I didn't really suffer as much as I thought I would: I continued to lose a small amount of weight until the week of Christmas when I threw
I started January with the best of intentions, fully on board with getting back to it fitness-wise. Unfortunately, I was having trouble with my back, and it kind of over-shadowed everything. I had another rather crappy day near the end of January that brought about some realizations, and somehow that "take it easy" approach somewhere along the line managed to translate into "don't do ANY exercise AT ALL and completely, conveniently forget about being active."
So here I am looking down the barrel of a new month, still experiencing pain in my back, shoulders, and neck, and feeling fat and schlumpy. With Chebbar starting school next week, we've planned to walk when I get home from work (which will be awesome: walking is my favourite form of exercise); he wants to start this week (I was told by both the physiotherapist(quack) and my chiropractor that walking would be the best exercise to get my back working "normally").
I'm excited, yet a little... scared? nervous? intimidated? Chebbar has goals of walking seven days a week: I'm worried I'll have a down day and not want to get off the couch, thereby "letting him down." (Or worse, that he'll try to... not bully, but "motivate" me to get up and moving.) I worry about not being able to keep up. (Or worse, not WANTING to keep up, even though I *know* I can handle a 2k walk every day.) It's making me anxious about starting at all, which is totally silly because I NEED to start - I WANT to start. We haven't even started yet, and I'm already putting pressure on myself and catastrophizing, assuming I'll fail. It's all kinds of awesome. *eye roll*
I've been reading a lot lately the mindset that sometimes you just have to get up and DO it: no whining, no belly-aching, no waiting, no excuse-making. I'm worried I'll fail again, much like I felt I did in December, in January, in February, but I know I need to get moving again. I'm scared, but I'm going to try.
You can do it. I have all the faith in the world in you. Even if you "stumble" occasionally and DON'T get off that couch, don't beat yourself up. Just get up the next day and do it all over again.
ReplyDeleteYou're strong and beautiful and awesome. Just thought you should know.
I know how hard it is, I've dealt with depression over my whole life and while I've had it in check for a while (not sure how I even did it) it still lingers there and threatens to take me down. You can always email me, you know that right?
ReplyDeleteYOU CAN DOOOOOO IIIIIIIT!
ReplyDeleteOr something more motivating.
Boy can I relate! It's been a bad winter. Getting back on that horse is frickin' hard. I made up a schedule for exercise and book that time as time for me. I know exercise is the only thing that works for me - pills don't work - and drowning sorrows in booze has never helped me. Eating my feelings never did me any favours either. So yesterday, I had my first run in a month, all "booked," and it took me HOURS to get my ass outside. I had no promises to myself on distance or anything - just a promise to go. So I did. I ran/walked 3km and while it wasn't anything spectacular, the mere achievement of getting out there was priceless.
ReplyDeleteI'm right here with you. Let's get moving. Love you so much, girl.
xoxoxo
Boy, it's been a tough winter, hasn't it? Take it one step at a time, and don't beat yourself if you skip a day or two. I am right behind you.
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate. I recently went back on some anti-depressants and these few weeks of adjustment have been quite difficult. Because I know exercise is KEY, I decided that for February, my goal was to do three classes a week at the gym. I like all three of the classes but it's still hard to get my butt going. I never ever think "gee, I wish I hadn't gone". And I'm glad I started at three times because if I'd told myself every day in the beginning, I don't think I would have been successful. So if every day if scary for you, try Mon, Wed, Fri and weekends. or just any three days plus weekends. I bet on the days that you aren't expecting to go, you'll see him getting ready and go with him after all. My March goal is keep up with the three classes and add one more day of some other activity. YOU CAN DO IT!!
ReplyDeleteI think the most important thing is to try to just take one day at a time. Focusing on the big picture too much leads to anxiety and anxiety for me leads to food! Small goals, small expectations day to day. They will all add up in the end then. Oh and for goodness sake don't aim to walk seven days a week! Recipe for disaster in my book because if you walk 6 times you will see that as a failure which is insane!! Let Chebbar make that goal for himself if he wants. It's ok not to do the same as each other. Everyone has their own way of doing things. I think aiming to walk maybe 3 days a week for starters is a nice goal and any extra you do is a bonus which will make you feel great!
ReplyDeleteAs for worrying about failing well I think we will all have days where we fail. That's just life. It's not letting those days turn into weeks and months is the trick. What's that quote again....
"If you have made mistakes...
there is always another chance for you...
you may have a fresh start any moment you choose,
for this thing we call 'Failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down."
Love it, love it, love it!!!
Past issues are just that - past. Unless you've brown in the towel on life, in general, as far asi can tell you have many good years left to get it right and do what you want with yourself. Show yourself some mercy on this journey in admitting how completely, ridiculously difficult the past few months have been on your self esteem. Then pick up and keep plodding down this road. There's no failure unless you quit. Otherwise it's a scenic (sometimes ugly) detour on your way to where you want to be.
ReplyDeleteIf someone else was as mean to you as you are to yourself, I'd deck them. Be nice to you, okay?
As long as you go into it knowing that there will be "off" days and "down" days and allowing those to happen without beating yourself up. Set realistic goals. Like walking 4 days/per week. Then adding more from there. You know what's realistic for you. Don't base your goals around others. Not even Chebbers. Everyone is made different.
ReplyDeleteNow about the blues... I wish I were there to hug them right outta ya, lady. Set-backs really play with the ole brain, don't they? Just know that when you are ready to ride, I am cheering you on! xoxoxox
I can't wait until it starts warming up so I can walk. I have to be careful because if I "exercise" it will cut my milk supply and I'd rather be fat and lactating than thinner and dry! At least for now...
ReplyDeleteCJ
www.dontlicktheferrets.com
sweet pea......lace up your shoes, get up off the couch & get outside. it's as simple as that. and if you miss a day? SO WHAT. It's not like the Exercise Police are going to come knocking & say "We didn't see you walking todayyyyyyy." Beating yourself up over not wanting to work out before you have even started working out is SO destructive (I know, I know, you know all of this...SO STOP!!)
ReplyDelete