I made one of my usual smart-ass jokes on his sister's facebook page, and his aunt took exception and called me rude. Now, to be fair, she did follow up by saying that it DID make her laugh; unfortunately, when you're as hyper-sensitive and a consummate people pleaser like I am, this type of remark stings - I'm embarrassed to face her, even though she's likely forgotten by now.
The other issue is that I'm ashamed of my body because of the weight I've gained and don't want them to see my like "this." Logically I know this is silly: *if* they even notice, they're unlikely to be rude enough to actually SAY something, but part of me burns with shame at the thought of what they might say once we're gone. And again, I know I shouldn't care, but I do.
I've mentioned Rosie Molinary's book "Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance" in another post. Yesterday's exercise was to imagine that nothing ever changes: that how you look today is how you'll look forever - no weight loss, no dying your hair, no bleaching your teeth. What would you want to make sure you got to do? How would you live if this were it? What would you do differently?
Wow.
What would I do differently? EVERYTHING. I'd stop letting my perceptions and fears about my body (image) hold me back. I'd get back to exercising for the health benefits and quit freaking worrying about pounds lost (or gained!). How would I live if this were it? I'd live the same, but better - I wouldn't let my poor self-image get in my way: I'd live a life of thinking so what if people don't like how I look? and who cares what they think? If I'm good with it, that's all that matters! I'd stop letting my self-consciousness and need to be liked limit me. I'd live for ME and MY enjoyment.
Huh. How about that. That sounds kind of... smart, doesn't it? Nothing like a light bulb moment to slap you in the face and wake you up to some universal truth you already knew, hey?
*blush* Thanks, lovey. You're wonderful. <3
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Indeed!
ReplyDeleteYou are gorgeous, and, well, if parts of the world haven't cottoned on yet, too bad for them! ;-)
And even IF you weren't, you'd still be fabulous. So, win/win. :P
I totally "get" the feeling that you've hurt someone and they are going to look at you different, even though you know they probably forgot....
ReplyDeleteAlso, screw the visit to the Aunt and Uncle and come visit me!!! (READ THIS CHEBBAR>>>>COME VISIT ME!!!!)
Good on you that you were able to answer that question! I wouldn't know where to begin.
ReplyDeleteI'll have to ponder on that 'How would you live if this were it' question. That really is a great exercise.
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