On letting go

I wrote last week that I realized I was tired of being angry and hurt and bitter: it was weighing me down and I didn't want it anymore.  So, I did what I proposed (sort of).  We went to the dollar store where I purchased half a dozen helium balloons (one for each of the people I wanted to forgive as opposed to one for each *thing* I wanted to forgive - that could've been a LOT of balloons [enter image of me floating away "Up"-style here]).  We then went up to the cemetery and I sat at my great grandparents' head stone and said my goodbyes to old hurts.

The last balloon I released was for myself.  While I intend to write myself a letter outlining everything I forgive myself for (like the beautiful letter Sui at Cynosure wrote to herself), I figured acknowledging that I had things I need to forgive myself for was the first step. 

I still have a long way to go in accepting and loving myself as I am, but I'm taking baby steps in the right direction and it feels pretty damned good.  I feel calmer and more at peace already.  Best of all?  I'm hopeful.