My dentist is REALLY lucky he's retired and I don't know where he lives because I'm REALLY, REALLY unhappy with him now

Simply because my mouth is all hurty.  Ow.

As I wrote last time, THIS lucky gal got to experience her first root canal.  It was supposed to be done on the 16th, but Chebbar ended up starting graveyards early and needed to be sleeping when I needed to be tortured at the dentist (out of town, after taking an Ativan or six, rendering me unfit for driving), so I had to reschedule for yesterday.

The anxiety has been lurking beneath the surface, well, since I first heard I'd need a root canal on January 2nd.  I mean, c'mon: we've ALL heard the "I'd rather have a ROOT CANAL than do [enter the worst thing you can imagine here]!"  Add to that my new-found anxiety surrounding dentists (specifically around devil dental dams), and I was a little, how shall I put this... high-strung? yesterday.

@theamberness held my hand on Twitter on Saturday night, and promised to hold my hand virtually on Sunday. She was a HUGE help in letting me know it's really not THAT bad, especially considering this was a pre-emptive root canal - there was no pain/infection beforehand for me.  I totally credit her for my ability to actually sleep on Saturday night.

However.  I woke up Sunday with nerves strung taught like piano wires.  I was pissed off at Chebbar (over something completely ridiculous) before we even left the house because I was THAT wound up.  (I also ended up in tears after we were home over a stupid-ass (unexpected and uncomfortable, but ultimately inconsequential) conversation.  Fucking anxiety anyhow.)  Then, as we pulled out of the parking garage, we discovered that his car had vomited its entire content of rad fluid alllll over the pavement.  Y'know, that stuff that's vital to keeping the engine from going BOOM?  On a Sunday?  Two days before he starts graveyards?  Four weeks before his last day of work?  Five weeks before he starts school and we officially become a one-income family on a very, very tight budget?  Yeah.  [enter maniacal laughter here]

@theamberness was right: the root canal was nothing - uncomfortable because my jaw was cranked open for an hour and a half, but otherwise no biggie (the pinch of the freezing needles hurt more than anything else).  The dentist was AWESOME: gentle, patient, and took the time to explain what she was doing as she went along (probably helped that I wore my Anxiety Girl shirt - truth in advertising... hehe).  Oh, and I popped two Ativan, an Aleve, and a Chlor-Tripolon (to try to dry up my emeffing runny sinuses) before going in.  Whoo!  Honestly, the worst part has been the ache after the fact (and it hasn't even been the root canal tooth!  Sure, it's tender, but it's the three teeth in front of it that are sore and have swollen gums!).  I can't chew on that side of my mouth, but I'll live.

The Super! Fun! part?  I have to have the crown fitting on the 9th in the middle of my work day (THAT'S gonna be a fun 1.5 hours plus commute time!), the filling in the neighbouring tooth replaced on the 10th (right after work), and then the crown installation on February 23rd (right after work).

Why the rush, you ask?  Well, you see.  Since Chebbar's last day of work is February 25th, we have to have all of this done and billed BEFORE that, otherwise we'll have no dental coverage.  And, uh, it's ALREADY costing us twice as much as we had thought/budgeted for, so yeah.  Not an option.  I foresee a miserable mouth month ahead.

Lucky for Chebbar that Men's Valentine's Day is in March.  *SNORT*

Possibly Unpopular Opinion: #15

#15:  I’m so very tired of hearing the holier-than-thou, bordering-on-wannabe-hipster “*I* only eat certified triple organic food that doesn’t cast a shadow” talk.  Yeah, yeah, yeah: we get it.  You’re better than us.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’mma go eat a big, fat, juicy cheeseburger.






Explanation

Coming Out

(Sort of - since I'm still not "out" blog-wise to my family, I'm posting a picture of my cartoonish self, but I did post the same labels over *my* picture on facebook so said family and outside-of-the-computer friends could see it.  My apologies for not being brave enough to own my blog.  Yet.)


In light of The Bloggess's amazing post - seriously: go read it NOW - I'm coming out.

These are my labels.  They do not define who I am or how I live.  They're a part of me, just like everything else about me, but they are not *ME*.

Join us in removing the stigma of mental illness and labels?

HYC: Week 4

I had a good week!  I didn't work out every day, but I was okay with that - after my epiphany last week (thanks again to Kellee and Karen), I'm okay with doing what I need to do for me at that particular moment: if that means hopping on the elliptical, awesome; if that means taking it easy, that's cool, too.  I'm feeling really zen right now.  /dork

I'm getting back on track with my eating, too, although last week was a little dodgy because Aunt Flo was visiting.  I think I'm having a (very minor) IBS flare?  Nothing debilitating, though.  My foam roller came yesterday, so I'll be giving that a roll (*snort*) tonight.  I found out that local yoga studio offers a very basic beginner's class on Monday evenings about half an hour after I get home, so I'm hoping to catch a class or two while we still have extra cash before Chebbar starts school (1 month, 1 week, and 3 days! :D ).

Oh, and I weighed in on Friday: I'm down 1.1lbs.  Not much, but I'll take it!  And as my wise friend Bella pointed out, baby steps is how to get this done.  :)

I'm heading into this week feeling busy with a lot of stuff on my plate, but I'm NOT worrying about when or how much exercise I'll be able to fit in: I'm content to know that I'll make the best choice in each moment.

Sugar and Vice

Last Christmas the amazing Mommy Geekology gifted me with this lovely print.

This year, I saw her tweet about a necklace from Etsy that said "geek."  I rushed to open the link, hoping I could return the "Secret Santa" favour, only to find that it was already sold out.  At that point, I became a woman on a mission!  Unfortunately, I wasn't finding anything that I really liked - that was good enough for her.

In my poking around, I stumbled across Sugar and Vice's Etsy shop.  Sugar and Vice does a wide range of jewellery and accessories, including custom orders!  Feeling inspiration strike, I sent a message asking if they'd be able to duplicate a font.  Sarah replied very quickly, telling me that as long as I knew the name of the font, chances were that she could copy it.  With the help of the wonderful inoculatted (who identified the font for me), I was able to order a "geek" necklace in the font on Mommy Geekology's website!  I was SO excited, it was damn-near impossible for me not to immediately tell Mommy Geekology about the amazeballs gift that would be coming her way.

Unfortunately, with mail over Christmas, the first necklace disappeared into the ether (and still hasn't surfaced: I think maybe a postal worker somewhere is currently sporting a REALLY cool necklace).  However, Sarah was FANTASTIC.  She was super accommodating and whipped up a replacement as soon as I let her know that the first seemed to have gone AWOL.  She was easy to work with and GREAT at getting back to me super quickly.  And I'd say the proof is in the happy-grin-pudding:

Picture shamelessly stolen (with permission) from @MommyGeekology

Is that AWESOME or what?!?  I was *so* happy with how it turned out!  I didn't get to see it first-hand because Sarah shipped it directly to Mommy Geekology on my behalf, but based on her happiness with the finished product, I'm highly impressed.

I would recommend Sugar and Vice in a heartbeat.  Go check out Sarah's excellent work!






This is not a paid or sponsored post: I paid for this item with my own money and was so impressed, I decided to share.

One moment at a time

On Tuesday I talked a bit about how dinner not turning out as expected sent me into FAIL-mode.  My dear friend Kellee commented reminding me that every single moment is a new one.

I've heard that before, though.  I read it again on Tuesday, nodded in appreciation, and pretty much moved on to the next comment.

Until I read a post by my dear friend Karen yesterday talking about how it's a good thing there are 12 months in a year because, so far, 2011 is making her its bitch instead of the other way around.  After some commiserating, I found myself repeating pretty much the same thing Kellee had said to me - what can I say?  For some reason, it finally clicked!

Every. Single. Moment. Is a new one.  An opportunity for a fresh start.  A do-over.  No more of this "AH MAH GAH! I faaaaaileddddd!  D:  I might as well just GIVE! UP! for today [or worse, this week]!"  No more starting on Monday.  No more "Oh well, it's Thursday and I haven't worked out at all yet this week, so why bother now?"  Oh nooooo.

Yesterday?  Even though it WAS Thursday and I hadn't worked out at all this week?  I got my ass on the elliptical because YESTERDAY was a *new* day, a *new* opportunity, a *new* start.  And I'm going to do it again tonight, because today's a *new* day, too.

I will take each day as it comes, and break it down into making each hour my bitch if I have to.

Kellee and Karen?  Thank you for helping me finally get this.  You both rock.  <3

I can't believe I'm saying this, but... #1

1.  ...I'm SO glad Aunt Flo showed up!  :D

Spring hasn't sprung... YET!

But it's fast approaching!

What?  I'm working on my power of positive thinking!  :)

With the temperatures gradually rising and the daylight hours stretching, it's not too early to start considering the back yard.  We don't personally have a backyard (again, yet), but my BFFs now have a large, beautiful back yard at their new house that they'll need to fill, and I'm betting Wyatt would LOVE a swing set.  This one's a little young for him, but how awesome is this?

As always, CSN Stores has an awesome selection of swing sets, tire swings, jungle gyms...   They even have accessory packs.  Did you know swing sets had accessories?  I didn't!  And of course, they DO ship to Canada, which is awesome.




Disclosure:  This is a sponsored post - I will be receiving a product from CSN stores to review at a later date.

HYC: Week 3

This past week has been a mixed bag.  I ended up "pushing through the pain" and getting on the elliptical Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.  Saturday and Sunday were filled with what I think of as unintentional exercise - hours of walking while shopping, house cleaning, laundry, etc: not quite an honest to goodness *workout*, but calorie-burning nonetheless.  I didn't work out yesterday by choice because I felt the need to take care of ME instead (relaxed my super-stiff back muscles in a hot bath).  And tonight was a big, fat dinner FAIL which resulted in me just not having the time: it's 7:45 and I'm *just* sitting down to eat (something other than what I planned on preparing).  I was close to having a melt down because of the whole dinner flop and feeling overwhelmed having to come up with a backup plan and missing the workout I actually WANTED to do, so I took a deep breath and decided to let ALL of my planned stuff go.

I saw my chiropractor on Saturday and discussed Physio Dude...  HA!  He had a hard time concealing his shock at some of the things I was told: YES I have recurring back pain; NOOOOO "pushing through the pain" is NOT okay in all instances, because YES it's possible to cause damage to your back; and he all but snort-laughed when I told him the whole imagining myself pain-free.  He gave me some recommendations for yoga DVDs that focus on stretching and core strength, and gave me the name of the "only" acupuncturist I should see if that's the route I choose to go.

Aaaaand I cancelled the physio appointment that I was supposed to have last night.

My *back* has felt okay, but per everyone who has put his or her hands on me in the past few months, the muscles are "ridiculously" (PAINFULLY) tight.  After polling twitter and facebook, I took my lovely friends' recommendations and ordered a foam roller so I can hopefully roll the tension out of my muscles.  It should get here by the end of the week.

Other than my #CHIBISMASH rawr moment in the kitchen tonight, I'm feeling really, really good - loved, blessed, happy.  It's pretty damned awesome.  :)

*ahem*

Via the most excellent tristanx.

'Nuff said, ya dirty thermos.

Don't mess with me because I will HUNT you DOWN

On the Saturday before Christmas, I went grocery shopping while I forced Chebbar - with MUCH whining and gnashing of teeth - to stay home because of The Ick (cold? sinus infection? who knows?).

I had just pulled into the bat-shit-insane parking lot (again: last Saturday before Christmas) and into an aisle to find a parking spot.  There was a van in front of me and a car behind me.

As we  s l o w l y  moved forward, the van braked to let someone up ahead back out of a spot.  I saw the reverse lights of a car across from me come on, but didn't really think much of it.

UNTIL SHE STARTED BACKING UP.

Yeah, apparently she didn't see the caravan of vehicles blocking her exit before throwing it into reverse and backing straight out of her spot (no turning of the steering wheel at all).  Also, she apparently didn't hear ALL! OF! THE HONNNNNKING! I did trying to get her freaking attention, since I couldn't go forward and I couldn't go backward...

THUD.

Yup.  She backed straight into my rear quarter panel.  (You should have HEARD the new curse words I invented!  You'd be proud, I know it.)  A little old man (who I didn't even THINK to get witness contact info from - bonehead) who was getting in his car at the time, kept telling me I did a good job because it was a close call.  When I finally responded by saying "How?!?  She HIT me!" he informed me that it could have been worse (he was right: thank you for the perspective, sir).  I put my four-way flashers on and pulled over so as not to block traffic before getting out to see the damage.

She?  Left her damned car 3/4s backed out of the emeffing parking spot.  Heh, maybe I should nominate her for Canada's Worst Driver, eh?  *evil grin*

I couldn't see any damage, but growing up the (step)daughter of a bodyman, I knew better.  I told her we needed to exchange information and pulled into a spot a little further up.  I got out of my car and walked down to hers, where she remained inside.  While I waited, I wrote down my name, phone number, drivers license number, and license plate number.  She sat in the car.  And sat in the car.  And sat in the car so damned long, I wondered if she was going to get back OUT of the car (so I wrote down her license plate number in case she decided to take off).  Finally her passenger tapped her on the shoulder and pointed in my direction.

She didn't ask if I was okay.  She didn't ask if the car was okay.  She didn't apologize.  She just kept repeating "Oh, man.  Oh, shit."  Ya don't say!  She thrust a scrap of a pizza menu in my hand with her name and drivers license number on it and jumped back in the car.  Oooookay, then.

I went up to my parents' house when I was done grocery shopping, and Brad pointed out a 2-3" long scuff mark on the quarter panel, which he said would likely buff out.  However, he was troubled by how much the bumper had dropped on that side, and confirmed my thoughts/concerns: it needed to go in to the shop so he could see if there was any "internal" damage.

I filed the accident report online when I got home, and within a couple of days, got an email telling me that I could it repaired immediately.  BUT.  *I* would have to pay the ($300) deductible (a week before Christmas) until they heard from the other party and determined fault: at that point, if it was not my fault, my deductible would be refunded, or if it was found to be both of our faults, it would be worked out from there.  I really didn't like that idea: why should I have to pay for something that wasn't my fault?

Long story short (ha! too late for that, right?), ICBC called me on Monday to see if I had any other contact information for her because the phone number on file from her drivers license (which I was also chastised six ways from Sunday by everyone I know for not demanding to SEE to ensure she gave me the right damned number - again, BONEHEAD) was !surprise! out of service.  I didn't, but I put on my Sherlock Holmes cap, got on Ye Olde Facebook, and found her profile.  She didn't have a phone number listed, but she DID have her employer listed, so I went to that website and whoa, Nelly!  I got to call ICBC back with her employer's name, address, phone number, and her personal work email address.

When I went to pick up my car last night (GOD, DID I MISS MY CAR!), I didn't have to pay one penny of the NINE HUNDRED DOLLARS worth of damage she did (she broke the reflector and cracked a seal, which would have resulted in water leaking into my car) because my deductible was waived.

I'm like a dog with a bone who knows how to use Teh Intarwebz for good, but isn't afraid to use them for evil.

LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS, PEOPLE!

See?  Even the internet says so...

Source

Possibly Unpopular Opinion: #17

#17:  Witnessing Twitter flirtation where both parties aren’t a) single, b) AWARE of said  flirtation, and c) on board with it gives me the heebie jeebies.


Explanation

HYC: Week 2

I started off with so much hope last week!  Onnnnnnly to be side-lined (yes, AGAIN) by my !@#$*#$% back.  If I had to guess (and I did), I'd say it was a combination of ten days off work (mostly slouched on the couch *shame face*) and returning to work and my not-so-hot office chair - by Tuesday, I was in so much pain it was almost unbearable.  I wasn't able to get into to see my chiropractor until Friday, but I'd had enough and called to make a physio appointment.

My first appointment was last  night.  Physio Dude said that my posture isn't BAD, but that backs are not designed to be in one position for eight hours straight - they need to move every 15 minutes.  He said that there are very few "true" chronic back pain sufferers, that we injure our backs and they heal, and when we experience pain again it's a NEW injury (that I find hard to believe, but I'm not the expert?).  He also said that a large part of back pain is just "letting it go" and pushing through it (I just need to set a time limit (like a couple of months) to be pain-free and just DO IT, and I will be pain-free because it's that simple) - that there's nothing in the back to injure further, so there's nothing wrong with working out through the pain (that also is opposite everything I've ever heard about back pain, but... ?).  Oh!  And he told me that losing weight may or may not improve my pain: if I lose weight by cutting back on food (which he doesn't endorse), it will have no bearing on my pain because bad posture is bad posture; if I lose weight because I'm more active and become more fit, my back pain may lessen as a by-product of being more active.  THAT makes little sense to me - if I lose 50 pounds, that's 50 less pounds of me for my back to have to support!

He showed me a couple of yoga stretches to do and asked me to come back next week to show me some exercises to strengthen my core muscles.

Have any of you heard Physio Dude's way of thinking?  It kiiiiiind of sounds like mumbo jumbo to me...  :-s  Have you dealt with recurring (mid)back pain?  How did you handle it?  Somehow daily encounters with the heating pad and Advil bottle just doesn't seem right to me anymore than thinking it away does.  I'm tired of being in pain all the time - I'm too young to feel this old and broken.

All in all, I'm not completely sold on the physio.  However, now I feel a little better about getting off my ass and back on the horse again (he said that the best form of exercise for me would be walking - even just 20 minutes a day - so once Chebbar starts school in March, we'll be able to walk before dinner again: in the meantime, as long as it's not causing me back pain, he said to go ahead and use the elliptical).  I'm supposed to schedule an appointment with the chiropractor after next week's physio appointment; I'm going to ask both of them about acupuncture.  

I also had THE worst episode of binging last Thursday that I've had in probably close to two years (for the record, I personally don't consider a chocolate bar and some potato chips a binge if I'm eating proper serving sizes/tracking/staying within my calorie goals: for me, a binge is out-of-control eating of anything and everything I can get my hands on in LARGE amounts).  I knew I wasn't hungry, but couldn't stop eating.  Nothing seemed appealing, but still couldn't stop.  I ate myself to the point of heart burn and stomach pain that made it difficult to fall asleep.  Even as I was eating, I kept asking myself what I was doing and WHY, but I had no answers.  The best I can come up with is that the back pain/lack of exercise/getting off plan so freaking soon was taking its toll on me.  

And then there was the whole picture episode from Saturday...  The old self-esteem has taken a bit of a beating lately, which makes activity that much more important: I always feel better when I'm active and moving.  So, I'm going to give it another shot today after work and see how I do.

Ugly

Chebbar's sister put a picture from last Christmas up on facebook recently that I just discovered on Saturday night (because thank CEILING CAT she didn't tag either of us in it).

I look... huge.  Not so much my body - that was no shock: I know I'm soft and squooshy and have bingo wings - it was my face.  It looked like a dinner plate: round and fat with quite the double chin and slitty, squinty little piggy eyes that disappear into the cheek-mountains caused by my smile (it's the first time I've ever seen a resemblance between myself and my mother's (overweight) side of the family).  It literally took the breath right out of me.  I had no idea I look(ed?) that bad.  And even now, I'm not sure if I do look any different than I did a year ago, or if I'm just fooling myself.

When I showed Chebbar and asked him if my face REALLY looks THAT! FAT!, he kind of rolled his eyes before asking if HE looked "that fat."  I replied that I didn't think he looked that bad, and that's all he'd say to me in return: you don't look that bad.  Every time I've brought it up since then, he tells me he won't discuss it further (and I can't tell if it's because he's trying to avoid telling me I *do* look THAT! FAT!, or that he just thinks the whole conversation is ridiculous and doesn't want me dwelling on it).

I have this... thing where, in my mind's eye, I'm thinner than I actually am.  Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror can be devastating.  It's not that I don't know I'm overweight: I just don't *see* myself that way, so when it's shoved in my face, it's startling to say the least.  Now, instead of looking at my twitter picture and viewing it as a goal picture (I love it because I look so HAPPY), I'm feeling like a big, fat fraud (pun intended) because I obviously don't look like that anymore.

I did what any narcissistic jerk reasonable person would do and told my fears to The Twittah where a number of wonderfully kind and loving friends assured me that I'm MORE than just a (bad) picture.  (Again, thank you all so very much.  <3)  I'm still shocked and embarrassed by the picture, but I'm trying to put it out of my mind instead of dwelling on it.  Feeling ugly blows, though.

Love this

I generated a tweet cloud after seeing @karensugarpants's post...

I love the positive words I'm seeing!  Glad, feel, love, awesome, squooshy (which, of course, is part of my infamous *big, fat, squooshy bewbie hugs*, so ALWAYS a good thing IM(not so)HO!), happy, thanks, xoxo...  Such a change from a few months ago - so cool.  :)

My dentist is lucky he retired & I don't know where he lives because I'd probably fire bomb his house

*ahem*

A few (five?) years back, Dr. UsedToBeAGoodDentist was set to retire.  He saw me not long before his voyage into the wild blue yonder, and mentioned a "small" cavity at that time.  Because he was the expert and didn't say anything about filling it, I didn't give it any thought.

Until I went to see his replacement six months later.

Do you know how much a "small" cavity can grow in six months' time?

Enough to eat deep enough into the molar that the dentist won't be sure if she'll have to do a DUN! DUN! DUNNNNN! root canal until she's in there.  Enough to eat THROUGH the molar to cause a cavity in the molar sitting next to it.  Enough to cause $800 worth of damage/work.

Yeah.

So!  The dentist was able to repair both cavities without having to do a root canal.  However, Dr. UsedToBeAGoodDentist was old skool and never used dental dams.  Dr. NewDentist was new skool and DID use dental dams.  Unfortunately, it didn't occur to anyone to clue me in to what they were doing until I found my mouth cranked wide open with a lovely metal torture device frame and covered in gag-inducing latex.

Now.  My control issues are well-documented on this here blog.  I'm sure you can guess my level of discomfort and anxiety over this foreign (and scary for a first timer!) contraption in my mouth.  After being told "Oh, no: that stays in until we're done!" I had tears streaming down my face for the rest of the appointment - not because I was in pain, as the poor hygenist assumed: I wasn't even AWARE that I was crying until she asked where it hurt.

Fast forward a bunch of years to last weekend and our WAAAAAY overdue 6-month (read: ONE YEAR! D: ) cleaning and the new (yes: I was so upset by the whole surprise! dental dam of doom that I switched to Chebbar's dentist) dentist informs me that I have a cavity.

Where, you might ask?

Oh, right between those two emeffing molars.  And did I mention that it extends INTO the asshole tooth along the old filling?  And that the filling in the neighbouring molar needs to be replaced, too?

OH, AND THAT I NEED A FUCKING ROOT CANAL AND CROWN?!?  D:  D:  D:

*biiiiiig breath out*

Needless to say (HA!), this has been causing some minor (BWA HA HAAAAA!) anxiety.  I go for the root canal on the 16th (an hour and a freaking half).  I plan on taking an Ativan (or six) before hand.  No idea when the crown will be done because it takes 4-5 weeks for our dental carrier to approve it (and apparently going without the crown will result in a SHATTERED! TOOTH!).

I hate teeth.  And Dr. UsedToBeAGoodDentist.

HYC: Week 1 - Back in the Saddle

Hi, strangers!  Long time no see!  I fell off the proverbial wagon (albeit completely planned and a totally conscious decision) in order to get my mental health and well-being in shape: after all, what chance do I stand physically if I'm a mess mentally?  If you haven't been here in a while, I'll recap...

I stopped checking in after week 44 because I was pretty much just phoning it in anyhow. 

Mid-November I finally got the all-clear from Dr. Asshat: no cancer for me!

I had some rough patches... 

...and decided to give myself a damned break already.

Of course, within seconds I was second-guessing myself (as usual).

I decided to stick with The Plan and go with the flow, and eventually found myself feeling better.

I decided that I was going to make 2011 my bitch (you can still join up if you'd like!).

I shared my goals for this year and talked about how I'm going to focus on balance. 

Aaaaand I did the frightening task of OWNING my current state and updating my stats page (including taking down that shiny 20 pounds lost badge - for now!).

I stopped tracking on LoseIt on the 23rd of December and things kiiiiind of went off the rails there: because I had no accountability, I pretty much had no control and have spent the last ten days (hello Christmas holidays!) eating whatever the hell I wanted.  And, uh, yeah: I'm paying for it now with a 6.2lb gain (and nine inches!  NIIIIINE!).  

But you know what?  I'm okay with it: I did what I had to do for myself, and I'd do it again in a heart beat if that's what felt like the right thing for me to do.  This is temporary - it will all come back off.  I'm a little surprised by how at peace with this I feel, but it's pretty damned great (and instead of feeling out of control because of the gain, I feel like I'm in control of the situation).  I started tracking again this morning and got a tiny workout in after work.  I'm starting out slooooow and easy because it's been so long and I don't want to overwhelm (or injure *snort*) myself, but I'm okay with that, too.

I'm back in the saddle, and it feels GOOD.  :)

Balance

Last Friday I talked about choosing one word to represent 2011.  I had originally gone with "kindness" because I need to focus/work on being kind to myself.  However, I think I'm gonna be a wienie and change it...

Source

Considering the difficulty I had last year reconciling my wants, needs, and the pressure I put on myself to be all things to all people, it seems that striking a balance might be even more important than kindness.  Besides, the majority of my negative self-talk - the unkindness - stems from my feeling like I've failed when I take on too much and inevitably can't do it ALL.  

(Also, how bad is it that I just had a *face palm* moment and realized that "balance" would've been a GREAT word for my last tattoo?  Oh, by the way, I got a new tattoo...  LOL

It matches the one I got on my right wrist back in October:

Balance would've been a GREAT reminder word!)

Have you thought of choosing one word to represent the year?  What word would you choose?

Goals for 2011

No resolutions, right?  Okay, fine, but here are some of the things I would like to work on this year:

1. Get more sleep
2. Manage stress
3. Learn/do yoga
4. Listen to myself/mind/body
5. Ask for help
6. Learn something new (maybe how to *use* my camera?)
7. Be kind to myself
8. Be patient with myself
9. Floss
10. Stop negative self-talk

See?  Nothing MA!JOR! or difficult.  The toughest one might actually be flossing...  *snort*