Farewell to 2011

I'm joining Robin from Farewell, Stranger in her photo wrap-up of 2011, partially because it's a cool way to look back on the last year, and because I would *love* to take part in the Brave Girls Soul Restoration. I adore the Brave Girls. Let's take a look, shall we?

January

Near the end of January, Jenny The Bloggess published a post about "coming out" and speaking up about mental illness. I was inspired by her, and did the same (well, sort of: since I'm still not "out" as my blog persona to my family, my cartoonified picture had to suffice: it was still hard to slap all those labels on it, though).

February

February's dreariness contributed to some fairly roller coaster-like ups and downs for me in the self-esteem department, going from hating myself one day to trying to convince myself I was kind of okay the next. It was a rough month.

March

Chebbar started school - exciting! March gave us the first glimmers of hope that spring was going to arrive. We spent time walking down at the river, which was lovely - there's something about being outside that rejuvenates me. I can't say for sure because the picture wasn't dated, but we very well could have done this when I participated in the National Day of Unplugging: no technology of any kind for 24 for whole hours! It was daunting at first, but once I put my keener pants on and started to make a list of all the things I could do in that 24 hours, I began to get excited about my self-imposed exile. It was lovely. I need to do it again some time soon.

April

In April, I celebrated my birthday and tried to let go of an old hurt. I wrote it out, and when that wasn't enough, I burned that letter. It felt better than I should probably admit.

"Burn the Witch"

May

May was... rough. My estranged grandfather had a heart attack and was in ICU. The decision to go to the hospital was a difficult one, but ultimately one that needed to be made. In doing so, I learned some things about him AND myself. I was also able to forgive him (and begin the long process of forgiving myself - I'm still not quite there yet). 

Mid-month, I happened upon the scene of an accident and "helped" by assisting a man in lifting a Harley. As in, 800-lb motorcycle. My back was NOT happy with me. I spent a fair amount of time sitting on an ice pack on the couch with that adorable pup above beside me. 

June

Oh, June. You shook me up. Hard. But you taught me a lot, too. My grandfather passed away. I made the painful decision to skip his memorial service. I learned another truth that further solidified by choice to remain estranged from my grandmother. And I let go.

July

I got in touch with who I am in July. I used Wordle to create the cloud above of consisting of words friends used to describe me. While feeling a little embarrassed and a smidge ashamed (I was brought up on not tooting your own horn), it felt pretty darned good to see all those lovely, positive words and know that they were referring to ME.

I also shared how I practice gratitude every day, linked up to Schmutzie's "Where I'm From" meme, and crawled up on my soapbox to rant about the hierarchy of blogging.

 

"Where I'm From"

 

August

This is what happens when you finally realize and admit that you suffer from dermatillomania (skin picking) and try to do something about it (note: didn't work).

After reading Gretchen Rubin's book, I decided to start my own Happiness Project (note: it's working). 

The summer heat seemed to put people on edge. I had to call the police to report child abuse (update here).

And we went on a mini-road trip to visit family (can you spot the moon?).

September

September saw the end of my pretending everything was okay and walloped me upside the head with a resurgence of my depression. 

We saw Pearl Jam on their 20th Anniversary Tour (awesome!!!).

Band Back Together held an auction, to which I donated a set of handmade cards.

October

I saw my doctor about my depression; with a small tweak in antidepressants, I was back to feeling "normal" within a week or so - SUCH a relief.

I found out I was being laid off. A bunch of shitty stuff happened to my family. I did my best to look at the bright side of things. 

Oh, and we went to another small concert. You've probably never heard of them... THE FOO FIGHTERS!  :D

November

In November, I was thankful, strong (note: didn't work), rambly, and stressed out. Big time.

December

Ah, December. You, too, were rough. You brought crazy hormones that messed with my head and brought my self-loathing to an all-time low that lasted far longer than I was comfortable with. However, you also brought me some understanding, perspective, and peace; I think I'm walking away from 2011 with a different outlook and more awareness. 

It's been a bumpy year, but I definitely feel like I've learned and grown, so that makes me happy.

My Happiness Project: Month 6, Week 1

Month Five wasn't bad at all with a final score of 79% - it actually went a lot better than I had expected. Last month I worked on:

1. Choosing not to take things personally
2. Laughing every day, including at myself
3. Paying compliments
4. Engaging the world - smile, say hello, help others
5. Taking (perceived) failures and imperfections in stride

Not surprisingly, I found numbers one and five to be the most difficult; however, they were easier than I had anticipated, perhaps because I had this daily reminder.

Here are Month Six's goals:

 

Get your own Tool Box here!

It's the MOST wonderful tiiiiime of the year (now that it's over)!

So, Christmas.

It started on Friday when we went to my parents' house for our usual Christmas Eve traditions. Yes, I know it wasn't Christmas Eve, but with a large family - some of whom work shift work - you fit stuff in where and when you can. I was extremely anxious about going and felt like an outsider (or first time guest); I was on the verge of tears for the first hour or so until I loosened up, got the frig over myself, and enjoyed myself. Nick gave me the best gift (and compliment) he's ever given me in his whole life: he was talking about our rocky childhood and said something to the effect that, when stuff was shitty, "Chibi made it all better." That's the very first time he's EVER said anything remotely grateful to me about what we went through.

Saturday we went to see Chebbar's family to celebrate his uncle's birthday. Out-of-town family had arrived, and we had a good time dressing Uncle Mike up in all his "over the hill gear."

Sunday saw us up and out of the house early so we could go back to Nana's to watch Theo and Jake open their gifts. Jake is 3 1/2 and just figuring out the concept of "MINE!" It was a riot. At one point, he took an interest in my iPod, so I was showing him how to take pictures. He spent a good hour, the rest of the battery life, and over THREE! HUNDRED! pictures. It was freaking adorable watching him look at the screen, line up his shot, and tap the button a zillion times before he'd excitedly squeal "I gotchooooo!" We seriously need to find the kid a camera for his birthday.

We were there for fifteen hours. FIFTEEN! Needless to say, we didn't make it back to my parents' to open gifts that night.

We ended up going back there on Monday to do the gift thing. I'm not even sure how the conversation turned that way (I think maybe Chebbar started talking about his flighty mother?), but I had the opportunity to speak my piece and get shit off my chest. I can't even BEGIN to tell you how good it felt to unburden myself (never mind how relieving it was to have her very emphatically state that she would NEVER walk away from me).

Four days of Christmas, but all in all pretty damned good. Although I am glad it's over for another 362 days (you're welcome... *evil grin*).

How were your holidays? Are you packed up and over 'em, or are you having difficulty packing it all away for another year like I am?

Sunday Sound-Off, The Way-Late Edition

Shared it:

1. "But, expectations shrink your shine and weigh you down with worry and equations." Read the rest of this at Danielle Laporte's White Hot Truth.
2. 55 gentle ways to take care of yourself when you're busy, busy, busy at The Freedom Experiment.
3. Christie Inge shares How to Feel Your Feelings - LOVE her blog.
4. I know we've passed the majority of the holiday season, but New Year's Eve is right around the corner, and Katie P's "The Introvert's Guide to Holiday Parties" is definitely worth bookmarking for NEXT year.
5. And check out the simple phrase that can change everything over at A Flourishing Life.

Noted it:

1. Job interviews (not mine)
2. Crazy-scary-exciting opportunities (ours)
3. The prospect of finally being able to get into a house (and get a dog!!!)
4. Family (ours)
5. Christmas (finally being over for another year after four. long. days.)

It's Christmas Meme!

1. Egg nog or hot chocolate?
I drink hot chocolate year-round (don't kid yourself: it's the powdered crap  you mix with hot water), so I'd say egg nog, but I don't remember the last time I had egg nog. Plus, I'm ridiculously particular about it (has to be super cold and preferably the light stuff, otherwise I'll throw ice cubes in it to thin it out).

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Santa always wrapped our presents. However, his handwriting did look suspiciously like Mom's...

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?

White mini-lights on the tree. White (icicles) on the house; I'd go with red and white if pressed (like a candy cane), but Chebbar wanted blue, and since he put them up...

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
Yes, but it's fake. Heh, after our first Christmas together, Chebbar took the mistletoe I was trying to pack up and wandered down the hall. When I followed, I found him balanced on the mattress, pinning it to the ceiling above the bed. Four years later, it's still there. (All together, now: "AWW!")

5. When do you put your decorations up?
The first weekend of December. They usually come down the weekend after New Year's Day (if not New Year's Day itself).

6. What is your favorite holiday dish?
All of them? HA! My family always does hot appetizers, meats, cheeses, veggies, dip, etc. When Nick was little, he couldn't say "hors d'oeuvres" so he called it our "everything dinner." heh

Oh, and my baking is pretty damned good if I do say so myself.

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child?
The year I was tricked into thinking I didn't get the Pound Puppy I really, really, really wanted because it was wrapped in a weed eater box.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
No clue. That was a LONG time ago. I'm old, yo.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
I can't remember when it started, but this is a tradition that we still do, and it's awesome. :)

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
My mom likes colour-coordinated trees (as in even the wrapping paper needs to match). So, because I'm all rebellious like that, mine is a hodge podge of cute, quirky, eclectic ornaments. AND NO TINSEL OR TINSEL-Y GARLAND! Just ribbon and beads, plzkthx.

11. Snow! Love it or dread it?
Do I have to drive in it? Heh. Snow is great, but we usually get it in November and January with... a green, rainy Christmas. I *love* a white Christmas, though.

12. Can you ice skate?
Erm, sort of? I haven't been in years, but I never broke a bone or anything.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
As a kid, see the Pound Puppy above. As an adult, it would have to be my necklace from Chebbar. Which I didn't get until Valentine's Day (he wasn't working at Christmas). Made it extra special.

14. What’s the most important thing about the holidays for you?
Spending time with loved ones.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert?
HAAAAA! All of them! Butter tarts.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Everything dinner. Opening a gift on Christmas Eve. Drunken board games. Christmas in general?

17. What tops your tree?
A small, kinda lame gold spray painted grape vine-y unlit star because the top branch is ridiculously spindly.

18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving?
Oh god, giving! I know it's not supposed to be about the gifts, but it is for me. (Which, given the fact we can't afford gifts this year, has kind of made me a little grinchy this year.)

19. Candy canes:
Meh.

20. Favorite Christmas show? 
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
 
21. Saddest Christmas song?
"Christmas Shoes" makes me want to barf. While killing kittens. And making babies cry.

22. What is your favorite Christmas song?
"Carol of the Bells" and "O Holy Night."

23. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Wrapping paper all the way.

24. Real tree or artificial?
I would love a real tree - love the smell! - but it's too much of a pain in an apartment, so artificial until we have a house.

25. Hardest person to buy for?
My brother.

26. Easiest person to buy for? 
Chebbar.

27. Mail or email Christmas cards?
I can get away with EMAILING Christmas cards?!? Dude!


28. Worst gift you've ever received?
An Easter nightgown. In a child's size 10. When I was 19.

29. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
When I find a gift I want to buy. I usually start budgeting/saving for Christmas around August, though.

30. Have you ever regifted?
Yes... *side eye*

What is the single best thing we can do for our health?

Walk. That's it: walk. For half an hour. Thirty little minutes. 

 Can you limit your sitting and sleeping to just 23 1/2 hours a day?

After the emofest on Monday, this pretty much took my breath away. 

 Well, yeah, self: I dare you.

How do you get past abandonment issues?

When I was seven, my world fell apart. My parents separated; when Mom couldn't make ends meet, Nick moved back with Dad, and Mom and I moved in with my grandparents. Before long, my mom moved out, and I remained with my grandparents. My grandmother told me Mom left me there because she didn't want me anymore.

Growing up, I was praised for getting good grades and doing well in school; however, my parents weren't the type to ground me because I got a B instead of an A on my report card - there was no pressure that I recall. (The "worst" I can remember is having my grandfather, upon seeing a test with a 97% mark, look at me and ask where the other 3% was instead of praising me.) The only other thing I was ever complimented on was my skin: obviously, when it went to pot when I turned 27, it became a sore spot of shame and embarrassment for me.

I was the eldest child. I was expected to help out with my siblings and around the house. I was expected to set an example. I was expected to figure things out "correctly" the first time. I was the stereotypical first-born: conscientious, people-pleasing, reliable, perfectionist, "needy of approval."

I've been aware of my abandonment issues for quite awhile now. Poor Chebbar has been dealing with them for the last 4.5 years. I'm getting marginally better at not assuming he's going to leave me every time we disagree, but I'm still stuck on "have to do everything perfectly without needing help (or being a burden) or he'll get tired of me and top loving me."

Lately, though, things seem to have come full circle and my fear of being discarded is focused on Mom. Ever since she rekindled her relationship with Bev (at least, I *think* she's still talking to her: I have no clue) (and now that I've reread that post, the line about her not having a relationship with Bev if Bev doesn't apologize to me is sticking out like a sore thumb - I've received no apologies or anything else to signify that she'd like to make amends/try again), I've felt like things have changed. Chebbar insists that I'm not giving Mom enough credit and that, from what he's gotten to know of her in the 4.5 years we've been together, my mom would NEVER "abandon" me for anyone, let alone Bev.

But I can't help it. I don't remember the last time I saw her. I don't remember the last time we spoke on the phone. (And yes, I know the phone works both ways: however, she's my MOM - if anyone's going to know something is up with me just by my voice, it's her. I'm worried I won't be able to hide my anger/hurt/fear, and I'm not ready to tackle this head-on just yet.) The troll in my head gets hold of these thoughts like a dog with a bone and just won't. let. go.

I'm slowly starting to realize that I've been living my life from a place of fear. The self-loathing I experience is breathtaking: I hate myself for being weak, needing help, not being perfect, whatever, but then I go on to hate myself for even worrying about not being good enough and fearing abandonment. It's a vicious circle I can't seem to find my way out of.

I know I need to work on myself - my self-confidence, just being OKAY with who I am - but I don't even know where to start. The therapy appointment two weeks ago went well, but it resulted in the recommendation of group therapy that isn't set to start until mid-January. (I feel that the therapist's recommendation is valid and that I'll get a lot from the group, for the record.)

I have a feeling that this is just a comfortable, old "friend" to fall back on. I mean, let's face it: there's a hell of a lot of stress around here, what with neither of us working yet and Chebbar having applied for a job out of province (holy fuckballs!). But yeah. I had a breakdown on Tuesday; I had a breakdown on Saturday; I had a breakdown on Sunday. I'm not coping well (let's call a spade a spade: I'm shutting down and isolating again).

Today I feel okay. Hopeful. However, I worry this feeling will be fleeting.

Sunday Sound-Off

Shared it:

1. How To Explain Gay Rights To An Idiot via BuzzFeed
2. Marc and Angel Hack Life share 30 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself
3. @elishadew of My Thunder Thighs hits the nail on the head with Writing My Own Story
4. How To Create Your Perfect Day In Work And Play via Tiny Buddha
5. @princessjenn explains the importance of being careful before being generous, especially this time of year with Grifting vs. Gifting

Grateful for it:

1. Decorating the Christmas tree
2. Knowing thoughts are hormonal
3. Knowing bad days will end
4. Sugar cookies
5. Chebbar <3

Body Lovin' Homework - Week 4

Week 1
Week 2
Week 3

My body allows me to... walk and skip and run and dance. It allows me to move about my day without a second thought. It allows me to work, play, and relax. My body allows me to do and see, to create and be. It allows me to love and be loved. It allows me to treat it poorly and with less respect than it deserves without turning its back on me. (Well, most of the time.) My body allows me to learn and grow. My body allows me to feel grounded and home.

I forgive... myself for hating who I am.
I forgive... myself for my inability to see the person so many others appreciate and love.
I forgive... myself for being hurtful.
I forgive... myself for not believing in myself.
I forgive... myself for treating myself so poorly.
I forgive... myself for treating myself worse than I'd treat my worst enemy.
I forgive... myself for my unreasonable expectations.
I forgive... myself for being so hard on myself.
I forgive... myself for blaming my body for what it has become.
I forgive... myself for not smartening up sooner.
I forgive... myself for not always getting it "right" or doing it "perfectly."
I forgive... myself for being so cruel to myself when I don't get it "right" or do it "perfectly."
I forgive... myself for expecting more of myself than I would ever dream of expecting from others.
I forgive... myself for not being kinder to me.
I forgive... myself for not showing myself more love and compassion.

If you're stuck for a holiday gift (or want to buy something for yourself!) consider the 2012 Blogger Body Calendar. Proceeds will benefit ViolenceUnsilenced.

I'm so gullible it hurts

Chebbar [texting his buddy about the hockey games tonight]: Just wanted to say sorry for the Canucks' loss tonight, but it's okay - Montreal won.

Me [reading over his shoulder]: Ooh, that's cold! Glad I'm not on the receiving end of THAT one!

My cellphone sounds with a new message.

Me: Huh. I wonder who that is? Maybe it's my brother...

Chebbar starts shaking with silent laughter.

Me [as I open the text message]: What's so fun... Oh, fuck you! YOU SUCK! YOU SO SUCK! bwa ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa! I am SO gullible! I'm totally blogging about this.

How do you accept yourself when what you see in the mirror disgusts you?

We were only going to Walmart. I went into the bathroom, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and started to throw on yoga pants and a hoodie. (Yes, I wear yoga pants when I'm not going to yoga: bite me.) Being that I was standing in front of the mirror, I had a lovely view of my double-chin and bingo wings. I did a mental "Ugh" and carried on.

Until Chebbar asked if we could go for lunch (sure): he'd text some friends and see if anyone else was available (oh, crap). The second he mentioned other people, my hand instinctively flew to my face. He went to brush his teeth, and the troll in my brain started flapping his gums.

"You aren't seriously considering leaving the house like THAT, are you? You look GROSS. You should at LEAST have a shower and do your hair properly. People are going to LAUGH at you."

I was completely overwhelmed and bordering on an anxiety attack when I went down the hall to grudgingly tell Chebbar I'd have to have a shower: "No problem. Your showers are quick - we have over an hour." I guess maybe I was looking for him to... say surprise, that he hadn't invited anyone? I don't even know. What I do know is that I pretty much acted like a bratty child as I stripped off my clothes, heaving each item violently toward the bed.

Enter shower: commence crying. I'm huge. I'm gross. I'm disgusting. I'm a fucking hippopotamus. I'm gross. I'm a fat pig. I'm disgusting. This is all my fault. I'm gross. If I could just LEARN to stop stuffing my cake hole and get off my fat ass, I wouldn't have this problem. I'm disgusting.

I have to stop denying that the weight I've gained isn't a big deal: my clothes don't fit comfortably anymore. However, I'm loathe to go buy bigger sizes because a) I don't want to ADMIT I need a larger size, b) I detest the idea of spending money on BIGGER clothes (because I secretly hope I wont NEED a bigger size for long), and c) we don't exactly have the money for me to go buy a new wardrobe right now. So one top of feeling shitty about myself, the fit of my clothes is making me physically uncomfortable.

I'm stuck in this place of not wanting to DIET (and, yes, partially because I like cookies, dammit) or fall back on workouts like I used to - exercise turned into a chore because I used it as a means to punish myself for being a fat, lazy, disgustingly gross slob. When I lost weight the first time, it's because I was bordering on Compulsive Exercising Disorder. Workouts ruled my life: if I had to miss a workout for any reason - stayed late at work, family event, sick - I would beat myself up to the point where I'd end up in tears... over ONE missed workout when I was working out SEVEN days a week! Not healthy. And since my body wasn't used to activity to that degree, it pretty much started shutting down on me within three months. I don't want to go back there, but it's the only thing I know gets results.

So how do you love - hell, I'd settle for just like at this point - yourself when SEEING yourself makes you feel ill and ashamed?

(This is 99% whore moan-related, and I'll probably feel better tomorrow, but the question still remains. In the meantime, maybe I'll go back and read some of the more positive posts I've written.)

Sunday Sound-Off

How many of these 17 unproductive habits do you do? Can you let them go?

This year, don't forget to give yourself a gift: the gift of a break. (Doesn't that sound lovely?)

Thank your dog for growling - this was a very interesting read, and something I'm glad to have learned as a future dog owner.

Dr. Erik Steele discusses the importance of believing the unbelievable about child sexual abuse.

I adore Danette's tradition of writing herself a birthday letter every year - so cool!


The Gratitude Short List:

1. Sunny walks in the crisp almost-winter air
2. Going back to bed
3. The smell of a fresh, new box of tea
4. Chats with Aunt Becky
5. Getting over myself, ending the pity party, and decorating the Christmas tree!

 Check it out! Band Back Together ornament from Zazzle! LOVE!

Santa Baby

Dear Santa,

I know times are rough for everyone (mostly), and I don't think I deserve gifts any more than the next person. I wasn't an angel, but I think I didn't pretty darned well, all things considered this year. However, if you were so inclined, here are a few things that would be swell...

• A job offer from that company Chebbar feels would be a good fit
• More virtual clients - virtual assistant business clients, not pretend clients for the record
• An unquenchable thirst and love of exercise
• The pain in my left knee and hip to magically disappear
• A self-cleaning house
• I wouldn't turn my nose up at winning lottery ticket numbers either

 And if you reply naming the cookie of your choice, I'll make sure there's a fresh batch with your name on 'em.

Source

Kisses,
Chibi


This idea shamelessly filched from The Psycho Babbles.

Letting Go and Creating

I'm not sure how I stumbled across Patti Digh, but her blog is great and, while I haven't read any of them (yet!), I recognize the covers of her books.

As 2011 winds to a close, she poses two questions:

1. What do I want/need to let go of as I end the year?
2. What do I want to create in the new year?

1. I want to let go of fear - of failure, abandonment, not being good enough, and not being lovable. I want to let go of self-doubt and self-loathing. I want to let go of unnecessary stress and worry.

2. I want to create a loving compassion for myself. I want to create an atmosphere of acceptance and respect for myself.  I want to create a peaceful trust of the universe and the acknowledgement that everything will work out as it is meant to.

What about you? What would you like to let go of before 2012? Is there anything you'd like to create?

Things That Can Just F*ck Right Off #20

#20: Social media "friends" who have nothing to say to you for MONTHS until they feel the need to point out that you misspelled a word. Seriously?!? Get fucked.








Explanation

Dose of Happy Monday

Linking up with my beloved Band Back Together (which got a KICK ASS face lift yesterday - go check it out!) for this Dose of Happy Monday. :)

Today was officially my first "unemployed" day, BUT! We had a great day! We were up and out of the house early to run errands, but those involved visiting family and catching up with friends. I ended up going back out on my own because I had a chiropractor appointment (who - bless his freaking heart - will not be charging me for my visits until Chebbar or I is working *sniffles*). I got a bunch of leftover stuff done and felt all efficient. 

When I got home, I was determined to go for a walk in the gorgeous sun; much to my surprise, Chebbar decided to come with me. It was so nice to be outside and moving. Chebbar went straight out to the deck when we got back and, after dragging in my Christmas tree (squee!), got to work putting up the Christmas lights. 

I had my first official VA job for a dear friend yesterday (thanks again, Cat!); if that weren't reason enough to celebrate, I'm going back to my old job for a few hours tomorrow and Wednesday to help them with a couple of job closings. 

So far, this lay off is treating me pretty damned well! :)

Sunday Sound-Off

Shared it:

1. I have no idea how old this post is, but it sums my feelings about comic sans. (Read: I think a lot of people only "hate" it because they feel they HAVE to because "everyone else does.")
2. Terra doesn't write often, but when she does, she's guaranteed to take your breath away and knock your socks off: The End Is The Beginning Is The End.
3. Mean girls turn into mean moms, and not just in the PTO.
4. Sui Solitaire shares an ode to thick thighs and squishy stomachs.
5. This is an amazing commercial by Get Up Action For Australia. It is time. (Make sure you have tissues handy!)

Noted it:

1. Brunch for dinner
2. Potential clients/business
3. Air so cold it... singes your nose hairs
4. Porridge (no, not oatmeal: my great grannie taught me it was called porridge)
5. The end of an era and the beginning of a new one

My Happiness Project: Month 5, Week 1

I kicked Month Four's ASS! 85% overall! Woo hoo - go, me! :D Last month's goals were to:

1. Quit nagging: say it once and be done with it
2. Don't expect praise or appreciation: do it because you want to 
3. No calculations
4. Appreciate every little thing
5. Move forward: let it go, live in the present, have faith

I think I had the most difficulty with "quit nagging" - I'm really trying to stop mothering Chebbar: unfortunately, mothering comes quite naturally, and to me, nagging IS mothering. Oy.

And as far as @undomesticdiva's 30 Day Challenge, my results were mixed. Meditation was no problem at all. However, the closer I got to the end of my job, the more my stress grew and self-esteem dropped, so I kinda stopped the whole "I accept myself unconditionally right now" around November 23rd...

Month Five's goals are as follows:

Tool box here