Comments on Chibi Jeebs: How do you get past abandonment issues?

Have you ever practiced mindfulness? Just being in...

2012-01-02T17:33:43.666-08:00

Have you ever practiced mindfulness? Just being in the moment? I think it could help you. You focus on the here and now. xo

I love you.

2012-01-02T17:33:42.817-08:00

I love you.

oh honey. i SO know this. i don't know that ...

2012-01-02T17:33:41.639-08:00

oh honey. i SO know this. i don't know that you actually get passed them, but that you learn to live with them. keep them in check so to speak. dealing with parental issues like this is so fucking hard. i've been going thru something similar with my father all my life.

you are awesome. you are smart. you are beautiful. you are loved. and you are so worthy of love.

Oh sweetie. I FEEL your pain!

2012-01-02T17:33:40.650-08:00

Oh sweetie. I FEEL your pain!

Ah...I can so relate!! At the risk of sounding tri...

2012-01-02T17:33:39.658-08:00

Ah...I can so relate!! At the risk of sounding trite, it takes time to overcome these feelings...time and nurturing. It sounds like Chebbar is good at nurturing you so take a page from his book and learn how to give yourself what you need. And that's the good news...as much as we want it from our mothers, it's impossible for them to fill that emptiness so we have to do it for ourselves. That book about narcissistic mothers gives some good advice on how to do this...and do the mirror exercise!

Sending you so much love and huge, squishy hugs!

2012-01-02T17:33:38.666-08:00

Sending you so much love and huge, squishy hugs!

Hope is like a gentle butterfly. Sometimes we need...

2012-01-02T17:33:37.624-08:00

Hope is like a gentle butterfly. Sometimes we need to work hard to catch it.
And then jam a pin it and hang it on the wall so it can't fly away.<3 you. It can be hard to find hope in chaos.

Love you, Chibi. Hang in there. I'm rooting ...

2012-01-02T17:33:36.655-08:00

Love you, Chibi. Hang in there. I'm rooting for you.

You know, there's a "Call Me" button...

2012-01-02T17:33:35.628-08:00

You know, there's a "Call Me" button on my blog - which you can click on any time - and I'll listen and talk and, for what it's worth, I'll try to help you get through a tough time. xoxox

I'm with Kristine, mindfulness can help get us...

2012-01-02T17:33:34.657-08:00

I'm with Kristine, mindfulness can help get us through those anxious times. Also? I kinda want to punch your grandma, old lady or otherwise.
xoxo

Is it possible to get past abandonment issues? I n...

2012-01-02T17:33:33.668-08:00

Is it possible to get past abandonment issues? I need to know. because I have a big abandonment issue. And also sometimes I read your posts and it's like youre in my brain.

Therapy is a good start. I'm not sure you can ...

2012-01-02T17:33:32.625-08:00

Therapy is a good start. I'm not sure you can completely get over your issues, but you can learn to work around them and not let them inhibit you. You can DO it.

But yeah, really, if your parent hurts you so deeply like this at such a young age, how can one expect to get over it so easily? Your parent is supposed to be THE basis from which you learn how to interact with others in life and get reinforcement about your self-esteem. Your mom failed you and do you don't have to forgive her for that. You can develop a relationship that works for you both, but you don't have to give more than you feel comfortable giving.

As someone who was also abandoned by a parent, I k...

2012-01-02T17:33:31.842-08:00

As someone who was also abandoned by a parent, I know how feelings about this are cyclical. Sometimes you can feel okay and strong and logical. And other times just the opposite. I don't know what to say. I'm feeling pretty good at this time, confident in myself and my relationships with others...still, there's always those low points around the corner and I'm really very tired and pissed off that it's coming. I'm sorry that you have similar struggles. xoxo

I haven't ever really gotten over my abandonme...

2012-01-02T17:33:30.618-08:00

I haven't ever really gotten over my abandonment issues, to be honest... It's not the kind of thing one can really move past, since it often shapes our personalities for life. With my parents' divorces and remarriages, constantly putting their new spouse ahead of the needs of the kids, being kicked out and shut out of their lives for a few yars, etc, I know now that I can't 'un-live' those parts of my life.

What I can and DID do is forgive and ask forgiveness - for their part in the failures, for the things I immaturely or uncontrollably exacerbated. For years lost and pain that still persists some days. Then I did two better - I chose someone to love and work toward my dreams with, and I decided to make all future times with my family those of love, consideration, and sweetness. I can't control them or their responses, but I sure as heck can control my reactions. I work hard every time I talk to them, every time I go home, to show them that I love and care, that I am happy or struggling but still sure and calm and PROUD of myself. And then I show them my selfless, doting husband and impossibly beautiful children and stand wi my head held high. That husband and those kids, the image I see in the mirror, those things are all a product of the life I have lead. Abandonment and all. I couldn't control what happened to me then, but every day I now influence my path. I CHOOSE my family, both biological and married/born. I make a conscious decision to make so many beautiful new memories that it smothers out the old, hurtful ones and doesn't give that bitterness a moment of air. I strangle out every ache and nightmare because what I have now, built with my own two hands and cultivated with sweetness is so much more beautiful and worthwhile.

I'll always be damaged goods, that is a part of me. But it is NOT the whole. Not the sum goal of my relationship with my parents, my husband, or myself. My life didn't stop in 2002. The new part, the better part, is what I make every single day. And that is what I choose to nourish and give power. That's how I deal with my abandonment and real past sufferings - I choose my future instead of my past. And even with the most damaged relationships in my family, that has wrought a healing that is enough to live with in peace. We can be social, and even enjoy one another's company for the duration of the visits. It's enough.

oh, honey. this, too, shall pass. let me know what...

2012-01-02T17:33:29.637-08:00

oh, honey. this, too, shall pass. let me know what i can do to help. there might still be time for me to send you my world-famous banana bread, spiked with THREE! DIFFERENT! KINDS! OF BOOZE! in the meantime ... hugs and hugs and hugs. the holidays are THE WORST.

I love you, sweetie. I'm so sorry you are stru...

2012-01-02T17:33:28.650-08:00

I love you, sweetie. I'm so sorry you are struggling. You do SO much for SO many. Please take care of you. If that means disconnecting for a while, do it. But come back to us so that we can let you know you ARE loved. And valued. And beautiful.

Just know that however much you are struggling, yo...

2012-01-02T17:33:27.643-08:00

Just know that however much you are struggling, you are so awesome and do so much for so many people. You are loved.

You're working on getting past your abandonmen...

2012-01-02T17:33:26.592-08:00

You're working on getting past your abandonment issues. You're taking action. You may feel like you're not coping well but you're actively addressing your issues instead of passively accepting them. Well done, you!

So glad you got to talk to your mom about this rec...

2012-01-02T17:23:10.892-08:00

So glad you got to talk to your mom about this recently. *HUGS*