Last night I read Dianne Sylvan's "Ten Rules for Fat Girls" on her blog, Crazy Beautiful. The first few lines of Rule #8 (Deal with Your Fat) really caught my attention: "Don’t pretend to be skinny if you’re not. Take up space. It’s okay. You’re not fooling anyone by sucking in your gut anyway."
Don't pretend to be skinny if you're not. I've been living that way for more minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, YEARS than I care to count. I've been walking around like an embarrassed and apologetic skinny girl trying to hide the fact that she's
I've allowed this shame about my body to rule my life and hold me back. It's been miserable, and I'm done. I'm done feeling embarrassed by the shell that houses my soul. I'm tired of feeling ashamed of myself simply because my body doesn't hold up to the ridiculously unobtainable and heavily altered pictures in magazines. Because fact of the matter is that I've felt like a "moose" ever since my mom called me one when I was 12 - even at 125lbs in high school I was wearing size 12 pants: despite my short stature, I've never been tiny.
So, I'm gonna live my life like the big girl I am. The one with a great rack and rockin' curves and an ass that looks great in those jeans. I'm going to stop trying to squeeze myself into size X with shame staining my face red just so I can deny that I do need to step into the "full-figured" section depending on the cut of the season. I'm going to stop blaming my body for the things I "can't" (read: feel too insecure to) do. I'm going to do my level best to love who I am on the inside and treat the outside with respect - after all, I would never stop cleaning my house or washing my car, so why should I stop taking care of my body (which CAN'T be replaced, unlike a house or a car)?
This isn't to say that I'm going on a great, big I-don't-care-a-thon: I'll continue making the best food choices I can, getting exercise of one form or another on a regular basis, and listening to my body. I think if I start treating it with a modicum of respect, it might surprise me.