenges aren't touching it.  I'm thinking there's another doctor visit in my very near future which is BEYOND annoying.  I just want to be healthy again, dammit!  I don't know why I can't kick this.  :(

On a related note, the pollen is out. of. control.  I came in on Tuesday to see little clouds of this alllll over the office:

It's floating inside in lovely little puffy white clouds of DOOM every time someone opens the door.  I swept it all out down here on Tuesday twice in an hour before giving up.  I highly doubt this is helping the cough (I still cough just as bad at home, but not anywhere near as often/for as long).

ARGH!  That is all.

I'm either getting better, or worse: jury's still out

Physically, I feel worse today than I did yesterday (still have heaviness in my chest, but now it only feels like a large dog is sitting on me instead of an elephant - I felt MUCH better yesterday.  So much better, in fact, that I decided I'd attempt to make dinner.  After a whopping ten minutes, I had such a coughing fit I had to go lay on the couch.  FAIL).  Attitudinally?  BITCHFACE

Eve.Ry.Thing. is annoying the living hell out of me, as in, seriously making that frowny, what-are-you-stupid? face any time Chebbar asks me something.

So far today I have:

• Called the doctor's office to find out why I still haven't heard anything about my gastro referral (3.5 days later) considering I heard back within the hour about the gyn referral,
• Called the strata management company to find out why they're STILL taking over $7 more per month out of our account for strata fees after assuring us that it was taken care of (that might not seem like much, but when you've agreed to a proposed budget at an AGM and factor in that it's $7/month x 12 months x 66 units and you sort of a potential recipe for embezzlement of funds), and
• Sent a Sternly Worded Email to The Shopping Channel for spamming my god damned cell phone AFTER sending me not one, but TWO emails informing me about their Very! Important! Channel Change!  *gnashes teeth*

The day is still young....  Who's next?

I have three days left on my holiday.  Today is our anniversary: we were supposed to go out for dinner, but considering I spend all my time either cultivating my loogie hocking skills or horking up a hoo, that's out.  We were supposed to go to Ikea today: ha ha bloody ha.  We are supposed to go mini-golfing with Greg, Dawn, & Wyatt tomorrow, but after my stellar dinner performance lasts night, I highly doubt that's gonna happen.  Oh, and have I mentioned that this is Greg's last weekend here?  He'll be gone next weekend on his way for The Big Move.  We're supposed to do Costco/grocery shopping/visit Nana/go to the library this weekend.  I want a do-over.

Signed,

Princess Pissypants

Old man stink

Me: I smell like an old man!
Him: Wha-a-a-t?
Me: I smell like dirty old man BO.
Him: No, you don't.
Me: Yes I do!  Here!  SMELL ME!
Him (shaking head): No, you don't.  Your nose is just broken right now.
Me: Have you SMELLED dirty old man before?!?
Him: No.
Me (smugly): I rest my case.
Him (more smugly): No, that just means you can't be right because I don't know what you're talking about, which makes ME right.

End scene.

Holy frack

*WARNING: WHINING AHEAD*

Dudes, I'm sicker than I've been in YEARS.  This bronchitis is kicking my ass, mopping up the floor with me, then kicking my ass again.  My throat hurts; I feel like I've got perpetual heart burn or acid reflux or something (the wise @dashoff mentioned last night that the coughing churns up the stomach acid); my chest/back/stomach ache from the coughing; my head feels like it's going to EXPLODE from the pressure when I have a coughing fit; it feels like I have an elephant sitting on my chest, and cement in my lungs; I can't take deep breaths because it hurts (and makes me cough); I feel like I've been hit by a truck.  I was steaming my head this morning and started coughing so hard I threw up.  GOOD TIMES.  I'm petrified that the antibiotics are going to give me the, uh, runs and that I'll LOSE said antibiotics in an assplosion.  (Don't laugh: I've lost many of my time-release antihistamines this way.)  I have zero - I mean ze.ro. - energy.  I've spent my vacation thus far either in doctors offices or with my ass fused to the couch.   Everything is covered in a fine, sticky film of Vick's Vapo-Rub (skin, clothes, bedding... EW).

To my recollection, I haven't had bronchitis as a teen/adult, so I'm completely out of my league.  I've been:

• Steaming my head
• Taking hot baths with Epsom salts
• (Trying to) rest
• Drinking plenty of fluids
• Using a humidifier
• Lubing myself up with Vick's
• Getting, uh, "out" anything I can cough up
• Using my Neti pot twice a day (mostly to prevent a sinus infection, because that's usually what I get)
• Using my Flonase twice a day
• Taking my antibiotics as prescribed (but only since I got them yesterday, so I'm only two doses in)

Is there anything else I'm missing?  Anything I should or shouldn't be doing?  I'm particularly perplexed by the whole cough syrup debate - I'm seeing information that says I should try to suppress the cough to give my airways a chance to recover, and information that says I need to cough to get the crap out of my chest (oh, and never mind the research that questions whether cough syrup even WORKS).  GAH!

I want a do-over.  *pouts*

HYC: Week 20

Blah, blah, blah I'm sick again blah.  Bronchitis this time, and it's KICKING my ASS.  It started Wednesday with super-drainy working overtime sinuses; by Friday I was a mess.  Well, go figure: I started holidays on Saturday.  This is my body's MO - it's like it figures it doesn't have to fight anymore and just gives up.  At least I'm sick while I can relax on the couch?  Hell, at this rate I would have rather skipped the holidays and NOT been sick.  Ugh.

We did quite well last week with walking et al until this crud settled in my chest and sapped my energy - we got in four days (so only one shy of my goal).  I also realized that Thursdays seem to be the day that I just lose steam and don't want to do ANYTHING by the time I get home from work, so next week I'm going to try to account for that and take Thursday as one of my off days (the second being Saturday OR Sunday depending on our plans/errands/activities).  I'm kind of excited to see how this pre-emptive strike might work in my favour.

As I mentioned yesterday, I saw Dr. Asshat for the results of my blood work.  The CA-125 was borderline (on the high end of normal), so he wants to retest in six months.  I saw my doctor this morning: she seems to think that his course of action is fine, so I will do my best to not borrow trouble and will try not to worry in the mean time.  Dr. J also wrote up the referral to a gastroenterologist as our "next step."  

If you missed yesterday's post, please take from it this message - the message of Mary Jo and her husband, Matt - if you are experiencing something health-wise that doesn't feel *right*, see a doctor; if that doctor isn't taking you seriously, see another one.  As was pointed out to me both here and on Twitter, no one else is going to advocate for your health on your behalf: speak up, and keep speaking up until you get an answer.  No one knows your body better than you do, so listen to it when it's trying to tell you something.  *steps off soap box*

Wake up call

I woke up this morning dreading my 3:30pm appointment with Dr. Asshat.  When I logged onto facebook, I remembered why this appointment was so important.  I saw that a friend had joined a memorial group for Mary Jo Roberts and my stomach hit the floor - I sat here shaking my head, saying "No, no, no, no, no" while I impatiently waited for Twitter to open.  There it was confirmed: Mary Jo passed away Saturday from a relapse of heart failure after a stroke she suffered two weeks ago.

Mary Jo had been suffering from stomach issues, lung pain, and nausea, among others.  Two days before her stroke, she posted on her blog that she didn't feel like anyone was taking her concerns seriously: she had been seeing her doctor for months about these ongoing issues, but didn't feel heard.  And really, if anyone should have been taken seriously, it was Mary Jo - go read her series of posts about her history: she knew her body and that something wasn't right, even if no one else really did.

Mary Jo and I had a few chats about our health concerns because we were experiencing somewhat similar things (re: gastrointestinal issues) around the same time.  She was so helpful in discussing symptoms and suggesting areas to look into and tests to request.

As I lay in the tub last night playing Words With Friends, I wondered where Mary Jo was - what she was up to and why I hadn't seen her around Twitter in awhile.  This morning, well...

Mary Jo's husband, Matt, wrote on her blog yesterday "I urge everyone to see your doctor if you suspect ANYTHING is wrong. If you don’t think your doctor is taking you seriously, GET A SECOND OPINION!"  That's the point where I broke down and sobbed.  Chebbar and I had a discussion recently about "what if" the test results don't reveal anything - will I press on, or accept that everything's okay and let it be?  At the time, I got defensive and upset with him: how could he expect me to just let it go?  Something is wrong with me - I know my body, and I know something isn't right.  However, as the weeks passed and the symptoms were manageable, I started to doubt myself.

After this?  No.  I'm not going to sit idly by.  I'm going to demand answers.  And if the doctor I'm seeing isn't willing to accommodate me or seems uninterested in my concerns, I'll demand to see another doctor.  For me.  And I know it sounds corny, but for Mary Jo - she was one of the many people on Twitter who encouraged me (hell, demanded of me) that I get a second opinion, and when Dr. Asshat turned out to be Dr. Asshat, to find a new doctor.

Mary Jo was such a kind, empathetic woman.  She was funny, intelligent, and compassionate.  She will be dearly missed.



(As an aside, the CA-19-9 and CA-15-3 results were well within the normal range; the CA-125 was at 35, which apparently is borderline - "high end of normal."  He wants to retest in six months.  I had already booked an appointment with my family doctor for tomorrow to discus the next step (gastroenterologist), so I'll discuss the blood work results with her, too.) 

Karma's a bitch, ain't she?

I got a text from Nick last night talking about karma being a bitch, but I have a feeling he was looking at it from the wrong perspective.

You see, in his earlier days of *ahem* youthful indiscretion, he was driving when two of his buddies leaned out the passenger-side windows and lobbed water balloons at a cycling club.  Between the speed of the car, the speed of the throws, and the speed of the bikers, apparently there was considerable pain involved in being hit by said water balloons.  One of the bikers got Nick's license plate and called the police.  Long story short, Nick et al did some community service for their "prank."  Suffice to say that none of these adolescents were happy with the outcome (and I'm not going to editorialize on this further because, well, HEAD GO BOOM).

Fast forward almost ten years, and we have karmic retribution.  After a series of... events, Nick has reason to be using a scooter for transportation purposes.  Last night on his way home, he had water balloons lobbed at him from a passing car.  He took down the license plate number and called the cops.

Now, I know electronic communication leaves much open to interpretation; my interpretation of his use of the word "karma" was not that he got his dose, but that HE got "karmic retribution" by calling the police on these kids.  Sadly, my first thought upon reading it was "karma is right, dude: if the officer runs YOUR name and sees what occurred in your past, those kids are likely going to get off scot-free."  Guess now he knows how it feels...

Happy birthday to my resident geek!

Nerd?  Dork?  Whatever.

It's Chebbar's birthday today!  I already got him a ton of cool stuff from his wishlist, but if I had an endless supply of moola, here are some more things I think he'd like from the site I adore, but sadly can't afford (the shipping), Think Geek...

Black Stealth 3-Channel R/C Helicopter $22.99-$39.99

Chebbar's been intrigued by these little things since his buddy got one for Christmas a few years ago.  I think that interest was piqued again when his nephew got one this past Christmas.  Oh, and never mind the fact that they fall apart before the battery dies for the first time: you can get a two-pack for $39.99!

Desktop Carnivorous Plant Set $24.99

At one point, Chebbar scared me a little with his intricate grand plans of fly destruction should ever get a Venus Fly Trap.  At least this way, he'd get a whole PLETHORA of meat eating plants.  OM NOM NOM

Cthulhu Plus $9.99

He really wants the Cthulhu ski mask, but alas, I cannot crochet.  Not sure this is an adequate substitute...

Warcraft Banners $39.99

For my little WoW nerd, a banner for his (future) Man Cave.  His biggest issue will likely be deciding between Alliance and Horde.  (Can I just cut in here for a moment and tell you how TRAUMATIZING it is that I'm retaining WoW stuff?  Repetition really IS a great way to learn!  D: )

R/C Zombie $24.99

He likes zombies.  All boys like R/C stuff.  What better combination than a mini Zombie you use to scare your friends?

Happy happy birthday baby

Thirty-two years ago today, the love of my life was born.  He was destined to become one of the most important people in my world, someone that I couldn't imagine living without.  I just didn't know it yet (he probably didn't, either).  

Happy birthday, babe: I love you more and more everyday.  Even when you sit around in your underwear.  ;)

Back in the saddle again (HYC: Week 19)

Yesterday was the grand opening of Operation Fresh Start.  Operation Fresh Start is a renewed effort to treat myself well.  You see, after last week's realizations, I had two more wake-up calls, if you will.  The first came in the form of a wedding invitation.  Now, I know it's a little sad, but my first thought was "OMG!  I don't want to go to a wedding looking like THIS!"  And I know it's cliché, but my goal is to do my best from now until mid-October.  Chebbar and I haven't been to a formal event at all; I would like to be able to hold my head up high and feel good about myself.  (Also, it's HIS friend that is getting married, so it does involve some small measure of wanting Chebbar to be proud to be seen with me as well.  Vain, I know, but if it gets me off my ass... )

The second wake-up call occurred yesterday.  We had a job closing and Larry couldn't keep up with the faxes/emails, so he asked me to start printing them out for him, telling me I could use Wade's computer.  This was fine for about ten minutes until I realized that Wade doesn't get the faxes to his email like Larry and I do - I was missing out on TONS of prices.  This meant coming back down to my desk, and going up and down the (15) stairs with quotes.  After ONE run up and down the stairs, my heart was pounding so hard, it was scaring me.  Obviously I need to work on my cardio.

We sort of started Saturday with a walk around the block (2km).  Sunday we did nothing because we were running errands and doing Mother's Day duties pretty much all day (however, I had done some googling and shopping burns calories, y'all!  *happy dance*  hehe).  

Yesterday, however, it started in earnest:  

• I got a decent night's sleep; 
• I ate fairly well (bypassed the Diet Coke and second granola bar (it was one of those Nature Valley 2-pack jobbies), but did succumb to my sweet tooth and ate a few Cows - but! that was instead of the ice cream I was craving); 
• We did our 2k walk;
• I did a free-weight routine while Chebbar made dinner;
• I used a face mask before my shower;
• I moisturized after my shower;
• I took a picture for Daily Booth (granted, it was *right* before bed, but I still remembered and DID IT!); 
• and I flossed/brushed my teeth.

I know the majority of that stuff sounds inconsequential, but I find it far too easy to slip out of  taking care of myself in ALL aspects, even though I know from past experience that doing little things like taking care of my skin and my teeth makes me want to take care of the rest of me - my body, health, fitness - just like exercising regularly makes me crave healthy food and vice versa.  It was a good way to begin Operation Fresh Start, and I guess a good way to end last week.  ;)

(Even though I started (*cough*again*cough*) yesterday, I'm sticking with my weigh-in day and will weigh and measure at the end of next week.)

Oh, more pencils! Oh, more books! Hopefully no teacher's dirty looks!

Sooooo guess who had another (read: numerous) Very Serious Conversation this weekend?

After a LOT of (painful for him) soul-searching, Chebbar (and I, I guess?  I don't want to make it sound like I threw my weight around in his decision-making, but I don't want it to sound like I wasn't given a say in the matter, either) has decided to go back to school.

Now, I'm sure a few of you have been paying attention enough to say, "But Chibi: he was already planning on going back to school!"  Key word: WAS.  He WAS working on the upgrading necessary to get into the business program at the university.  Then his EI ran out and we were scrambling to make ends meet, so his focus was devoted to finding a job.  Then he found a job - a job that wasn't so bad and had great benefits and had room for advancement.  Oh, and we remortgaged in there and made our lives a whole HELL of a lot easier.  And we settled in to get used to a new way of life.

(For the record, I was concerned about the lack of work on the upgrading and DID ask him about it: he had something of a "meh" attitude about it, so I left it alone.  We're more than fine financially, and ultimately all I want for him is something that he doesn't hate doing - if that meant no school and staying put where he was, so be it.)

Unfortunately, the status quo didn't remain okay for long for him.  It didn't help that his old job (where he was making two and a half times what he's currently making) called asking not for him to come back to work, but to come in for retraining so they could work him here and there as they needed (not as good as it sounds, trust me).

He had... something of an existential crisis that involved a lot of the soul-searching mentioned above.  We discussed his current job and the actual likelihood of advancement; we discussed the possibility of him being called back to his old job; we discussed school and how that would play out.

It was a tough, scary decision for him, but he's decided to devote the next few months to the upgrading he needs to do in order to write the provincial exams so he'll have the grades necessary to apply to the business program.  The goal is to have the upgrading done by October/November, write the exams in December, and take the two courses that don't have grade 12 prerequisites in January as a general studies student.  Once he has those final grades, he can apply to the actual program.

Because of the remortgaging et al, we are able to live comfortably on my income while he finishes the upgrading.  We have a large enough chunk of money in the bank from said remortgaging that we no longer have to worry about student loans.  Once the upgrading is done and he has a better grasp of what his schedule will look like (it's very easy for me to tell him how it was for ME when I went 100 years ago: it's another thing entirely to be able to *see* it for yourself), he'll get a part-time job.

Before anyone gets up in arms at the fact that he's not going to be working for the next few months, a) he did check to see if they'd let him go down to part-time (no), b) we're fine financially, and c) we've seen how easy it is for him to... fritter away his time instead of working on the upgrading.  Starting this morning, the guy was up at 6am and out the door to go for a 4km walk so he'd be home in time to walk be down to the car before I left for work.  His intention - and the way it's played out so far today - was/is to start "school" at 8am, work for two hours, and take a break, then repeat the process two more times.  According to him, this gives him six hours to work on school work, and still have a couple of hours to do laundry/the floors/make dinner before I get home from work (and before anyone thinks I'm involved in slave labour, those are HIS suggestions and HIS choices!  lol).  We'll still be able to walk when I get home from work, and we'll have the evenings to spend together.

He's still a little... apprehensive about taking the plunge, but that's understandable to me: it has to be scary to stop what you've been doing since you were 15 (working) to focus on exactly what you avoided back then (school work).  He hasn't been a student in 14 years (and probably more like 15 or 16 if we're being *really* honest), so he's understandably worried about the unknown difficulty of university-level course work.

That being said, this really feels like the right decision.  I'm sure I've said that before, but seriously: no stress or anxiety over this at. all. - I feel 100% at peace with this decision.  I think it's going to be the best for him - for us - long-term.  And without getting too much into the (personal) nitty gritty of his soul-searching, I think this decision will ultimately go a long way in proving something to himself, which is probably the best side effect.

So!  Does anyone have any tips for adult students?  :)

Maddeningly affordable*

6pm.com is having a sale on Steve Madden stuff!  Up to 65% off!  But only until Sunday!  This one is @psychmamma's fault (via @momswhosave)...

Plaidtrim Flare Coat $138 $48

I know we're going into summer, but that makes this the best time to get great deals on winter gear!  

Astro $89.95 $33.60

These seem to have a slightly retro feel to me, but I think they're great.  Love the stacked heel, too: less of a chance of falling OFF them.

Alisah $89.98 $44.98

I probably would never have anywhere to wear these, but that doesn't make me want to have them in my closet where I could gaze at them lovingly, pet them gently, even try them on simply to admire them from time to time...

Crazzy $79.95 $28.80

Now, these?  These I'd wear the HELL out of.  (Until I fell off of them, of course.)

Pyramid Hobo $98.95 $49.45

I think I'm only drawn to the colour of this bag, but still.  Pretty!

*See what I did there?  Hyuk hyuk hyuk!

Bittersweet

It's hard to be excited for someone when you're sorely disappointed.  It's hard to be disappointed when you're so excited for someone.  I'm complex, y'all.

I had called Dawn on Wednesday to check in (she had big stuff going on at work last weekend) and got the answering machine.  I wondered for a moment if they were on their scouting trip, but dismissed it because I *thought* they were going this weekend.

Wrong.

She called me last night saying that they were just picking Wyatt up from his grandparents' when I had called.  In a nutshell, they went, they saw, they fell in love.

She was sort of... dancing around the heart of the matter all awkwardly, so I cut to the chase - as I'm wont to do - ripped that bandage clean off, and asked when they're moving.

She hesitated half a beat before replying "July 31st."

They found two houses they like (one of which they love) that won't cost them more than what they're paying now for their townhouse.  They like the neighbourhood.  They like the look of the school Wyatt will be attending.  They love the atmosphere of the town itself.  Greg will be getting an amazing opportunity to advance his career.  Dawn will be getting a significant increase in pay.  They'll be debt-free.  They'll have the chance to get ahead.  They'll be able to take vacations, travel, enroll Wyatt in as many sports and activities as his little heart desires.  This is going to be so good for them.

But I'm going to miss them all like crazy.

At least now we have somewhere to *go* when we take vacations, right?

Hydrangeas are lovely

I've already talked about my love of cherry blossoms, but I'm not a one flower kind of gal.  I love hydrangeas, too.  I'm partial to the blue and purple blooms, myself.

"Annabelle II" 8x10 $25

I really like the contrast of the white flowers against the black background, and look at the detail captured!  

Handmade Cream Leather Hydrangea Bag $300

This is rather abstract for a purse, but I love how the purse mimics the shape of a hydrangea bloom.

Notebook: Pink Hydrangea Design $8.50

Who doesn't love a fresh, new, blank notebook?  ALIENS, I SAY!  I love this.  Unfortunately, I have a habit of buying beautiful journals and, uh, not writing in them...

Purple Violet Hydrangea Flower Cluster Headband $16

This is amazing.  I saw a number of headbands, but these flowers look like they won't fall apart in one wear.  The next question is whether I'd be confident enough to rock such a serious accessory!

Pink Teapot with Faux Flower Petals $25

Love the whimsy of this teapot!  However, it's definitely a display piece, as the petals are not waterproof.

Hydrangea Flower Cluster Necklace $155

Absolutely gorgeous!  The petals look as delicate as real ones.  Love it!

GTT: Prom (aka Grad)

I'm not sure if it's a Canadian thing, a BC thing, or a [enter hometown here] thing, but we had "proms" all the time: Halloween, Christmas, spring, and even half a dozen lunch hour proms that were open to all the students (grades 8 through 12).  Our big affair was referred to as grad - commencement, dry grad, (*cough*wet grad*cough*), and the banquet & dance.  

Because of the way things were done when I was growing up, grad was on me to cover financially.  Ergo, the Big! Fancy! Dress! wasn't an option.  I ended up finding a gorgeous dress in the pages of Seventeen (and no, it wasn't short and trashy like the ones featured if you click that link) that was actually reasonably priced, but I knew that the exchange, cost of shipping it to Canada, and any alterations would put it completely out of my reach.  

That's when Mom had an excellent idea: see if Auntie Em would be able to make it for me.  I ended up with a custom-made, tailored dress that I knew was highly unlikely to be duplicated.

I had screwed up the courage to ask my crush Josh to go with me.  I was over the MOON when he said yes!  I was heartbroken when he changed his mind a WEEK before (to go with someone I de.sPIsed.).  Faced with the prospect of going solo (grade 12 wasn't kind to me: I was estranged from my best friend, and therefore the majority of our (fairly sizable) group), I asked Chris to go as my pity date (as friends).

We went with another guy we graduated with; his date was someone I'd met through work: he was smitten and she just wanted to party (as an aside, the wild child DID wear a short, trashy dress like the ones in the link above...  hehe).  The banquet & dance were... a bit of a let-down.  The other two wanted to get out of there, so Chris and I had no choice (it was held at a country club in a town 45 minutes away, and we had carpooled) but to leave.  No dancing for me at my banquet & dance.  LAAAAAME.

We were home and back at our respective houses by 8pm.  DOUBLE LAAAAAME.  The plan was to get changed and meet at dry grad at 10pm.  Yeah, two hours to kill.  At home.  BY MYSELF.  

Dry grad was... boring.  I'm not sure how long I was there before leaving.  So the day of *grad* was far more anti-climactic than I had ever anticipated.  Certainly not Best! Night! Of Your Life! worthy.

Wet grad on the other hand was... innnnnterrrrrestinggggg.  I somehow ended up going with our class's notorious pathological liar (*light bulb moment* maybe THAT'S how the fucking story was spread!).  It was at some guy I didn't know very well's house way out in the boonies because a) it was way out in the boonies and b) his parents were out of town.  I don't remember what I was drinking, but I know I drank it fast because the aforementioned estranged best friend and company were making me feel uncomfortable, but I was damned if I was going to be run off what was MY grad party, too.

As the night wore on, people started leaving here and there.  Others started passing out wherever they landed.  I ended up in a bed FULLY CLOTHED with the other dude Chris and I carpooled with, who slept ON TOP OF THE COVERS.  There was another guy that was a year younger than us (but a good friend of the host) who passed out in an armchair in the corner.  NOTHING. HAPPENED.  (Sorry 'bout all the formatting, but I can't emphasize it enough.)  In the morning, I woke them up, herded them out to my car, and drove 'em home.  I stopped for what became my hangover breakfast of choice (orange juice and plain potato chips - don't ask: I have no clue), and went home to sleep some more.

I thought nothing of it until a few weeks later when I ran into an acquaintance in the mall and she apologized for what "happened" to me.

Buh, wut?  WTF was she talking about?  Nothing had "happened" to me (that I could recall, anyhow)!  She wasn't even THERE that night!

Apparently, there was a rumour going around that I had a THREE-WAY with the dudes in that bedroom.  Me!  Prudy McPruderson from Uptightnunville!  The girl who hadn't done more than KISS a boy at that point!  (The girl who didn't lose her virginity until four months AFTER grad (and no, not with either of those dudes).) I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry.  

I tried to show as much disdain as possible as I snottily informed her that that was NOT true.  Unfortunately, the damage was done, as were the majority of my so-called high school friendships.  It absolutely devastated me that these people who should have KNOWN me were so quick to believe such a salacious story.  To this day, I have no idea who started it (never mind WHY), and am only in touch with a handful (as in less than five) people from high school.

Can I have a do-over?  Hell, I still have that pretty dress hanging in the closet! 

Do some laundry

Our dryer died unexpectedly last week.  Chebbar went back to switch a load over and found a dryer full of wet clothes: he thought he'd turned it on, but the dial just spun.  He pulled it apart (am I the only one that silently screams "OMG! Why would you DO that?!? You're not MacGruber!"?  I swear to the Baby Jeebus that I don't doubt his ability, but he'll tell you himself that he's not mechanically inclined, so where does the inclination to take something apart even COME FROM?  I don't for fear I'll screw it up even MORE!) and everything looked fine, so...  He called me.

"Hiiiii honey..."  (Note to self: it only means trouble when Chebbar starts a conversation this way.  See also: The Great Glasspocalypse of Oh-Ten.)

He called the appliance repair place, but it seems the shysters lovely people who sold me the condo replaced allll the appliances with old/refurbed/illegally resold models - the identifying plates have been removed from everything, so we have no model/serial numbers.  Ergo, the parts department had no clue what we'd need *if* the dryer could be fixed. 

Because everything is old/used, we figured we might as well bite the bullet and buy a new laundry pair while we have the funds (however, we didn't go over-the-top because we know we won't be here forever: we'll save the sexy, colourful washer and dryer for a house).  So!  Look: SHINY!

ANYhow.  Chebbar does laundry on his days off.  He started doing this when he first moved in and was laid off as his way of helping out, and it just continued.  This isn't to say that I don't/won't do the laundry, just that he's taken this on as his "job."  I sure as hell am not complaining!

Oh.  Except I am.  Sort of.

You see, Chebbar has this JACKED UP different way of sorting laundry - he sorts according to type/necessity: underwear/socks/pajamas, pants/shirts, towels, and whites (only because I lost my shit when he wanted to lump them in with everything else).  This?  Makes my teeny, tiny pea brain ASPLODE.  But, here: let me show you why...

Me: But what about the colours!  

Him: We wash in cold.  

Me: You know this is why my pink underwear all have a bluish tinge, right?  

Him: Why do you care?  No one sees them but me.  RIGHT?  

Me: But!  What if I had a pair of pink pants and you washed them with your jeans and I ended up with blue-tinged pink pants?  

Him: *snort*  You'd never own pink pants.  

Me: *SIIIIIGH*  Fine!  What if I had a pair of khakis and you washed them with your black pants and they were STAINED?  

Him: All my black pants are too old to run.

Me: GAAAAAAAAAH!  OKAY, FINE!  WE BOTH HAVE NEW PANTS: ME, KHAKIS, AND YOU, BLACK PANTS!!1!one!

Him: *smirking*  Well, first of all, I'd probably be the one with the khakis...

Me: *HEAD GO BOOM*

(He then went on to tease me mercilessly, insisting I wear panties.  *shudders*)

So, I did what any sane person would do: I polled Twitter.  However, my results were not conclusive since not enough of you jerks were paying attention to my Very Important Research last night there were so many differing answers.  Some sort the right way (by colour); some sort what I've dubbed "The Boy Way" (by type/necessity); some sort according to washing instructions (don't know why I haven't thought of that!).  Oh, and some made me highly jealous with their compartmentalized and labelled laundry hampers.

What say you, readers?  How do you sort your laundry?

HYC: Week 18

First off, my apologies for my post last night: I obviously wasn't thinking before I hit "publish" on my emo-word-vomit.  I sincerely didn't intend to worry anyone.  I'm okay - I wasn't, but I am and I will be.  Much love to all of you who commented, emailed, and messaged me.  You give me strength.  <3

I'm so freaking embarrassed, but last week's post?  Yeah, didn't happen.  I honestly can't even remember why!  Let's see...  Chebbar was sick Tuesday-Thursday: even though this doesn't *technically* affect me directly, I allow it to - I tend to fuss over him at the expense of all else (I swear to Jeebus I have some kind of guilt complex for "aBAAAAANdoning!" him while I'm at work because, y'know, he's not a fully grown-ass man of (almost) 32 or anything *eye roll at myself*).  And I promise this is ALL ME.  He certainly doesn't require or expect it (truth be told, all the worry-warting probably drives him a little batty).

Friday?  I ended up with his bug and left work an hour early.  I spent much of the weekend alternating between the couch and the washroom.  I didn't go to work yesterday.  I'm only feeling marginally better today, but we have jobs closing both this afternoon and tomorrow, so staying home further wasn't a great option.  Huh.  Okay, I guess that does explain it.  And here I was all not cutting myself any slack for being a lazy-ass.  Pretty hard to get your desire to sweat on when crouching down to put groceries away leaves your quads feel like they're going to disintegrate.  

I've had a couple of realizations in the past little while.  I was participating in Temerity Jane's Stockholming Yourself Project (aside: if you're not already reading TJ, you SHOULD be - she's hilarious).  Basically, she proposed that people take a full-body picture of themselves until they liked what they saw, either through physical changes or acceptance (whoa: just checked to make sure I got the gist of it right and it's almost verbatim - summarizing, not plagiarizing, I swears!).  This is very similar to something I had undertaken shortly after Christmas (but didn't really publicize because I wasn't ready to show mah FACE on teh intarnetz) by taking a picture every. single. day. and posting it on DailyBooth - I may have taken a few before I found one I liked enough to post, but I never 'shopped them because the whole point was to attempt to be comfortable with myself as I appear in pictures as-is (and I know that if someone else chooses to post my picture I won't have the luxury of retouching it first).

Realization #1: Some of my shirts look unflattering because of their length (too short).  The reason they're too short?  I've been hanging onto them in some sort of twisted denial.  You see, I lost 25 lbs a few years back and had to get a bunch of new clothes.  I was doing that "bad" thing and hanging onto the "fat" clothes.  That is, until Chebbar moved in - all of a sudden I had to free up dresser/closet space, so I cleared a large green garbage bag full of too big clothes and donated 'em.

Then I gained it all back.  And then some.  

All of a sudden, I was packing away clothing I adored that was now painfully small and unflattering because I refused to get rid of it, but looking at it every day was a painful reminder.  That Rubbermaid tote is still sitting on the floor of the closet taking up valuable shoe space.  So.  I gained BACK that 25 lbs and close to 25 more (I believe?).  Yet?  DIDN'T REPLACE THE CLOTHES.  I've been cramming myself into some of the more *ahem* "forgiving" stuff because I'm in denial or something?  Don't get me wrong: when I shop, I buy clothes in the size I am now, but there's no way I could replace the replacement wardrobe completely in one shot.

So, no shit some of those shirts look horrible: they're not meant to HOUSE this much of me!  Time to be honest with myself and remove the stuff that isn't doing me any favours from rotation - I don't have to get rid of it, just remove it from my sight line.  It's not like I don't have TONSACLOTHES.

Realization #2 (and this one is equally embarrassing and prideful): TJ decided to stop doing the Stockholming Project daily after a month or so because it was paying off - she was seeing results in how she felt about her appearance (YAY!).  She wasn't in any way, shape, or form trying to discourage the rest of us from continuing.  However, once there was no Mr. Linky to sign into, I kind of... petered off.  Okay, who am I kidding?  I stopped dead.  LEAVING A VERY UNFLATTERING PICTURE OF MYSELF AS THE LAST SNAP.  *snort*  

This is a shame because it felt like it was starting to work.  At the very least, I was becoming more comfortable with posting pictures without self-deprecating insults commentary.  So why did I stop?  Because there was no list to sign up for?  Because no one was commenting anymore?  How narcissistic is THAT?!?  Christ on a bike, Chibi!  You're supposed to be doing this for YOU, not anyone else!  Who CARES if no one else sees/comments/acknowledges it?  

So, I'll be starting that back up again as well.  I'm rather embarrassed to realize that I lost sight of the reason and was focusing on the "reward."  Plus, if I ever get my ass back in gear and back on the exercise wagon, it could be an interesting way to track changes in the old bod.

Here's hoping the old bod knocks it off and gets back on track health-wise.  Urg.

If you don't like cupcakes, you MUST be an alien. Or something.

Seriously, who DOESN'T like cupcakes?  And WHY on god's green earth not?!?  Ooey, gooey cakey goodness smothered in glorious icing...  Mmm!  (Just, uh, hold the goo: NO SURPRISE GOO IN MY BAKED TREATS, PLZKTHX.)  Buuuuut.  Sometimes we don't *need* cupcakes.  (See also: butt.  Heh.)  So!  Here are some tasteless alternatives.

Pink Cupcake Pendant $7 

I first encountered EtsyJodi when she tweeted her i can haz cheezburger ring (seriously love this: makes me giggle every time I see it!).  Her stuff is adorable!

Cupcake Key Covers $6

Love these key covers from Fred Flare, especially the pirate cupcake.  AWESOME.

Cupcake Deco Tape $2

EIGHTY-TWO FEET of cupcakey tapiness!  WANT.

Cherry On Top Cupcake Soap $6.50

And if you want a little more of a sensory experience, how about cake-scented soap?  YUM!  Just make sure you're not tempted to take a bite.  ;)

Have you ever?

Have you ever inadvertently learned something?

Something... awful?

Something so mind-boggling that you no longer know up from down?

Have you ever been in possession of information so life-altering that you can't see straight?

That takes your breath away, leaving you shaking and laughing and crying and saying "no, no, no, no, no"?

Have you ever come across something that is such a departure from everything you thought you ever knew about someone that you felt you never really knew that person at all?

That made you question every. single. thing. that person had ever said to you?

That the last X-number of years of your life have been a complete and utter lie?

Have you ever felt like your whole world was flipped upside down, had the shit shaken out of it, then fell down around your feet?

That you wouldn't be able to catch your breath through the body-wracking sobs?

Have you ever been so scared of the answer, that you contemplate not confronting someone with what you've learned?

That *maybe* you could just forget you ever saw it?

Have you ever screwed up the courage enough to ask, only to then have to be brave enough to trust what you're hearing?

To trust your own judgement?

No, me neither.